Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
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10-10-2014, 11:53 AM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(10-10-2014 11:42 AM)Winterwolf00 Wrote:  
(10-10-2014 08:48 AM)Chas Wrote:  Be sure you stay off. Angry

Seriously, though, I was asking because my opinion of how to handle it would not be the same for all age ranges, 18-ish vs. 23-ish, say.

We're both responsible young adults if that answers your question.

Yup, thanks.

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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10-10-2014, 03:20 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(10-10-2014 08:48 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(10-10-2014 07:21 AM)AutumnWolf000 Wrote:  I plan on sticking around. I'm not big on putting specifics on the internet, but we are both in early/mid 20s. I'm2 years older than winter. And if I've ever been on chas's lawn it was purely by accident! Lol

Be sure you stay off. Angry

Seriously, though, I was asking because my opinion of how to handle it would not be the same for all age ranges, 18-ish vs. 23-ish, say.


I promise if I'm ever anywhere near your lawn that I will simply wave politely from the road. Is that alright?
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10-10-2014, 04:39 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
Dear future MIL and FIL, I love your daughter. I want to marry her and grow old together.

I would love to have your support. I fully understand your concern for your daughter but rest assured that I take her love to heart and please know that I intend to be the best husband I can possibly be.

BUT

I'm my own person, I am who I am. I would hope that you respect my individualism. My beliefs and outlook on life are my own and I am not willing to entertain your religious beliefs as a precursor to our marriage just as I don't expect you to entertain mine. I'll respect yours and I expect the same in return.

I sincerely hope we can enjoy a genuinely warm relationship because I know this would mean the world to your daughter and to me.

With that being said I won't be meeting with your pastor when we visit.

All the best,

Autumnwolf

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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10-10-2014, 05:25 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(10-10-2014 04:39 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Dear future MIL and FIL, I love your daughter. I want to marry her and grow old together.

I would love to have your support. I fully understand your concern for your daughter but rest assured that I take her love to heart and please know that I intend to be the best husband I can possibly be.

BUT

I'm my own person, I am who I am. I would hope that you respect my individualism. My beliefs and outlook on life are my own and I am not willing to entertain your religious beliefs as a precursor to our marriage just as I don't expect you to entertain mine. I'll respect yours and I expect the same in return.

I sincerely hope we can enjoy a genuinely warm relationship because I know this would mean the world to your daughter and to me.

With that being said I won't be meeting with your pastor when we visit.

All the best,

Autumnwolf
Hmm, did they say anything about marriage? That's an incredibly awkward post if they haven't.

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10-10-2014, 06:10 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(10-10-2014 05:25 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(10-10-2014 04:39 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Dear future MIL and FIL, I love your daughter. I want to marry her and grow old together.

I would love to have your support. I fully understand your concern for your daughter but rest assured that I take her love to heart and please know that I intend to be the best husband I can possibly be.

BUT

I'm my own person, I am who I am. I would hope that you respect my individualism. My beliefs and outlook on life are my own and I am not willing to entertain your religious beliefs as a precursor to our marriage just as I don't expect you to entertain mine. I'll respect yours and I expect the same in return.

I sincerely hope we can enjoy a genuinely warm relationship because I know this would mean the world to your daughter and to me.

With that being said I won't be meeting with your pastor when we visit.

All the best,

Autumnwolf
Hmm, did they say anything about marriage? That's an incredibly awkward post if they haven't.

Easily reworded to leave out the part about marriage Dodgy

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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10-10-2014, 09:08 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
[quotbelievee='Full Circle' pid='662416' dateline='1412986228']
(10-10-2014 05:25 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Hmm, did they say anything about marriage? That's an incredibly awkward post if they haven't.

Easily reworded to leave out the part about marriage Dodgy
[/quote]

1. I believe winter would be the one writing the letter. I haven't had the issue with his parents add he may have with mine. He says that they love me

2. We've actually been talking about the possibility of marriage for a few months now. Sup not THAT awkward.

3. I like the wording of it. We will take that into serious consideration. Because it might work...
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10-10-2014, 09:21 PM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(10-10-2014 06:10 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Easily reworded to leave out the part about marriage Dodgy
Oh, I don't mean for the recipients of the letter, I mean for the couple reading it. I hate when people (including my gf) start asking or mentioning me and my gf getting married as it is a private decision and brings up unnecessary pressures.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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13-10-2014, 06:21 AM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
I'm sure that this goes without saying but you need to be the nicest, most polite and pleasant houseguest ever.

Take flowers for Autumn's mum, admire her garden/house. Help clear the table/wash the dishes. If you decide to meet the pastor don't get into an argument. You know the things to say, but after you've met him compliment him to the family - e.g "that was a really interesting discussion although we had to agree to disagree, it was nice to meet him ....you have obviously known each other for years, it's good to know that you have close friends who care for and support each other" etc.
If you have examples from your own life use them - if you have friends that you've had since primary school talk about them, talk about where you're from, your own community and how you and your family are part of that.

I don't know how many atheists Autumn's parents have met, but if they are expecting someone who's going to drag their precious daughter off to a life of debauchery and sin make sure they get the opposite. They probably are scared, and worried for their daughter so the best thing you can do is show them how polite, mature, kind and concerned with her wellbeing you are. if they are good people (and they can't be that bad because you've fallen in love with their daughter) they will like you for you and the religion thing will seem less of an issue.

Good Luck.
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13-10-2014, 06:59 AM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
My first thought was to tell you to stay the hell away from the snakes! but since that issue has been cleared up- you're good.

My husbands huge family are creationists. I have to listen to this way more often than I care to....okay, actually its just a coupke times a year, but it gets old quickly...

advice:

1. manners - always
2. bite tongue- learn how to zone out in your own head- you will need a break from the crazy when its not polite to physically leave.
3. plan outings OFTEN - without them tagging along. a trip to the corner store becomes 2 hours because you were "showing him around the area". do not announce that you will be gone a long time. Anytime there is a chance for a walk around the yard, whatever, take it. You will need time to breathe and exhale. You will need moments that you can say to your GF -- what your Dad said was complete BS. You need to take a phone call outside to call your mom/friend/ whoever. Give yourself breaks.

4. Learn the Socratic method of asking/leading questions.

5. It would be nice if GF would stand up and deflect some of the requests that they will make (go to church for bible study, wednesday, sunday, etc). you are trying to get them to like you, they will request all sorts of stuff- say the prayer at bfast, lunch and dinner everyday- You want to please and its hard to refuse because you feel like if you do- you will create tension. GF needs to come to your rescue before you have to answer. I make a point of visiting with my husbands friends or sightseeing. It becomes the reason why I cant attend whatever thing I don't want to do.

6. remeber its ok to tell the bible stufy person that you don't have the answer but that doesn't automatically put god in the gap.

7. expect to be spied on. they want to see what you do when they think you arent aware of them.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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13-10-2014, 07:08 AM
RE: Going to meet GF's Pentacostal family
(13-10-2014 06:21 AM)monkeygirl Wrote:  I'm sure that this goes without saying but you need to be the nicest, most polite and pleasant houseguest ever.

Take flowers for Autumn's mum, admire her garden/house. Help clear the table/wash the dishes. If you decide to meet the pastor don't get into an argument. You know the things to say, but after you've met him compliment him to the family - e.g "that was a really interesting discussion although we had to agree to disagree, it was nice to meet him ....you have obviously known each other for years, it's good to know that you have close friends who care for and support each other" etc.
If you have examples from your own life use them - if you have friends that you've had since primary school talk about them, talk about where you're from, your own community and how you and your family are part of that.

I don't know how many atheists Autumn's parents have met, but if they are expecting someone who's going to drag their precious daughter off to a life of debauchery and sin make sure they get the opposite. They probably are scared, and worried for their daughter so the best thing you can do is show them how polite, mature, kind and concerned with her wellbeing you are. if they are good people (and they can't be that bad because you've fallen in love with their daughter) they will like you for you and the religion thing will seem less of an issue.

Good Luck.

Doing that might require pharmaceuticals. Consider

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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