Funny Parts of the bible (i'll show you mine if you show me yours)
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31-01-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Funny Parts of the bible (i'll show you mine if you show me yours)
Last night’s Micro Reading of the Old Testament struck me with the gift of laughter. This has to be the funniest part of the whole bible. It shocked me at its hilarity…as I was not expecting it.

Let’s read from Exodus 33:
20And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.

21And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock:

22And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:

23And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.



Now, really look at verse 23!
2 things struck me as knee slapping funny. First, Moses only gets to see god’s ass. That’s fantastic!
Secondly, it occurred to me that someone has been hiding in the bushes in ALL of exodus using a loud and low voice to speak to Moses as god. And Moses buys it hook line and sinker. BUT this person (let us call him Johnny Knoxville) thought for the gag to take FULL effect there needed to be a person behind the voice to really sell it, but obviously Johnny was from the tribe of Israel and would get recognized immediately. SO, in his deepest voice he commanded verse 23. So in the end when Moses put the pencil to the paper…he recounted that he got to see the BACK PARTS of someone and the face of NO ONE!

It literally could have been ANYONE standing there.

This was just too damn funny not to share with my Hellbound White Ape pals.

Denicio
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31-01-2012, 12:48 PM
RE: Funny Parts of the bible (i'll show you mine if you show me yours)
Ill see your "god's behind" verses and raise you the dead cow that testifies against murderers in the quran.

"And when Moses said unto his people: Lo! Allah commandeth you that ye sacrifice a cow, they said: Dost thou make game of us? He answered: Allah forbid that I should be among the foolish! (67)
They said: Pray for us unto thy Lord that He make clear to us what (cow) she is. (Moses) answered: Lo! He saith, Verily she is a cow neither with calf nor immature; (she is) between the two conditions; so do that which ye are commanded. (68)
They said: Pray for us unto thy Lord that He make clear to us of what colour she is. (Moses) answered: Lo! He saith: Verily she is a yellow cow. Bright is her colour, gladdening beholders. (69)
They said: Pray for us unto thy Lord that He make clear to us what (cow) she is. Lo! cows are much alike to us; and Lo! if Allah wills, we may be led aright. (70)
(Moses) answered: Lo! He saith: Verily she is a cow unyoked; she plougheth not the soil nor watereth the tilth; whole and without mark. They said: Now thou bringest the truth. So they sacrificed her, though almost they did not. (71)
And (remember) when ye slew a man and disagreed concerning it and Allah brought forth that which ye were hiding. (72)
And We said: Smite him with some of it. Thus Allah bringeth the dead to life and showeth you His portents so that ye may understand. (73)"

Messed up amirite?

"Yeah, good idea. Make them buy your invisible apple. Insist that they do. Market it properly and don't stop until they pay for it." -Malleus
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