Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
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08-10-2014, 08:40 AM (This post was last modified: 08-10-2014 08:45 AM by Logisch.)
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
- If their approval doesn't matter to her, why does she care if her family accepts you? Why do you care?
- Why even bother humoring them? As Chas said, if you humor them on this, you're essentially saying, "Sure, I'm willing to give you the impression that I'll maybe waiver things. Even though I'm not really willing to, I'll give you a false impression. In doing so, I'll give you another false impression, which is that I'm not solid in my affirmations and my worldview, and that you can walk on me when you want." Then where does it end? You set the expectation from there that you're OK with them pushing BS on you, regardless if you accept it or not. You shouldn't need to be sorry for being openly atheist, you don't need to explain yourself to them and you shouldn't have to humor them to be accepted. If you do, that's their issue, not yours.
- What is your ultimate goal in doing this at all?

When I was married, I never bothered explaining myself to my mother-in-law. She didn't like me much and always tried to push her shit on me. But I told her I had no interest in it, was not in any danger of changing my mind, and did not care about her approval. I rarely ever had to talk to her, see her, etc. Life was fine without worrying about her approval. Once you begin jumping through hoops to entertain people for approval, the hoops just keep coming and coming and you've shown that you're happy to entertain and get involved in a dog and pony show.

There is no shame in being confident about your beliefs, world view, view point or otherwise. To waiver on that for "humoring" people does not demonstrate confidence nor demonstrate solidification of your affirmations. It makes you look weak. You are basically saying, "I'm an open atheist. But I'm not confident enough to stand up for myself."

If she's afraid of coming out, perhaps demonstrating that it is okay to be open about it by not waivering will give her confidence to come out and feel just as comfortable about it. I think in waivering and bending over backwards for their beliefs you may only potentially reinforce their pushy attitude and she may be even more hesitant. However, I do not know her or yourself well enough, this is just going off of what you've said thus far.

If it were me I'd say fuck it, not go, demonstrate that you are confident in your affirmations and world view and tell them if they can't accept you for who you are, then it isn't worth your time to deal with narrow minded people. Life is too short for that kind of BS.

But I'm anti-bullshit these days.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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08-10-2014, 07:01 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
In my personal opinion, the view of the family is irrelevant. Sure, it makes it easier at get-togethers, but in my relationships, the only thing that truly matters to me is my partner. Her parents can disapprove if they wish. They can even hate me with a passion. If that hurts her, I would obviously see it as an issue, but overall, her acceptance is the only thing that I truly care about.

If mommy-in-law wants me to jump through hoops for the sake of her religious bullshit, I say she can fuck off. But, that's me. Some may feel differently.

My personal advice is: don't give a shit. Gal-pal loves you; that's all that matters. You're not dating her mother.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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08-10-2014, 07:26 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
One of my dearest friends is Pentacostal. She knows I am an atheist but it hasn't stopped us from having some great discussions about religion. We appreciate and respect each other regardless of belief or non.

You will be a guest in their home and therefore some things need to be respected, like the separate bedrooms. I am a big believer in 'their house, their rules'.

Give it a shot. They may just learn that the atheist in their midst is actually a good person.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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08-10-2014, 09:22 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(08-10-2014 08:40 AM)Logisch Wrote:  If she's afraid of coming out, perhaps demonstrating that it is okay to be open about it by not waivering will give her confidence to come out and feel just as comfortable about it. I think in waivering and bending over backwards for their beliefs you may only potentially reinforce their pushy attitude and she may be even more hesitant.

At the same time, the opposite might be true. Just as Miso is doing with his sit down with the elder at his mother's request.

You're already open and honest about you're atheism. By accepting the invitation you are first and foremost showing that you are willing to endure an uncomfortable situation in order to meet her family, whether they will approve of you or not.

Also, by showing that you are not in the least bit worried about sitting down with a believer and going over the bible should actually instill confidence in her that it's okay to face these things and be open about it. Why would willingness to face a battle be a sign of weakness?

In the end, if you can show her and her family that you love her enough to respect them even if disagreeing with them, and still hold your position with grace, you've won.

And if they don't see it that way after your visit, then fuck 'em.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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08-10-2014, 09:25 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
One plus is that you have to fly to go see them. Obviously they aren't going to be around to deal with every day. What's a weekend if you really care for this lady?

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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08-10-2014, 09:40 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(08-10-2014 09:22 PM)evenheathen Wrote:  
(08-10-2014 08:40 AM)Logisch Wrote:  If she's afraid of coming out, perhaps demonstrating that it is okay to be open about it by not waivering will give her confidence to come out and feel just as comfortable about it. I think in waivering and bending over backwards for their beliefs you may only potentially reinforce their pushy attitude and she may be even more hesitant.

At the same time, the opposite might be true. Just as Miso is doing with his sit down with the elder at his mother's request.

You're already open and honest about you're atheism. By accepting the invitation you are first and foremost showing that you are willing to endure an uncomfortable situation in order to meet her family, whether they will approve of you or not.

Also, by showing that you are not in the least bit worried about sitting down with a believer and going over the bible should actually instill confidence in her that it's okay to face these things and be open about it. Why would willingness to face a battle be a sign of weakness?

In the end, if you can show her and her family that you love her enough to respect them even if disagreeing with them, and still hold your position with grace, you've won.

And if they don't see it that way after your visit, then fuck 'em.

Sure, if crazy pentecostals used logic, reason and modes of thinking that made sense, I could see that Wink

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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08-10-2014, 09:45 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(08-10-2014 09:40 PM)Logisch Wrote:  
(08-10-2014 09:22 PM)evenheathen Wrote:  At the same time, the opposite might be true. Just as Miso is doing with his sit down with the elder at his mother's request.

You're already open and honest about you're atheism. By accepting the invitation you are first and foremost showing that you are willing to endure an uncomfortable situation in order to meet her family, whether they will approve of you or not.

Also, by showing that you are not in the least bit worried about sitting down with a believer and going over the bible should actually instill confidence in her that it's okay to face these things and be open about it. Why would willingness to face a battle be a sign of weakness?

In the end, if you can show her and her family that you love her enough to respect them even if disagreeing with them, and still hold your position with grace, you've won.

And if they don't see it that way after your visit, then fuck 'em.

Sure, if crazy pentecostals used logic, reason and modes of thinking that made sense, I could see that Wink

Yeah, but I'm thinking more about her than them. She is the only reason he's going to face this silly shit in the first place. She's already shrugged off the craziness but still has to deal with family. It'd be a great comfort to know that your partner is willing to share in your burden and do so without hesitation.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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09-10-2014, 12:45 AM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(08-10-2014 09:45 PM)evenheathen Wrote:  
(08-10-2014 09:40 PM)Logisch Wrote:  Sure, if crazy pentecostals used logic, reason and modes of thinking that made sense, I could see that Wink

Yeah, but I'm thinking more about her than them. She is the only reason he's going to face this silly shit in the first place. She's already shrugged off the craziness but still has to deal with family. It'd be a great comfort to know that your partner is willing to share in your burden and do so without hesitation.

I know, I know. I'm being pessimistic and sarcastic. Your point is valid.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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09-10-2014, 03:52 AM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(08-10-2014 07:26 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am a big believer in 'their house, their rules'.

I support "their house, their rules" too.

Which is why I'd stay in a hotel.

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09-10-2014, 02:21 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(08-10-2014 09:45 PM)evenheathen Wrote:  
(08-10-2014 09:40 PM)Logisch Wrote:  Sure, if crazy pentecostals used logic, reason and modes of thinking that made sense, I could see that Wink

Yeah, but I'm thinking more about her than them. She is the only reason he's going to face this silly shit in the first place. She's already shrugged off the craziness but still has to deal with family. It'd be a great comfort to know that your partner is willing to share in your burden and do so without hesitation.

Oh trust me there was some hesitation if I'm being perfectly honest, but the way I figure it she's worth giving them a chance.

Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the sage among his books. For to you kingdoms and their armies are things mighty and enduring, but to him they are but toys of the moment, to be overturned with the flick of a finger.”

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