Getting help; an FT rambling.
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16-08-2017, 03:46 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(16-08-2017 07:23 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Guess i should be here again. I sent a response to the letter just now. One of the student advocates helped me write it, and I attached a letter written by my doctor with it. I hope it is sufficient... I'll be pursuing a remission of my fees and fail grades of last semester which -if successful- should bring my GPA up to acceptable levels. I just need to see my doc or one of the two psychs and convince them to write a thing in support of me, saying things went mentally downhill for me after the census date, I'm sure none of them would object.

That's one source of anxiety a tiny by relieved. Now i just need to focus on not being so incompetent as to fail even more this semester.

The fact that you are working toward getting things taken care is a very good thing.

Hugs to you my young friend. Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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16-08-2017, 09:12 PM (This post was last modified: 16-08-2017 09:59 PM by Free Thought.)
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Thanks MD and Angie.

Just got an email. The advisor I saw has contacted the topic coordinator for the lab I ran away from like a pansy. I'll get that situation fixed

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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17-08-2017, 04:00 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Hi mate.

May I ask, what kind of biopsy?

If it is recommended, get it! Just do it! A bone marrow biopsy saved my life. I lost count of those biopsies after my 55th.

This world needs you on it. Okay?

I'd be very pissed off if anything happened to you. Look after yourself.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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17-08-2017, 04:16 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(17-08-2017 04:00 AM)Banjo Wrote:  Hi mate.

May I ask, what kind of biopsy?

If it is recommended, get it! Just do it! A bone marrow biopsy saved my life. I lost count of those biopsies after my 55th.

This world needs you on it. Okay?

I'd be very pissed off if anything happened to you. Look after yourself.

Hey Banjo, hope things are going well for you. Don't worry about the biopsy, I had the stitch out yesterday actually. The nurse said the report came back with nothing unusual. It's just a lesion... wart... scabbyzit... fuck if we know that happens to be part of a rash that is also a fuckifweknow thing.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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17-08-2017, 04:26 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(17-08-2017 04:16 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Hey Banjo, hope things are going well for you. Don't worry about the biopsy, I had the stitch out yesterday actually. The nurse said the report came back with nothing unusual. It's just a lesion... wart... scabbyzit... fuck if we know that happens to be part of a rash that is also a fuckifweknow thing.

Phew. Okay that's a relief.

Me? Brain's going down the dunny. It was bound to happen. Big Grin

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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22-08-2017, 07:59 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Spoke with Program Psych today, talked about my recent situation (still haven't heard anything back from uni on that). He said he'd get my Reg Psych to look at and fill the fee/grade remission form for me and try to give it back next time I saw him (19th Sep).

He asked how I felt exactly when I get the email. I had a great time before it, I helped that dog, got my ASD diagnosis, and saw Reg Psych, and bam, that.

Today I didn't lie a bit, no sugar coating or smoothing over.

I told him; I felt defeated, not surprised by it, just defeated, like it was an inevitable thing, so why bother fighting it. Then my next thoughts were to my Plan B. ... It took a bit to get myself to actually explain that...

I don't recall if I mentioned it here, but for most of this year, I've been stockpiling meds; missed days, unfinished prescriptions, unfilled scripts. I must have a few hundred pills of various antidepressants and a dozen or so muscle relaxant tabs. I still have scripts to fill too.

It's my Plan B. If things go really far south, I've got my stockpile. My ultimate retreat option.

I know ODing is super-low on the suicide success rate unless you have high-tier stuff like phenobarb. Which I'd only be able to get by importing from China and hoping Customs doesn't catch it... So (as I related to him), it's mostly just a security blanket rather than an actual 'plan' so to speak. Having it gives me a feeling of security; that I have the option to 'retreat' if need be, but intellectually I know the odds of success are very low so its hardly worth the risks unless I get extremely desperate.

He wants me to get rid of it. He seemed to have the wind blown out a bit when I mentioned that stuff, said it was clear I'd done some research. Which I have... Trust me, if I could actually buy pure nitrogen or another inert gas for an exit bag rig I would, but that shit is too costly, can't be easily hidden, and runs the risk of police involvement; young person buying a decent size tank of pure gas, not sus at all right. Of course just making a brain mural is impossible too, even if I could afford one, I couldn't legally get a firearm and I've have no idea how to get my hands on a go-bang stick and bullets otherwise.

Getting off track, didn't say most of that to him. So yeah... he wants me to get rid of my metaphorical security blanket. Said we should work on finding something else which could give me the assurance, while being more of a positive influence. He thought having the Plan B might be a bit too convenient, that it could stop me from trying to fix problems seeing as I'd have that option already available to fall back to.
He suggested perhaps in the future looking toward getting a dog for myself as a proper companion animal since I like dogs and all. ... the cats are great, but they lack the empathy dogs give off. Unfortunately, that's not possible for the moment; with the cats, and Kali? No way. Besides, I couldn't afford one anyway. Can barely afford myself.

So that's that... I've been asked to try to reduce the stockpile, I don't need to get rid of it all at once, just reduce it down a bit before our next appointment.

Things might be getting worse on the homefront too soon as well, which is great...

Enough for now, I need to try to fall unconscious for a few hours. Because tomorrow I have the second instance of the Lab from which I ran away like a pansy. That's going to be... fun...

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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22-08-2017, 08:22 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Get rid of it mate. Throw it out.

Personally, I'd like to see you dig your heels in, be stubborn and get through it.

You never know what interesting people and experiences are around the corner. You're young mate. Loads of time for those experiences.

Seriously, look at how lucky we are to exist. How freaking random that we here got to be when others tried and failed.

First salmon to the top of the river. Throwing in the towel is kind of a slap in the face of the slower swimmers. Smile

You can do it. We're long dead and short lived enough. Better to be War and peace than Candide. Wink

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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22-08-2017, 09:00 AM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
I have to tell ya bro, if I were gonna suicide I dunno if I'd go with that. It sounds pretty chilled to OD but if you do survive with brain damage for example, life could be pretty awful. Chuck it out.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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22-08-2017, 03:57 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
(22-08-2017 09:00 AM)morondog Wrote:  I have to tell ya bro, if I were gonna suicide I dunno if I'd go with that. It sounds pretty chilled to OD but if you do survive with brain damage for example, life could be pretty awful. Chuck it out.

Actually ODing from what I can find is largely a horrible experience unless you can solidly knock yourself out first, and have high quality meds. Your body will try to vomit the drugs oit once it figures out something happened. Even if
you are unconscious, coupled with the low failure rate, you are more likely to wake up in a poor of your own puke with a splitting headache than anything for most attempts. Plus long term damage... its overall a shitty way to try.

But I don't have other options. I lack anywhere sturdy enough at home to try for a snap-hanging. I can't shoot myself because guns are dam near impossible to come by for someone like me. I can't afford gas for an exit bag rig.

My only other options are dicing myself (another very low success rate), jumping from a high place (nowhere I know I can get to is tall enough to ensure fatality), or jumping in front of a train (the tracks are fenced, raised, and cleared so getting chances aren't great there either).

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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22-08-2017, 04:22 PM
RE: Getting help; an FT rambling.
Okay mate. You are beginning to worry me.

What in your life is so bad that this is in your thought process at this time?

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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