God parody
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
12-09-2014, 02:18 PM
God parody
Yeah, I'm bored. So here it is.

God to Adam and Eve:
"Today I created you and now I'm going to go hide where you can't see me. Why am I hiding? Because I want to find out if you will be good or bad without me. I want to know your true nature. Of course, I'm God so I already know... Consider ...but never mind those little technicalities. They aren't important.

On with the test.

Oh wait, you don't even know what good and evil are yet... Ohmy Silly me! Ok here, have an apple tree. Just eat one apple and this tree will educate you on all that's good and bad. It will tell you all you need to know about disobeying me or choosing not to. But don't eat from it. I don't want you to know about those things at all. Did I just contradict myself...? Consider Never mind...

Now, on with the test.

Wait damn, I must be getting too old! My omniscience isn't what it used to be. If I forbid you to find out about good and evil, you would never know how to disobey me and so there would be no point to the test. Facepalm Sigh. Ok, what you need is temptation. **With a snap of his fingers, a snake appears nearby.** There, done.

Now, on with the test at last!"

**God leaves and hides**

After waiting what seemed like an eternity, all God sees is Adam, Eve, and the snake talking incessantly and living off the other fruit trees.

God thinks to himself:
"Wait, something is still not right. If they don't know about evil yet, they can't disobey me even with temptation. So they need to eat the apple in order to gain the knowledge of evil so they might be tempted to eat the apple. (Hmm, circular reasoning - sounds interesting - I'm going to have to remember that one for future inspiring. Ugh, I'm getting distracted with my own tangents... definitely getting too old! Dodgy )

So what am I going to do about this problem? Oh screw it, I'll just take away their free will long enough to make them succumb to the snake's temptation and then I'll blame all of their descendents for my forcing them to disobey me! And then I'll tell each and every one of them to bow down and hail me as the greatest! Well, I won't really tell them... I'll keep them guessing! Angel Heh, heh! This will be the most fun I've had since I threw Lucifer in the cooker! And any that refuse to bow down to me will get thrown in the cooker too so I can even have that fun all over again! It sure is great being omnipotent!" Evil_monster

I am not accountable to any God. I am accountable to myself - and not because I think I am God as some theists would try to assert - but because, no matter what actions I take, thoughts I think, or words I utter, I have to be able to live with myself.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Impulse's post
12-09-2014, 02:26 PM
RE: God parody
Quote:Wait damn, I must be getting too old! My omniscience isn't what it used to be.Laughat
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes pablo's post
12-09-2014, 09:23 PM
RE: God parody
What a dick.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-09-2014, 09:28 PM
RE: God parody
I'm bored too...

If I knew how to do it I'd upload video of the God/Jesus tag team I created on Smackdown.

Nothing like blasphemy for entertainment.

[img]

via GIPHY

[/img]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
12-09-2014, 10:10 PM
RE: God parody
God and Lucifer are hanging around in heaven as kids in the celestial playground. God says "I bet I can fool millions of humans into thinking that I'm good even after I commit all kinds of blatant evil acts and even profess to them my title as the creator of evil."

Lucifer "You're on. There is no way millions could be that stupid. "

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Rahn127's post
13-09-2014, 06:37 AM
RE: God parody
It makes more sense if you take the perspective that god is evil and he wants to put the maximum number of people in hell.

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
13-09-2014, 10:01 AM
RE: God parody
To be honest the NT kind of fucked up the OT. In the OT god was just all powerful, he wasn't all knowing. He didn't make a pretense at being "loving" or "merciful", he was just a hard line conservative; do what I say and I may give you shit, don't do it and I will fuck you in the ass. Hell, he might do that anyway for something your grand pappy did.

Then waltzes in jesus, being like "no this asshole in the sky, he is actually a cool dude". Everybody likes the loving armchair dad more than the comes home drunk at two in the morning and beats you cause he is a failure dad, so people got on board. Only problem is there is still blood on the walls from last time, and he still spends pretty much all of his time away from home instead of with you and the kids. So just like all kids with absentee fathers, you invent all kinds of stories about him. He is all good. He is all knowing. He works in mysterious ways. And you feel a little better as you nod of to sleep, meanwhile us bitter atheist are crying into our pillows saying he was never really a good god and he is not coming back. Now we are grown adults (really stretching this metaphor), and our christian brothers and sisters are hyper overachievers vying for the love and affection they never got, meanwhile us atheist have moved on with your lives, and figure we where better off without him. On holidays and birthdays the atheist and the christians get along well enough, so long as nobody brings up you-know-who, prompting emotionally wounded christians and dead-inside-atheist to go at each other's throats over the punch bowl.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Michael_Tadlock's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: