Getting help; an FT rambling.
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05-08-2017, 08:16 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(05-08-2017 02:24 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(02-08-2017 02:25 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Additionally I may be able to take extra government funding for disability.

Why? Some of the most brilliant and productive members of the species were on the extreme end of the spectrum - Einstein, Mozart, Newton, Jefferson, Michelangelo, Warholl, Dickinson, ...

So what? I'll never been an Einstein or a Mozart or a Cavendish.

I am not in their league and I never, ever will be.

(05-08-2017 06:33 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(05-08-2017 03:42 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Not that I expect anything to help.

You under-appreciate the level of our pharmachological technology.

The only thing that really helped me stopped working, then put me on the edge of suicide. I see at this point stopping those was a mistake.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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05-08-2017, 08:44 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(05-08-2017 08:16 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(05-08-2017 02:24 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Why? Some of the most brilliant and productive members of the species were on the extreme end of the spectrum - Einstein, Mozart, Newton, Jefferson, Michelangelo, Warholl, Dickinson, ...

So what? I'll never been an Einstein or a Mozart or a Cavendish.

I am not in their league and I never, ever will be.

(05-08-2017 06:33 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  You under-appreciate the level of our pharmachological technology.

The only thing that really helped me stopped working, then put me on the edge of suicide. I see at this point stopping those was a mistake.

rupharma.com. Try the Selank.

#sigh
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05-08-2017, 10:32 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(02-08-2017 01:04 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Well, I'm home now from the interview testthingy. I'll just give us all a minute to prepare for rounds of "I told you so" ... Okay, ready?

I have autism. In about 4 weeks I'll get the diagnostic report in the mail and then it will be official.

After around about 8 years since the first recommendation, it feels good to know the truth.

Colour me surprised.

(31-07-2017 09:47 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(31-07-2017 09:11 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Yeah it's an autism diagnostic examinationything

Take a practice test. Smile

I scored 39. I'm slipping. Angry

(05-08-2017 08:16 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(05-08-2017 02:24 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Why? Some of the most brilliant and productive members of the species were on the extreme end of the spectrum - Einstein, Mozart, Newton, Jefferson, Michelangelo, Warholl, Dickinson, ...

So what? I'll never been an Einstein or a Mozart or a Cavendish.

I am not in their league and I never, ever will be.

Bollocks! You're in their league. You just haven't found your niche yet.

Or to be more accurate ... your niche hasn't yet found you.

And a niche does not require a university education.

I couldn't see a reply from you to morondog's post #222. I strongly recommend you look into that.

:wags finger:

Dodgy

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05-08-2017, 10:51 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(05-08-2017 06:03 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(04-08-2017 11:56 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  Out the fucking window go my good feels.

Just got an email from my uni... My progress is unsatisfactory, and unless I can prove to some committee that I deserve to continue my degree, I'm going to be kicked out.

Contest your dismissal on the basis of your diagnosis. It'll buy you enough time to finish and render the matter moot, which is precisely how they would prefer the matter to remain rendered.

It would be impossible for me to complete my degree during the contesting time period. I'd have to complete 2-odd years worth of studies minimum in a week.

(05-08-2017 10:32 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(05-08-2017 08:16 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  So what? I'll never been an Einstein or a Mozart or a Cavendish.

I am not in their league and I never, ever will be.

Bollocks! You're in their league. You just haven't found your niche yet.

Or to be more accurate ... your niche hasn't yet found you.

And a niche does not require a university education.

I may have been delusional enough to think I belonged in a place like a university, but I've never been so deluded as to convince myself I'd ever reach the brilliance of those people. Niche or no, I simply don't begin to match their intellects or capabilities. It's a simple and unavoidable fact. I'll never be like them. Pretending I could be is just foolish wishful thinking.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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05-08-2017, 11:09 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(05-08-2017 10:51 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  ...
It's a simple and unavoidable fact. I'll never be like them. Pretending I could be is just foolish wishful thinking.

You're looking at it from the wrong direction.

Einstein never aimed to be Einstein. Mozart never aimed to be Mozart.

They just immersed themselves in something that they turned to be good at.

Stop eating wheat.
Drift your way into scenarios / experiments / distractions.
Your niche will find you.
Lots of deep breaths and deep dives.

Obsession breeds expertise.

Do it.

Yes

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06-08-2017, 12:29 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(05-08-2017 11:09 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(05-08-2017 10:51 PM)Free Thought Wrote:  ...
It's a simple and unavoidable fact. I'll never be like them. Pretending I could be is just foolish wishful thinking.

You're looking at it from the wrong direction.

Einstein never aimed to be Einstein. Mozart never aimed to be Mozart.

They just immersed themselves in something that they turned to be good at.

And had the natural intellect and skill to excel at what they 'turned to be good at'. I don't. I don't have the brains, or the skill, or even anything I am actually good at. At best, I'm a thoroughly mediocre person; I excel only at not doing anything well. The sooner everybody else in my life can move past their own delusions about me being anything other than a human embodiment of worthlessness, the better things will be.

(05-08-2017 11:09 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Stop eating wheat.

there is no evidence to suggest I have coeliac or whatever.

(05-08-2017 11:09 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Drift your way into scenarios / experiments / distractions.
Your niche will find you.
Lots of deep breaths and deep dives.

Obsession breeds expertise.

Do it.

Yes

I don't drift. I sink. As my attempt at uni has proven. I tried. I did what I could to pursue the one thing I had and I failed. I sank. I have nothing else productive. What? I'm going to spend the rest of my time taking a billion photos that like three people would see?



I don't need to remind anybody here that sometimes there is no happy ending. Not everybody is a person with a place to be or niche to fill. Has anybody else considered that maybe, just maybe, I am one of those cases? Just here taking up space until I die and the world improves by it?

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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06-08-2017, 12:53 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(06-08-2017 12:29 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(05-08-2017 11:09 PM)DLJ Wrote:  You're looking at it from the wrong direction.

Einstein never aimed to be Einstein. Mozart never aimed to be Mozart.

They just immersed themselves in something that they turned to be good at.

And had the natural intellect and skill to excel at what they 'turned to be good at'. I don't. I don't have the brains, or the skill, or even anything I am actually good at. At best, I'm a thoroughly mediocre person; I excel only at not doing anything well. The sooner everybody else in my life can move past their own delusions about me being anything other than a human embodiment of worthlessness, the better things will be.

(05-08-2017 11:09 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Stop eating wheat.

there is no evidence to suggest I have coeliac or whatever.

(05-08-2017 11:09 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Drift your way into scenarios / experiments / distractions.
Your niche will find you.
Lots of deep breaths and deep dives.

Obsession breeds expertise.

Do it.

Yes

I don't drift. I sink. As my attempt at uni has proven. I tried. I did what I could to pursue the one thing I had and I failed. I sank. I have nothing else productive. What? I'm going to spend the rest of my time taking a billion photos that like three people would see?



I don't need to remind anybody here that sometimes there is no happy ending. Not everybody is a person with a place to be or niche to fill. Has anybody else considered that maybe, just maybe, I am one of those cases? Just here taking up space until I die and the world improves by it?

Wheat, dairy, colourants, preservatives, additives, whatever ... you are a unique configuration so you have to work out what fuel affects what behaviour / mental state.

For me, cheese + chocolate guarantees a migraine 12.5 hours later. And snacking down a loaf of bread makes me wake the next morning thinking "maybe, just maybe, I am one of those cases ... Just here taking up space until I die and the world improves by it."

Experiment, keep a food diary, systematically eliminate different dietary culprits. You'll find that evidence of something.

Please don't reply to this message. Just think it over.

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06-08-2017, 01:11 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Hey, FT! Sorry, I don't really know your situation all that well (and it's 4am here, so not sure how much sense this will make)

First off, sorry you're going through all this. Second off, I totally get giving in completely to the bleakness of the situation and imagining the very worst-case scenarios.... for a while. You know what? That's what I tend to do. I go to the bottom of that pit, wallow in what I find there... for a while... and then, it suddenly starts to dawn on me that the reality is nowhere near as bleak as it was in my wild imaginings. And then things come into a clearer focus and I start thinking of ways to fix the mess.

All this was just to say - I absolutely get how you must be feeling right now. Like there is no hope and there never will be any hope and everything is ending. You know what? Stay there for a bit, if you want, and don't feel guilty for it. But just realised it's *temporary*, that this too, shall pass. That everything passes and the pendulum keeps swinging.

I think what people meant when they said to contest the decision, was not to give you time to finish the degree in one week, but to buy yourself some time. Surely, they are not going to dismiss a medically-backed contestation in a week? And this is where you end up with a bit more time. Time to think of ways to fix this.Or to think of other plans, other paths. I know right now it feels there aren't any. Trust me, there are. There almost always are.

Sorry, this wasn't very coherent or helpful, will try better tomorrow. Just wanted to say - give in to the bleakness that you must feel is surrounding you, for a bit, but please, please, please (and this is the experience of decades more experience), just keep in mind this is temporary and will pass, and things will start to brighten up. I'm sure you don't believe me, just... don't shut down the hope and clearing of focus when they start coming back. And they will. I promise.

And you don't have to be an Einstein or a Mozart, in order to be a smart and happy person. You don't have to discover the theory of relativity or write symphonies at 10 to be a useful and content member of society. No, you probably cannot achieve anything you put your mind to... but there ABSOLUTELY are good and useful things that YOU can and will achieve. The Einsteins and Mozarts of this world are few and we need them, but we wouldn't have gotten nowhere without the myriad of non-Einsteins and non-Mozarts of this world.

And lastly - you're a good and bright kid*, don't ever doubt that.


* Cut me some slack, I remember him from when he was a teen. Rolleyes Or so I think...

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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06-08-2017, 05:44 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Thanks Vera. Good to know somebody understands the need to wallow.

As for holding out hope... it's not easy. Even if I do manage to keep in my course, I'll probably end up in the same situation next year, and the year after. I'm hardly progressing at all. I tried my best and as usual it wasn't good enough. How am I supposed to keep hope up with that slapping me back down to reality again and again?
I've been told plenty of times that I'll get better if I just keep going but things only seem to be getting worse. Every time I have a victory, it gets erased by something worse. I help a lost dog and do well in a lab? I'm probably not going to be allowed to continue studying next year.

I told mum, she said to not let this get me down. Don't see how. There is nothing positive here that I can see.


I'm seeing my doc today at uni then if I'm lucky seeing a counsellor to start sorting things out. Maybe if I can be arsed and have the time I'm attend some of my lectures.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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06-08-2017, 06:07 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
I took that test and got 35. I kind of figured that I was on the spectrum, but only recently. It took me 6-1/2 years to get a 4-year degree. Of course I had a job, which cut into study time. Given how my sons' lives are going (two with diagnoses of ADD), I'm thinking that getting tested for Asperger's Syndrome might not be a bad idea.
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