Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
28-09-2014, 07:52 PM
Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
So, as some know already, I've recently asked a girl to homecoming. Her response was unfavorable (it was a 'maybe', but later my friend inquired and told me it was a 'no').

Now, I'm trying to find the best way to approach the situation. I tend to overanalyze things (which I am doing currently), but I want to make sure that my approach is calculated.

But, for now, what bothers me is that I do not have a reason for her not wanting to go to homecoming with me.

I did not ask her formally, but approached her and asked nonchalantly (as nonchalantly as possible for my first time) if she wanted to "hang out" with me and a group of my friends from school, to which she smiled, laughed, replied "maybe", and walked away.

Apparently, from my friends inquiry, she thought I was joking because that is what I usually do in a non-private setting (I tend to get nervous, which causes me to over analyze and create funny analogies and ideas, even though I do not appear outwardly nervous). My friend then told her that I was serious, and asked her if she was going to go, to which she responded "no".

So, I am still missing a reason, and I want advice on how to go about acquiring such information (without being weird or seeming mad at her for not wanting to go with me). And, because I'm missing a reason, I am unsure as to whether or not her response was "no" because she can't go, or if she just doesn't like me. Along with this, I still wish to talk to her, but I'm afraid that she will only see this action as an attempt to get with her, when I genuinely enjoy talking to her (which is a rare thing for me).

I couldn't really care less whether or not she wishes to be in a relationship with me, I just don't want things to be weird between her, myself, and her friends.

Oh, BTW, she doesn't know that I understand that it is a "no", to her, I still see it as a "maybe" (my 'friend' was sort of undercover).
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
28-09-2014, 07:57 PM (This post was last modified: 29-09-2014 09:59 PM by Smercury44.)
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
I say if you want things to not be awkward between you two and your groups of friends, act like it didn't happen. I think trying to find out why she said no will only put both of you in an awkward situation. I think you have to let this go, and be proud you had the guts to ask. It's good practice for future flirting/dating with other girls. Hope you two can stay friends Thumbsup

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 8 users Like Smercury44's post
28-09-2014, 10:00 PM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
Maybe is always no. If you aren't straight forward with a girl that is not completely digging you, you will get a maybe... which means no. If you are direct, you may or may not get a yes. This ship has sailed. Acting like either it didn't happen or you don't care makes you look more attractive in that you appear to have self confidence. Showing that you're wounded can make things awkward. Don't let girls have an idea you're over analyzing. I over analyze everything, I just don't let others know it. This was great practice. Eventually you will get to a point where "when" you get turned down, you can think " their loss, I'm awesome" and not really give a damn. This is not the last time you will be turned down and have no idea why. Hell, the girl likely doesn't know why - it just boils down to that she's just not that into you. Girls are difficult like that. As you get more experience and improve your technique, so do most women with sending the right messages. Just as you're figuring out relationships and how to flirt, so are they. It gets better.

Oh, and she knows. There is no such thing as undercover with this kind of thing. Teenage girls LIVE for this. Sorry she said no. Weeping

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 7 users Like Nurse's post
29-09-2014, 03:09 AM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
Why do you need a reason? She doesn't want to go out with you, simple as that. On to the next girl.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like DunkleSeele's post
29-09-2014, 05:09 AM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
From your post it sounds like you talk with this girl often, and would like that to remain, so just be normal around her. Pretend it didn't happen. Or just address it up front and just tell her that you still enjoy talking even though she said no. That would be taken as a compliment.

If you were being nonchalant in your question- then she replied in a way that didn't put herself at risk for being a fool. She probably wasn't able to ascertain if you were serious. If your were serious about asking her, then you should have asked her privately and not in a joking manner.

I would also take your friend out of the middle of this conversation. When you ask jokingly, she doesn't know if you are serious, so she doesn't say. When your friend approaches, she is still uncertain if you were actually serious ( yeah, yeah he *says* you were serious), but how is she supposed to know if you two aren't just goofing off? She doesn't. So, if you mean it, be serious and ask privately.

Keep talking to her, maybe she will warm up to you by the Spring dance Wink


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Bows and Arrows's post
29-09-2014, 05:36 AM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
(28-09-2014 10:00 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Oh, and she knows. There is no such thing as undercover with this kind of thing. Teenage girls LIVE for this. Sorry she said no. Weeping

+1

Yeah, girls figure that stuff out WAY before we do. As they say, "ask me how I know..." Blush

Quote:I couldn't really care less whether or not she wishes to be in a relationship with me, I just don't want things to be weird between her, myself, and her friends.

Are you sure? If you were nervous, that suggests to me that you do care. Think about all the girls that you didn't ask out and aren't over analyzing right now - those are the girls you could care less about dating. In your mind, there is something special about this girl. Like Smercury said, the best way to avoid awkwardness is to act like it didn't happen, but I'd also suggest being honest with yourself about how you feel and what you really want out of the relationship.

Trying to be her friend while "secretly"* wanting to be her boyfriend is also a recipe for misery and awkwardness. For one thing, it's a fundamentally dishonest strategy. For another, it has a very low success rate, so you end up wasting a lot of emotional energy on her that could be invested in other girls that you might have a chance with.

I think there is another important lesson here too. Next time ask the question you want answered. You didn't want to know if she was interested in hanging out with you and your friends. You wanted to know if she'd go to homecoming with you. I completely understand wanting to protect your ego, but like you found out, it leads to ambiguity. They hurt, but hard blowouts really do save you a lot time and unnecessary long term suffering.

*I put "secretly" in quotes because like we established earlier, THEY KNOW.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-09-2014, 05:44 AM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
Give yourself time to move on, keep living life as you would have (including being her friend), and you'll find someone else, eventually.

The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-09-2014, 07:00 AM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
Teenaged girls are the meanest creatures on the face of the earth. I have two currently. My girls are good for the most part, but man they can be hateful.

Move on, there are other girls out there. No telling how she is going to be, but it should be easy enough for you to not make a big deal of it.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-09-2014, 08:18 AM (This post was last modified: 29-09-2014 01:21 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
Hmm, well I'm a deviant from the advice given above. Although I think asking "why" (in any form) is a bad idea. If it were me I would just innocently ask for confirmation or not (because wishy washy crap is highly annoying to me). I'd just casually be like, "Hey I'd like to confirm my plans for X, were you and I going to be doing this together? Or no?" Mixing in comedy is always good too, but I'm not gunna try to tell you how to joke haha.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-09-2014, 10:23 AM
RE: Girl I asked out said "maybe" (meant no), what now?
I've never liked people who cant give me a yes or no, date or even guy friends. Make your mind up or the "maybe" is a no to me. I am not going to sit by the phone and wait on anyone. "Maybe" can be acceptable sometimes, but only for a day or so. If they cant give you an answer in that time, they never took your offer seriously and are just being polite.

I cannot tell you what to do. But as a teen and young adult I spent too much time waiting only for nothing to happen or to be told "no" at the last second. Do your own thing and be yourself, if someone really wants to be with you, it will show and you will not have to guess.

Your friends and or those who really want to date you, won't do that. They will be up front with you. That isn't just with a potential date. That is also with friends in general.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Brian37's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: