Getting over someone

[Nevermore]

I need some advice. I've had a huge crush on a girl for quite a while now, but I think the reality is it won't work out. I've been doing my best, but I think I need to know how to get over her. I very rarely ever have such feelings for someone else. Maybe just minor infatuation every now and then, but I've started becoming obsessed with making this work. It's preoccupied my mind. I haven't been able to get homework done, I've had horrible mood swings and I've even considered self-harm. These things aren't like me at all. I don't really know how to handle these feelings of attraction. This post probably seems really scatter brained. Just help an angry teenager find peace again, please. What's the easiest way to get over someone? Every time I try to just forget her, she somehow creeps back into my mind. As if my mind is somehow resisting my efforts.

[Bucky Ball]

(28-10-2012 02:16 PM)Nevermore Wrote:  I need some advice. I've had a huge crush on a girl for quite a while now, but I think the reality is it won't work out. I've been doing my best, but I think I need to know how to get over her. I very rarely ever have such feelings for someone else. Maybe just minor infatuation every now and then, but I've started becoming obsessed with making this work. It's preoccupied my mind. I haven't been able to get homework done, I've had horrible mood swings and I've even considered self-harm. These things aren't like me at all. I don't really know how to handle these feelings of attraction. This post probably seems really scatter brained. Just help an angry teenager find peace again, please. What's the easiest way to get over someone? Every time I try to just forget her, she somehow creeps back into my mind. As if my mind is somehow resisting my efforts.

A couple tricks you can teach yourself. It's all about "associative memory". A friend once made me go learn to ski much harder slopes once, when I was depressed about something. I learned that "total concentration" on something new, (required), is the best way. If that involves "danger", (in the skill, it's best, as it's 100% distracting). Can you think of something you've always wanted to learn or try that you never did ? If so, just go do it. (Of course the best thing for THAT is to fly somewhere different .. a totally different environment, so there are no associations. That's almost always not practical. BUT, you see what I mean...if you could GO to Hawaii or Bora Bora sailing, you would not be thinking about her...you *could* do that in your head, depending on how good your imaginative is. You can teach yourself to exclude things from your conscious brain. Think of something "else" you consciously decide you like, like a sport, or hiking, or whatever your major interests are. Every time "she" intrudes, snap you finger, and "go" to the other. thing. Train your brain. It works. Don't do anything you did together, or go anywhere you went together. Of course THE easiest way is meeting someone ELSE, but that's not always possible right away. The instant that happens, the old memories fade, instantly,. Meanwhile, distract yourself. Don't be a victim of your own brain cells. Train them. Make sense ?

[Misanthropik]

I've had a kind of crush on a particular woman for about 5 years now. In that time, I've learned many things about her, and now know that she is a total piece of shit and not worth having in my life. And yet, there's still a deeply-seeded attraction. On the rare occasions when I encounter her while out on the town, she sticks in my mind for hours afterward. Again, she is not the kind of person I need to associate with - let alone be involved with romantically - and yet there's just something about her that drives me absolutely crazy when I encounter it. She's like a drug.

Just like with all addictive drugs, I find the best way to break free of them is to avoid them entirely. Cold-turkey, while not always the most appealing solution, is sometimes the *best* solution.

[Nevermore]

Thanks for the advice, both of you. I've been doing better lately. Trying to meet other people, captivating my mind with other things. Perhaps with time she'll finally be forgotten.

[earmuffs]

[TrainWreck]

I found that geographic relocation is the best solution.

I made very little attempt to change my personality, until I finally accepted that I am better off alone, anyway. The world is all fucked up like everyone says. If I were really any good at sex I would get it on with anybody - right???

But, if you have been thinking about killing yourself, go ahead - the world is over populated, and chances are you have nothing to contribute to its betterment. Really, what are you living for, the chance that maybe, if things were to fall into place it will be a wonderful life with an all loving and submissive spouse???

I already reorganized the absrtract world of human knowledge, there is not much left to "invent" for this overpoulated world of idiots - you do know that, do you?

[Thanh]

I got the same problem with a co-worker who I found out is a recently converted Muslim. He's Caucasian, intelligent (as I can tell so far) and I haven't felt so miserable since the day it was clear that we mutually like each other. I've been working my ass off to be OK with his choice to convert, but in the end it always comes to this: Islam is crap and I can't lie to myself and him saying that I can just tip-toe around the issue.

The problem is that we're going to be working together, sometimes closely and I'm looking forward to breaking his heart because of his religion.

[legendoflink]

Since this is about getting over people, this seems like an appropriate place to post this:

My ex-boyfriend is absolutely obsessed with me.
I've blocked him on Facebook, but from friends and his brother, I've heard that he posts pictures of me on there daily. His Tumblr is also nothing, but photos of me and quotes about how he wants to die.
His half sister has threatened to kill me because he is talking about suicide.
I blocked him to help him get his mind off of me and he keeps looking back on the past. I've moved on and all I want is for him to also move on and actually be happy. I hate seeing him hurt, but at the same time it severely frightens me.
Any advice that someone could give me please?

[bemore]

(10-12-2012 12:41 PM)legendoflink Wrote:  Since this is about getting over people, this seems like an appropriate place to post this:

My ex-boyfriend is absolutely obsessed with me.
I've blocked him on Facebook, but from friends and his brother, I've heard that he posts pictures of me on there daily. His Tumblr is also nothing, but photos of me and quotes about how he wants to die.
His half sister has threatened to kill me because he is talking about suicide.
I blocked him to help him get his mind off of me and he keeps looking back on the past. I've moved on and all I want is for him to also move on and actually be happy. I hate seeing him hurt, but at the same time it severely frightens me.
Any advice that someone could give me please?

He led his life before he met you.... its his responsibility and not yours. He is only doing it for your attention and to tell others how much he is hurting, its not your fault he is acting the way he is.

You just need to leave him to figure it out himself, which he will.

[PoolBoyG]

My understanding is that infatuation/love have very real physical chemical changes involved. Your body released chemicals to imprint yourself onto someone so you'd feel a need to be with them. Evolutionary purpose of this might be to copulate, and stay around long enough to raise the next generation.
*That is my understanding, someone please confirm or deny.

So, you're essentially a drug addict or alcoholic. There is some physical "damage" being done. But to recover, you have to understand what's happening, and detox. "I don't need drugs, I don't need alcohol, I don't need that girl or guy." Your body will recover, but not soon. Your body and mind may hurt, but that's expected. It will pass.

...if not, you could always take up drugs or alcohol >_>