Going to church
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17-04-2014, 06:01 PM (This post was last modified: 17-04-2014 06:08 PM by Fruzsi93.)
Going to church
I come from a fairly religious Catholic family. My parents divorced, so it's me, my mom and her parents living in a house. My grandfather (who I really love) is incredibly religious, he was raised in a likewise family. My grandmother in my opinion just followed along and is a pretty strong believer by now as well, but much more understanding. My mom doesn't attend church regularly, however lately she became much more regular about it.

Ever since I was a little girl,I was forced into church and praying at home. To be honest I never truly believed,when I was smaller I was happy and treated it as a phantasy world, but ask grew up I became more aware, and stopped liking the church and supporting their horrible views (gays, women, slavery etc..)

Today I am 21 years old, living away for university and I just came out to my grandfather because he asked me why I don't pray anymore. One thing followed another and now my whole family knows. I think they were expecting this as I tried attending church less and less. My mom always made me feel terrible saying "you could really go to church for your grandfather it makes him so happy".

Truth is, I am sick of church. Literally. I get nauseous even just thinking about it. I hate what they do, all the money they make, all their views they support, all that brainwashing. I hate it.

My question is as Easter is coming up, I bet the whole family will attend that 'glorious' event when they all walk around the church, and they will tell me the same thing "you should make you grandfather feel good once a year, come to chuch". Does any of you have a good comeback for this emotional manipulation? I really don't even want to go near a church anymore but I can't take feeling so bad about myself anymore either... Please help me! Thank you so much in advance!
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17-04-2014, 06:12 PM
RE: Going to church
(17-04-2014 06:01 PM)Fruzsi93 Wrote:  I come from a fairly religious Catholic family. My parents divorced, so it's me, my mom and her parents living in a house. My grandfather (who I really love) is incredibly religious, he was raised in a likewise family. My grandmother in my opinion just followed along and is a pretty strong believer by now as well but much more understanding. My mom doesn't attend church regularly, however lately she began much more regular.

Ever since I was a little girl,I was forced into church and praying at home. To be honest I never truly believed,when I was smaller I was happy and treated it as a phantasy world, but ask grew up I became more aware and stopped liking the church and supporting their horrible views (gays, women, slavery etc..)

Today I am 21 years old, living away for university and I just came out to my grandfather because he asked me why I don't pray anymore. One thing followed another and now my whole family knows. I think they were expecting this as I tried attending church less and less. My mom always made me feel terrible saying "you could really go to church for your grandfather it makes him so happy".

Truth is I am sick of church. Literally. I get nauseous even just thinking about it. I hate what they do, all the money they make, all their views their support. I hate it.

My question is as Easter is coming up, I bet the whole family will attend that 'glorious' event when they all walk around the church, and they will tell me the same thing "you should make you grandfather feel good once a year, come to chuch". Does any of you have a good comeback for this emotional manipulation? I really don't even want to go near a church anymore but I can't take feeling so bad about myself anymore either... Please help me! Thank you so much in advance!

Hard row to hoe to be honest. Easiest thing to do is slap on a smile and appease the family. The right thing to do if it was me, and this is only my opinion if I was in that situation, because I went through the same type of thing, is to simply say something along these lines in your own words;

I love you all, and would never want to hurt you or grandfather's feelings, but I really dislike going to church, it makes me feel like I am being forced to attend something I do not believe in, and it exhausts me emotionally to the point that I feel ill. I do not think it is right for you to guilt trip me into doing something I really have such strong feelings against. Please love me enough to respect my wishes, as I in return would never put you into such a situation.

awkward yes, painful yes, but hopefully it gets the stone off your shoulders, and moves your intra-familial relationship into a healthier place.

Best of luck

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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17-04-2014, 06:12 PM
RE: Going to church
(17-04-2014 06:01 PM)Fruzsi93 Wrote:  I come from a fairly religious Catholic family. My parents divorced, so it's me, my mom and her parents living in a house. My grandfather (who I really love) is incredibly religious, he was raised in a likewise family. My grandmother in my opinion just followed along and is a pretty strong believer by now as well but much more understanding. My mom doesn't attend church regularly, however lately she began much more regular.

Ever since I was a little girl,I was forced into church and praying at home. To be honest I never truly believed,when I was smaller I was happy and treated it as a phantasy world, but ask grew up I became more aware and stopped liking the church and supporting their horrible views (gays, women, slavery etc..)

Today I am 21 years old, living away for university and I just came out to my grandfather because he asked me why I don't pray anymore. One thing followed another and now my whole family knows. I think they were expecting this as I tried attending church less and less. My mom always made me feel terrible saying "you could really go to church for your grandfather it makes him so happy".

Truth is I am sick of church. Literally. I get nauseous even just thinking about it. I hate what they do, all the money they make, all their views their support. I hate it.

My question is as Easter is coming up, I bet the whole family will attend that 'glorious' event when they all walk around the church, and they will tell me the same thing "you should make you grandfather feel good once a year, come to chuch". Does any of you have a good comeback for this emotional manipulation? I really don't even want to go near a church anymore but I can't take feeling so bad about myself anymore either... Please help me! Thank you so much in advance!

First of all welcome!

This forum is filled with ex-Catholics like me.

Family is always the most difficult to deal with. Perhaps you can just cut to the chase and go straight to your grandfather and tell him that because you love him very much you won't insult him by being a hypocrite.

Others here will chime in with better ideas, you came to the right place for support.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-04-2014, 06:19 PM
RE: Going to church
(17-04-2014 06:01 PM)Fruzsi93 Wrote:  I come from a fairly religious Catholic family. My parents divorced, so it's me, my mom and her parents living in a house. My grandfather (who I really love) is incredibly religious, he was raised in a likewise family. My grandmother in my opinion just followed along and is a pretty strong believer by now as well, but much more understanding. My mom doesn't attend church regularly, however lately she became much more regular about it.

Ever since I was a little girl,I was forced into church and praying at home. To be honest I never truly believed,when I was smaller I was happy and treated it as a phantasy world, but ask grew up I became more aware, and stopped liking the church and supporting their horrible views (gays, women, slavery etc..)

Today I am 21 years old, living away for university and I just came out to my grandfather because he asked me why I don't pray anymore. One thing followed another and now my whole family knows. I think they were expecting this as I tried attending church less and less. My mom always made me feel terrible saying "you could really go to church for your grandfather it makes him so happy".

Truth is, I am sick of church. Literally. I get nauseous even just thinking about it. I hate what they do, all the money they make, all their views they support, all that brainwashing. I hate it.

My question is as Easter is coming up, I bet the whole family will attend that 'glorious' event when they all walk around the church, and they will tell me the same thing "you should make you grandfather feel good once a year, come to chuch". Does any of you have a good comeback for this emotional manipulation? I really don't even want to go near a church anymore but I can't take feeling so bad about myself anymore either... Please help me! Thank you so much in advance!

I have never been in this situation as my family is not very religious per say. In my opinion you could just simply explain why you don't want to go to church. I mean you're family, i'm sure no matter what he will always love you but it's your life and you should never live a life that won't make you happy for someone else.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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17-04-2014, 06:42 PM
RE: Going to church
It's emotional blackmail and if you don't stand up to them sooner or later they will keep pulling the same shit over and over.

Your choice.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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17-04-2014, 06:54 PM
RE: Going to church
I can relate. It's not family but Evangelical Fundamentalists putting pressure on me to attend a Good Friday service. I keep declining but they keep asking. Today I told the woman that I can't believe in Jesus because he was a hippy bum, that he didn't work to support himself and told his disciples to do the same. Her response was that that made him an evangelist.
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21-04-2014, 06:31 AM
RE: Going to church
Since the day has already passed I hope it was uneventful for you no matter what you decided.

Personally it took me a long time to tell my wife I no longer wanted to go to church/mass. For a long time I would go and sit with the family, but not participate. Just reciently I stopped going all together. Easter was kind of a big deal at our house. She asked If I wanted to go to good friday service and I said no and that I was not going for easter either. I think she has finally accepted the fact I am done with church. I have not told her I am an athiest, but this is good enough for now.
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22-04-2014, 06:49 PM
RE: Going to church
(17-04-2014 06:01 PM)Fruzsi93 Wrote:  I come from a fairly religious Catholic family. My parents divorced, so it's me, my mom and her parents living in a house. My grandfather (who I really love) is incredibly religious, he was raised in a likewise family. My grandmother in my opinion just followed along and is a pretty strong believer by now as well, but much more understanding. My mom doesn't attend church regularly, however lately she became much more regular about it.

Ever since I was a little girl,I was forced into church and praying at home. To be honest I never truly believed,when I was smaller I was happy and treated it as a phantasy world, but ask grew up I became more aware, and stopped liking the church and supporting their horrible views (gays, women, slavery etc..)

Today I am 21 years old, living away for university and I just came out to my grandfather because he asked me why I don't pray anymore. One thing followed another and now my whole family knows. I think they were expecting this as I tried attending church less and less. My mom always made me feel terrible saying "you could really go to church for your grandfather it makes him so happy".

Truth is, I am sick of church. Literally. I get nauseous even just thinking about it. I hate what they do, all the money they make, all their views they support, all that brainwashing. I hate it.

My question is as Easter is coming up, I bet the whole family will attend that 'glorious' event when they all walk around the church, and they will tell me the same thing "you should make you grandfather feel good once a year, come to chuch". Does any of you have a good comeback for this emotional manipulation? I really don't even want to go near a church anymore but I can't take feeling so bad about myself anymore either... Please help me! Thank you so much in advance!

"It makes grandpa happy to emotionally manipulate me into going to a place I have strong feelings against for ethical reasons? I highly doubt that."

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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22-04-2014, 09:14 PM
RE: Going to church
(17-04-2014 06:01 PM)Fruzsi93 Wrote:  I come from a fairly religious Catholic family. My parents divorced, so it's me, my mom and her parents living in a house. My grandfather (who I really love) is incredibly religious, he was raised in a likewise family. My grandmother in my opinion just followed along and is a pretty strong believer by now as well, but much more understanding. My mom doesn't attend church regularly, however lately she became much more regular about it.

Ever since I was a little girl,I was forced into church and praying at home. To be honest I never truly believed,when I was smaller I was happy and treated it as a phantasy world, but ask grew up I became more aware, and stopped liking the church and supporting their horrible views (gays, women, slavery etc..)

Today I am 21 years old, living away for university and I just came out to my grandfather because he asked me why I don't pray anymore. One thing followed another and now my whole family knows. I think they were expecting this as I tried attending church less and less. My mom always made me feel terrible saying "you could really go to church for your grandfather it makes him so happy".

Truth is, I am sick of church. Literally. I get nauseous even just thinking about it. I hate what they do, all the money they make, all their views they support, all that brainwashing. I hate it.

My question is as Easter is coming up, I bet the whole family will attend that 'glorious' event when they all walk around the church, and they will tell me the same thing "you should make you grandfather feel good once a year, come to chuch". Does any of you have a good comeback for this emotional manipulation? I really don't even want to go near a church anymore but I can't take feeling so bad about myself anymore either... Please help me! Thank you so much in advance!

I am 17 and I became atheist last year. I am also fed up with the Catholic Church and their idiotic views, like what you named. My parents signed me up for confirmation and my whole family is coming to see me get confirmed next month, and I haven't told them I don't believe their delusion because I am scared and I don't want them mad at me. However, when i go to college and am in a situation like yours, I will want them to know I am atheist. That palm sunday mass a few weeks back seemed downright barbaric. Here are some comebacks:

I respect my grandfather, but I cannot respect the delusion.
People need to realize that atheists exist and have feelings and beliefs just as valid as everybody else.
The superficial action of me going to church means nothing because I do not believe in what they teach.
How can you support a church that spends resources persecuting gays, holding back stem cell research, excludes women, and treats "faith" as a virtue?
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23-04-2014, 02:41 AM
RE: Going to church
I was just looking up what happens in the confirmation service. You should consider a really bizarre choice of Saint name. Like Saint Olav the Thick! That could raise eyebrows Smile

Or make them work when trying to properly establish their parasitic meme into you:

Saint Abban of Magheranoidhe
Saint Zynovij Kovalyk


http://marysaggies.blogspot.de/2010/06/t...d-for.html
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