Getting help; an FT rambling.
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30-03-2017, 03:39 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(30-03-2017 03:20 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(30-03-2017 03:08 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  Just ever more Uni work. Just submitted it, though I'm not happy with it. It's low quality and falls far short of the word count, but I need to give up and go to be, and I won't have any chance to work on it before time runs out at 5pm tomorrow.
It's what, like... 6 am there? Don't work yourself to death either amigo. I've submitted a fair amount of substandard work in my time. It's not wrong to do so. Something is better than nothing. There are one or two assignments that even now I cringe when I think of how shit my work was.


It was about 1:50 am when I submitted it and went to bed, not long after posting the first necroupdate.

Quote:
Quote:I fully intend to fight this thing in my head for every millimetre of metaphorical ground, but it's not an easy thing to keep up; as time goes it just feels worse and worse, and I never get a real break to mentally regroup. "just one good day" is a frequent wish.
I think you put way too much pressure on yourself. Lemme ask you, what does "success" mean to you. Like, if you could picture yourself happy, what is different about your life? In your successful life, what do you look like? Are you in a relationship? How do you feel when you're in a crowd?

Sorry if these questions are intrusive. I'm playing amateur head-shrinker which is possibly a dangerous occupation...

Like I said to my psych, a 'better' me would most simply be what I am not; comfortable in social situations, not struggling with self-hate, not dealing with suicidal ideation; I'd know what happiness actually truly felt like again, would be able to make friends in meatspace. Wouldn't have to fight with myself to do anything. I'd have energy back.


I forgot to mentioned, my psych has said she'd have someone from the practice recption call me and talk to me about some additional support for people dealing with my level of ideation. I'll probably take them up on the offer. Anything that gives me a bit more room to move, you know?

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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31-03-2017, 01:25 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Have you had yourself checked out for gluten intolerance and other such things? Girl I'm friendly with spent years tired, feeling low, eventually after years of doctors telling her it was all mental shit she was diagnosed with coeliac disease - cut out the gluten and she was suddenly a new person. Interesting thing about that, coeliac disease is partially hereditary but also can be acquired. Also thyroid can affect your energy levels, as well as iron deficiency.

Hey look, MD can play amateur MD too - I don't know any of these things, I just pick up random shit that I hear - but it might be worth asking your doc whether (s)he thinks there might be something in that.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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31-03-2017, 01:57 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(30-03-2017 03:39 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  Like I said to my psych, a 'better' me would most simply be what I am not; comfortable in social situations, not struggling with self-hate, not dealing with suicidal ideation; I'd know what happiness actually truly felt like again, would be able to make friends in meatspace. Wouldn't have to fight with myself to do anything. I'd have energy back.

I know exactly how you feel. You're a great guy though and there will be many people who will be lucky to call you their friend. You can do it.

(31-03-2017 01:25 AM)morondog Wrote:  Have you had yourself checked out for gluten intolerance and other such things? Girl I'm friendly with spent years tired, feeling low, eventually after years of doctors telling her it was all mental shit she was diagnosed with coeliac disease - cut out the gluten and she was suddenly a new person. Interesting thing about that, coeliac disease is partially hereditary but also can be acquired. Also thyroid can affect your energy levels, as well as iron deficiency.

Hey look, MD can play amateur MD too - I don't know any of these things, I just pick up random shit that I hear - but it might be worth asking your doc whether (s)he thinks there might be something in that.

MD M.D. Sounds like a sitcom in the making.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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01-04-2017, 04:50 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(20-11-2015 08:29 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(20-11-2015 06:18 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Yesterday I saw a psych and was diagnosed with depression, now you people (you know who you are) can now stop bugging me about getting help for my problems any time I try to vent.

(Note; I'm not even sure if here is the appropriate area, given the health and psychology section...)

People who have not experienced clinical depression rarely understand it.

Combine that with an attitude that not 'being in control' is weak or sinful, and you get your father's reaction.

Get medication. Now. Thumbsup

I have a lifetime of clinical depression which requires me to take antidepressants irregularly. I went through four years of therapy and as has been mentioned it takes a little time before the meds begin to make a difference. They do not change ones basic character in fact they only reduce the stress caused by the depression.

I know because I had thoughts of suicide once even coming within one second of driving off a cliff. At that time (and before that) my future was a black tunnel with no light at the end. That was a frightening feeling that went on for years.

My depression began when my parents separated when I was 11 years old but for years and years I didn't know what depression was. It wasn't until I was in my early 50's that I began therapy and then only because our family doctor wanted my wife to go to a psychologist and for reasons I still don't really understand I decided to go for therapy also.

It's made a huge difference in my life. Previously I had extremely low self esteem along with and maybe because of the depression. I have always considered myself to have a better than average IQ. In the Air Force I took some test that showed my IQ to be about 128. But I still wasn't able to make much of my life.

Well, I've go on long enough.

Keep working on it and life will begin to look up.

Today is the best day of my life and tomorrow will be even better.
Robert himself
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01-04-2017, 04:57 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Free Thought,
I wish there was a way that you could see yourself as I do. You are very smart and have a great sense of humor. I have enjoyed interacting with you from the beginning. It's easier on the Internet than in person and I get that. Hopefully the docs will find something that will help you get your thoughts under control so that you can be the great guy you are without all this anxiety.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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01-04-2017, 07:33 PM (This post was last modified: 01-04-2017 07:37 PM by Free Thought.)
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
In two days time I start venlafaxine. Lets hope it works better.

(01-04-2017 04:50 PM)Ro3bert Wrote:  
(20-11-2015 08:29 AM)Chas Wrote:  People who have not experienced clinical depression rarely understand it.

Combine that with an attitude that not 'being in control' is weak or sinful, and you get your father's reaction.

Get medication. Now. Thumbsup

I have a lifetime of clinical depression which requires me to take antidepressants irregularly. I went through four years of therapy and as has been mentioned it takes a little time before the meds begin to make a difference. They do not change ones basic character in fact they only reduce the stress caused by the depression.

I know because I had thoughts of suicide once even coming within one second of driving off a cliff. At that time (and before that) my future was a black tunnel with no light at the end. That was a frightening feeling that went on for years.

My depression began when my parents separated when I was 11 years old but for years and years I didn't know what depression was. It wasn't until I was in my early 50's that I began therapy and then only because our family doctor wanted my wife to go to a psychologist and for reasons I still don't really understand I decided to go for therapy also.

It's made a huge difference in my life. Previously I had extremely low self esteem along with and maybe because of the depression. I have always considered myself to have a better than average IQ. In the Air Force I took some test that showed my IQ to be about 128. But I still wasn't able to make much of my life.

Well, I've go on long enough.

Keep working on it and life will begin to look up.

Hard to keep up the hope that there is an ending to the tunnel sometimes, but I try.

(01-04-2017 04:57 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Free Thought,
I wish there was a way that you could see yourself as I do. You are very smart and have a great sense of humor. I have enjoyed interacting with you from the beginning. It's easier on the Internet than in person and I get that. Hopefully the docs will find something that will help you get your thoughts under control so that you can be the great guy you are without all this anxiety.

Heart

Thanks Anje Hug

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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01-04-2017, 07:36 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(01-04-2017 07:33 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  In two days time I start venlafaxine. Lets hope it works better.

It's often trial and error to find the right thing, or things, that work for each person. Give it a chance. I am hoping for a positive outcome. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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18-04-2017, 05:00 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Regular update.

16 days so far on the venlafaxine.

I'm tired. My sleep has been worse than usual. It takes forever to get to sleep, and I wake up at night for no reason.

I would like to say that I think the new medication is working even if just a little. My moodswings and temperament are largely under stable again. I'm still in a largely depressed state, but it's not been as heavy; haven't cried in a while, or felt like I was going to crumble under some difficult to define sense of dread or hopelessness.

But that probably has more to do with me not being at uni every day for the past week and a half. If I could take a long break for Uni I would absolutely do so. Every time I step on the campus, I get reminded of my multiple failures so far, and my bad anxiety attack. Uni is a little depressing.

I'm heading in tomorrow to check in with my doctor, routine med progression reporting.

Probably the best change has been that my ideation has dropped down a bit. Suicidal thoughts still creep into my head daily, but I haven't really zoned out and obsessed over suicide for just under a week now. Only problem is that the most recent intrusive 'plan thoughts' have been entirely feasible, which makes it more tempting. In some sick and twisted way...

Saw my psych last week, it was easier than the time before. We talked more in depth about some of the worse thoughts I'd been dealing with; working to get my mind in a state where I can properly analyse and refute my own 'points' against myself. I also learned more about a program she has referred me on to; it's a suicide prevention program/research study deal. It's supposed to be for attempt-survivors and those at risk of repetition, but she felt I would stand to gain from it and referred me onward regardless. I'm tempted to just quit that, since it hasn't started yet (my assessment appointment is in May), my ideation seems to be calming down, and I don't fit the study parameters, but I'm sure everybody would tell me off for it.
Besides, I guess I know better than most now that leaving any level of ideation alone for too long is not a good plan...

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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18-04-2017, 05:14 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(18-04-2017 05:00 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Regular update.

16 days so far on the venlafaxine.

I'm tired. My sleep has been worse than usual. It takes forever to get to sleep, and I wake up at night for no reason.

I would like to say that I think the new medication is working even if just a little. My moodswings and temperament are largely under stable again. I'm still in a largely depressed state, but it's not been as heavy; haven't cried in a while, or felt like I was going to crumble under some difficult to define sense of dread or hopelessness.

But that probably has more to do with me not being at uni every day for the past week and a half. If I could take a long break for Uni I would absolutely do so. Every time I step on the campus, I get reminded of my multiple failures so far, and my bad anxiety attack. Uni is a little depressing.

I'm heading in tomorrow to check in with my doctor, routine med progression reporting.

Probably the best change has been that my ideation has dropped down a bit. Suicidal thoughts still creep into my head daily, but I haven't really zoned out and obsessed over suicide for just under a week now. Only problem is that the most recent intrusive 'plan thoughts' have been entirely feasible, which makes it more tempting. In some sick and twisted way...

Saw my psych last week, it was easier than the time before. We talked more in depth about some of the worse thoughts I'd been dealing with; working to get my mind in a state where I can properly analyse and refute my own 'points' against myself. I also learned more about a program she has referred me on to; it's a suicide prevention program/research study deal. It's supposed to be for attempt-survivors and those at risk of repetition, but she felt I would stand to gain from it and referred me onward regardless. I'm tempted to just quit that, since it hasn't started yet (my assessment appointment is in May), my ideation seems to be calming down, and I don't fit the study parameters, but I'm sure everybody would tell me off for it.
Besides, I guess I know better than most now that leaving any level of ideation alone for too long is not a good plan...

It sounds to me like progress is being made. I think it's a good thing that you are being offered many types of help...medication, one-on-one talking, and group situations. Make use of what is being offered. Some combination of those things may be just what you need.

Give the doctors and staff a chance - you don't think you fit the parameters but you know yourself you are looking at things through the filter of your depression. Part of the reason for being under the care of a doctor or therapist is to have someone look at things from a different angle.

Let the people who are trying to help, help.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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18-04-2017, 05:34 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(18-04-2017 05:14 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(18-04-2017 05:00 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Regular update.

16 days so far on the venlafaxine.

I'm tired. My sleep has been worse than usual. It takes forever to get to sleep, and I wake up at night for no reason.

I would like to say that I think the new medication is working even if just a little. My moodswings and temperament are largely under stable again. I'm still in a largely depressed state, but it's not been as heavy; haven't cried in a while, or felt like I was going to crumble under some difficult to define sense of dread or hopelessness.

But that probably has more to do with me not being at uni every day for the past week and a half. If I could take a long break for Uni I would absolutely do so. Every time I step on the campus, I get reminded of my multiple failures so far, and my bad anxiety attack. Uni is a little depressing.

I'm heading in tomorrow to check in with my doctor, routine med progression reporting.

Probably the best change has been that my ideation has dropped down a bit. Suicidal thoughts still creep into my head daily, but I haven't really zoned out and obsessed over suicide for just under a week now. Only problem is that the most recent intrusive 'plan thoughts' have been entirely feasible, which makes it more tempting. In some sick and twisted way...

Saw my psych last week, it was easier than the time before. We talked more in depth about some of the worse thoughts I'd been dealing with; working to get my mind in a state where I can properly analyse and refute my own 'points' against myself. I also learned more about a program she has referred me on to; it's a suicide prevention program/research study deal. It's supposed to be for attempt-survivors and those at risk of repetition, but she felt I would stand to gain from it and referred me onward regardless. I'm tempted to just quit that, since it hasn't started yet (my assessment appointment is in May), my ideation seems to be calming down, and I don't fit the study parameters, but I'm sure everybody would tell me off for it.
Besides, I guess I know better than most now that leaving any level of ideation alone for too long is not a good plan...

It sounds to me like progress is being made. I think it's a good thing that you are being offered many types of help...medication, one-on-one talking, and group situations. Make use of what is being offered. Some combination of those things may be just what you need.

Give the doctors and staff a chance - you don't think you fit the parameters but you know yourself you are looking at things through the filter of your depression. Part of the reason for being under the care of a doctor or therapist is to have someone look at things from a different angle.

Let the people who are trying to help, help.

Heart

I mean, the thing stated in its information readout that it is for attempt survivors. I got pretty close on the day of the knife incident, but I haven't made any real attempts, so I strictly don't match their stated parameters.

That said, I'm am intending to trust the judgement of my psychologist and go along with it.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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