Getting over someone

[Misanthropik]

(10-12-2012 04:34 PM)poolboyg88 Wrote:  My understanding is that infatuation/love have very real physical chemical changes involved. Your body released chemicals to imprint yourself onto someone so you'd feel a need to be with them. Evolutionary purpose of this might be to copulate, and stay around long enough to raise the next generation.
*That is my understanding, someone please confirm or deny.

So, you're essentially a drug addict or alcoholic. There is some physical "damage" being done. But to recover, you have to understand what's happening, and detox. "I don't need drugs, I don't need alcohol, I don't need that girl or guy." Your body will recover, but not soon. Your body and mind may hurt, but that's expected. It will pass.

...if not, you could always take up drugs or alcohol >_>

This is true.
Courtship and attraction release chemicals to which you literally become addicted. That's why breakups are so emotionally and physically draining. You're in a literal drug detox, and you're feeling symptoms of withdrawl.

It's interesting to note that these hormones - which encourage nurturing - tend to die off after about 2-3 years. This is also the time when the "honeymoon" period ends, and when couples tend to start talking about having children. They've gotten used to each other, so their brains are craving a new fix; and a newborn would provide the perfect "hit". (Or a partner on the side, as it may be with some)

Humans are basically just drug addicts; eternally in search of a new high. I almost envy the religious for believing we're more than that. It can all seem rather bleak if thought about too deeply for too long.

[Thanh]

Writing is a good outlet for those crazy thoughts bumping around in my head, I want to thank those who said things like "get creative". Focusing all of my energy into using my imagination for good is really helping me step back and look at the situation with more serenity.

One thing I reminded myself was that before I fell for this person, I was in love with myself in the first place. Producing something beautiful, whether it's music or narration, is making me realize how awesome I am on my own

[robsaugury]

(28-10-2012 02:16 PM)Nevermore Wrote:  I need some advice. I've had a huge crush on a girl for quite a while now, but I think the reality is it won't work out. I've been doing my best, but I think I need to know how to get over her. I very rarely ever have such feelings for someone else. Maybe just minor infatuation every now and then, but I've started becoming obsessed with making this work. It's preoccupied my mind. I haven't been able to get homework done, I've had horrible mood swings and I've even considered self-harm. These things aren't like me at all. I don't really know how to handle these feelings of attraction. This post probably seems really scatter brained. Just help an angry teenager find peace again, please. What's the easiest way to get over someone? Every time I try to just forget her, she somehow creeps back into my mind. As if my mind is somehow resisting my efforts.

I'll throw out a quote from Star Trek Voyager: Tuvvok: "your intense physical fixation, or infatuation is merely a state of mind. First you must logically deconstruct it; understand where it comes from and why it has such a grip on you. Then logically reconstruct your mental view of life without the object of your desire". Or another quote from the Tibetan Book of the Dead: "The surest cure for intense, mind consuming infatuation is to goto a cemetery and imagine the object of your desire as they are now. Then imagine them getting older, then dying and finally how their body decays. Understanding that your fixation like their beauty is mere a passing state."
However, as with my daughters, I'd advise against rushing to rid yourself of this opportunity to better understand YOU! Your emotions are NOT an enemy, or "bad" thing, but apparently misguided. In as much as they can torment us, they can bring depth and a dimension to our experiences that we'd be sorely remiss without. And think of the amazing things that they guide and encourage our rational minds to create, such as: every major masterpiece in art or music, the Taj Mahal, the LHC, the Neutrino detector here in Canada and even THE COMPUTER!!
Besides, there's a hint of despondency in the tone of your message. Don't let it, you have years of your universe to experience and it'd be a shame to ignore that based on a misunderstood experience.
Please message me if you ever need a compassionate sounding board....

[Birdguy1979]

my first bit of advice would be to figure out why it is impossible to work out. If you are already dating her, then why is it hopeless? If you are not, why is it hopeless? If you are not and she is with the newest boyfriend of the moment and is that type of girl, you would probably not want to date her due to the way she is. It sounds like you might want a more serious relationship and not just to get laid. If i have it wrong then you might be the one that just wants to get laid and she the other type, but I don't think in this case I am wrong. If you are dating her and she is constantly flirting with other guys in front of you, then dump her ass and never look back. I play a lot of video games when I am looking to just unwind or to take my mind off of something else. My wife is having surgery on the 26th this month and being at the hospital cut off from games to take my mind off of it is going to be really difficult.

If I am wrong about both, then maybe it is that you should be brutally honest with her. Let her know how you feel and see if she might feel the same. I was socially awkward before meeting my wife. I am still somewhat socially awkward. It took being brutally honest with her to get a second date after I royally fucked up the first one.