Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
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29-06-2011, 07:38 PM
Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
I heard about this as I was growing up so I thought I would share:

I bring you the Sabbath Phone!
Quote:Rabbi Shmuel Strauss picks up a special Shabbat phone with holes on each button on the dialer. Instead of pressing the button, you put a peg into the hole.

SHMUEL STRAUSS: Each number is trying to dial itself at the same time, but something is inhibiting each number from dialing itself. When I put that stick in, I am simply blocking that which is blocking the number from dialing itself.
He says this Shabbat device isn't for everyday use in homes, but for emergency use only. The phone uses a principle called gramma, or indirect action. When you turn something on indirectly there's often a computer processor that checks the position of the peg or switch every few seconds. When it senses that something has changed, it completes the task — dials the number or turns on the device. So the Shabbat phone user is not technically dialing, not technically doing the work.

STRAUSS: Define doing? It's a direct action. Well, what about indirect action? The Torah does not prohibit indirect action.

But isn't that . . . cheating?

STRAUSS: Cynical people who come in say "Gee, that's great, the Almighty said keep Shabbat and you guys are finding ways around it."

Strauss says the Torah also commands its followers to enjoy the sabbath. He and his colleagues have spent years studying what they say are the Torah's intentional loopholes — technicalities built into religious law that can help maintain health, security, and quality of life.

STRAUSS: What we do here at the institute is investigate the principles and see what new options are available in terms of coping with exceptional circumstances.

This isn't just limited to Judaism. I know of Muslims that hold their hand over their glass as they drink (something alcoholic).. Apparently so Allah can't see.

I can't think of a funny example for Christians at the moment though I know many that repeatedly 'sin' and keep doing it knowing they will be forgiven - apparently... I know some Christians say this goes against scripture, it still doesn't make peoples problems go away.

“Forget Jesus, the stars died so you could be born.” - Lawrence M. Krauss
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29-06-2011, 07:54 PM
 
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
Christians just pick and choose what they should believe to better suit their mood.
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29-06-2011, 07:56 PM (This post was last modified: 12-07-2011 07:57 PM by Efrx86.)
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
There's the Mormon porn (SFW) (late edit: ok, not quite) link I shared on another topic.

The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. "God did it." Anything we can't describe must have come from God. - George Carlin

Whenever I'm asked "What if you're wrong?", I always show the asker this video: http://youtu.be/iClejS8vWjo Screw Pascal's wager.
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29-06-2011, 07:57 PM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
We had a free hog-roast outside work once and a Muslim member of staff openly ate a pork sandwich and when I asked him about the whole 'no pork' rule he claimed it didn't apply if you were hungry (he was also gay but I can't remember what his reasoning was to justify that).

Thats about the weirdest religious cheating I've ever seen I think.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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29-06-2011, 10:09 PM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
(29-06-2011 07:56 PM)Efrx86 Wrote:  There's the Mormon porn (SFW) link I shared on another topic.

Your Mormon porn editor missed a biggie! The pic with 2 blondes and a brunette. Look close at the top on the girl on the bottom. It shows better without the "bubbling". OOOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would show that here, but I don't think we are allowed to.

Oxymoron: "Religious teaching"
"Simple common sense goes out the window when religion comes in through the door." Me (Blasphemy Fan )
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30-06-2011, 12:46 AM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
I once got the question if I could call an elevator for an orthodox Jew because he would not want to push the button. I advised him to take the stairs since that would be less work... Big Grin

Observer

Agnostic atheist
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Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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12-07-2011, 06:07 PM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
Seeing a Christian try and live by Gods law is like seeing an obese person trying to maintain a diet. It's quite interesting psychologically. A fat person on a diet tends to find ANY reason to circumvent the rules and eat that piece of cake, everything from 'well its a one off' to 'well I can have a treat on a Sunday' to 'well I did a press up earlier' and Christians tend to have the same mind-set. ANY reason to circumvent a rule that is restricting, from 'well that doesn't apply anymore' to 'well thats metaphorical' to 'well its a one off' to 'well God wants me to be happy and this makes me happy, I'm sure he will understand'.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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13-07-2011, 09:27 AM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
A Muslim i knew once did whatever he liked, because he was only 36 years old. Apparently there is an escape clause: as long as you repent at 40, you're saved. I looked it up - it says that a repentant sinner may be saved, "even at 40" which i suppose was quite old for a North African desert dweller in the 600's, but modern North Americans consider plenty young enough for atonement. Better be careful crossing the street, Ali!

Okay, that's not very funny. But you should see rich Christians twisting the NT to prove it's okay for them accumulate wealth on the backs of Jesus' sheep they're supposed to feed.
Well, okay, that's not funny, either.
The telephone buttons really are, though. Jews win!

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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13-07-2011, 09:31 AM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
Catholics will put meat down a well so that they can "fish" it out to eat on Fridays. Not all catholics obviously but some.

“Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.”
—Thomas Henry Huxley
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13-07-2011, 09:44 AM
RE: Funny things theists do to circumvent Gods rules.
obviously those catholics are trying to get to heaven faster by eating all the steak they can =p

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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