God's Resignation Letter
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19-11-2011, 11:07 AM
 
God's Resignation Letter
This thread is for fun, folks.

The "What kind of god would you like" thread gave me the opportunity to express a long-held view: if god did exist and we could advise him what to do, I would advise him to remove 'predation' from the original design and then resign with a letter of apology to humanity and other living species.

So, this is your opportunity to draft that letter of resignation, in god's name, and fill in the blanks that I will leave in my own draft below. Feel free to change the wording of the draft letter at will.

Quote:Dear Humans,

I, the undersigned, the creator of heaven and Earth, hereby tender my resignation from the post of "the almighty", effective immediately.

Before I leave, I will correct the utmost blunder I made, as a young and inexperienced deity, by basing my design on the concept of 'predation', that caused untold suffering to the innocent children of the planet.

No wonder many of you questioned the idea of "Intelligent Design".

I would further like to apologize to:

Quote:...please fill in the blank

for

Quote:...please fill in the blank

I promise, I will never make the same stupid mistakes again.

Your humble servant:

JEHOVAH
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19-11-2011, 11:58 AM
RE: God's Resignation Letter
(19-11-2011 11:07 AM)Zatamon Wrote:  This thread is for fun, folks.
So, this is your opportunity to draft that letter of resignation, in god's name, and fill in the blanks that I will leave in my own draft below. Feel free to change the wording of the draft letter at will.
Dear Humans,

I, the undersigned, the creator of heaven and Earth, hereby tender my resignation from the post of "the almighty", effective immediately.

Before I leave, I will correct the utmost blunder I made, as a young and inexperienced deity, by basing my design on the concept of 'predation', that caused untold suffering to the innocent children of the planet.

No wonder many of you questioned the idea of "Intelligent Design".

I would further like to apologize to:

… everyone; and I may be directly addressing the female humans, although not specifically …

for

… "original sin" and the whole menstruation issue. I see where that's caused a lot of resentment. In my defense, it was a misunderstanding… the snake was supposed to be the source of … you guys with your interpretations… lol … I just… free will was supposed to … erh … never mind.


I promise, I will never make the same stupid mistakes again.

Your humble servant:

JEHOVAH


:post script-
You will interpret it. That's your right. But as I leave you I want you to know — just think how much you're going to be missing. You don't have Almighty God to kick around any more, because, humans, this is my last creation and it will be one in which I have welcomed the opportunity to test wits with you.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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19-11-2011, 12:01 PM
RE: God's Resignation Letter
....
to:
goldfish
for
frat-boys

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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19-11-2011, 01:17 PM
 
RE: God's Resignation Letter
Quote:I would further like to apologize:

To:

Zatamon

For:

the lack of serenity to accept the things you cannot change;
the lack of courage to change the things you can;
and stupidity of not knowing the difference.

I promise, I will never make the same mistakes again.

Your humble servant:

JEHOVAH

Big Grin (the smirk is mine, not god's -- Cyrano de Zatamon)
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19-11-2011, 04:59 PM
RE: God's Resignation Letter
Dear Humans,

I, the undersigned, the creator of heaven and Earth, hereby tender my resignation from the post of "the almighty", effective immediately.

Before I leave though I only feel it right that I clear some things up.

1: I didnt endorse the bible....my legal team did there best to get it removed but the case was lost as the publishers had spelt my name backwards so the judge threw it out on a technicality
I am a little dissapointed that you all fell for this....I did after all make you more intelligent than all the other animals of earth....(well maybe not the dolphins)

2: Jesus wasnt my son....and I have no regrets to paying no child maintenace as Mary refused to do a DNA test.

I promise, I will never make the same stupid mistakes again.

Your humble servant:

DOG

Ps.....Just because ive quit doesnt mean that you should all give up hope....Until a replacement is found all prayers shall be left on my answering machine, just leave a message after the beep.

PPs....Dont blame yourselves, it isnt you.......its me.....really.

PPPs...Could somebody please check wether I turned the cooker off.....

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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19-11-2011, 06:59 PM
RE: God's Resignation Letter
PS. I wish to be in no way affiliated with Pope Nazi. I didn't want him to be appointed and it was only by a technical oversight he was. If I'm honest I accidentally booked a golfing weekend with Zeus that coincided with conclave and I really didn't want to miss the golfing weekend as me and Zeus haven't played golf in like 2000 years. So anyway I decided to skip conclave 'cos I figured that they couldn't do anything too stupid in my absence but I guess I was giving those retards way too much credit. Back to the point, yeah, I want him dead just as much as you but I don't wanna kill him as, as much as I hate Satan, I don't think I could justify sending him Ratzinger early. Also, if I did, there's a loophole he might exploit where he could claim to have served his punishment by being killed early and the courts may say I have to take him and there's no way in heaven, hell or anywhere else that I'm risking having him turn up at my gates. Sorry but you're stuck with the asshole for now.

PPS. Yes, he is a direct descendant of the Sith Lord Darth Sidious.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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20-11-2011, 05:24 AM
RE: God's Resignation Letter
Apologise to:
Your intelligence
For
putting up with organised religion towards me

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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20-11-2011, 12:13 PM
RE: God's Resignation Letter
Apologise to:
Lucifer who never did anything wrong
and
for killing all those people.

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20-11-2011, 05:27 PM (This post was last modified: 20-11-2011 05:39 PM by houseofcantor.)
RE: God's Resignation Letter
Suck it up, monkeys.





It is a learning experience for all involved.

4 ...and don't make me come down there!
Hmmn... that vid now has 777 views. Can't explain that! Big Grin

...and it's YHWH (ya-weh). Tongue

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