Grief and disrespect
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05-12-2017, 10:47 AM (This post was last modified: 05-12-2017 05:32 PM by Dom.)
Grief and disrespect
You know, respecting others'religious beleifs, within the right context and especially at death, is important to me. When my ex-husband's devout Catholic uncle was on his death bed, his non-practicing family didn't have the clarity to ask for a priest, but I did. He would not have gotten last rites had it not been for the Atheist in the family.

My father was not only Lutheran, but when he proposed to my mother, her condition of marriage was that their children be raised Roman Catholic and he agreed. They were married by a priest but, because he wasn't Catholic, he couldn't sully the altar, the small ceremony was performed in the Preist House. He never discussed religion in our home and only attended his church, alone, on Easter. Even that stopped decades ago. We attended Catholic school and were not pious at home, necessarily. As I became an adult and he respected my lack of belief, I realized I knew nothing about his faith and marveled at his restraint to keep a promise, he respected her wishes without fail, he respected us all.

So, after our mother's death, I returned from a recent move to Florida to care for Dad and keep him at home for as long as possible. He suffered dementia and multiple medical conditions and ended up in a number of facilities from early summer until his death on Thanksgiving. When he entered Hospice, I specifically asked what we were doing for a funeral service and was told we'd have a Military Chaplain and my sister would have her priest do a blessing. I objected to the priest and she told me that the service is for the living and they're all catholic!

When we went to the funeral home to finalize the arrangements, it was a priest only! Again, I objected and one sister got up and stormed out of the room, the other made an ignorant comment about my lack of faith. I told her it had nothing to do with me and everything to to with respect for our father. I lost. They had a full blown Catholic service for my father who wasn't good enough to stand on an altar when he married our mother. He had respect, yet they showed none for him. I am beyond disgusted. Fucking hypocrites.
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05-12-2017, 11:10 AM
RE: Greif and disrespect
My brother-in-law commandeered my mother-in-law's funeral a few years back to give a platform to his preferred preacher. I found that quite disturbing, since she was a Christian but not that in-your-face kind.

The moral of the story is, get everything in writing before you need it.
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05-12-2017, 11:11 AM
RE: Greif and disrespect
G'day mate, and welcome to the forums. Smile

PS: This is actually an introductions forum, rather than a discussion forum. You might like to start a new thread where we can better debate your religious/non-religious funeral concerns etc. Thumbsup

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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05-12-2017, 11:46 AM
RE: Greif and disrespect
Welcome!

(05-12-2017 10:47 AM)The Sparrow Wrote:  My father was not only Lutheran, but when he proposed to my mother, her condition of marriage was that their children be raised Roman Catholic and he agreed.

My wife is Christian. I was, also, when we got married. Still, I stopped believing around the time we had our first kid, and they're both being raised nominally Christian (although the older girl has a lot of tough questions Big Grin ). That being said, my wife is a pretty liberal Christian, so most of this doesn't bother me too much.

I never thought to write up how I'd want my funeral to be. I suppose I won't much care, but it would suck if planning it caused problems for my family.
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05-12-2017, 12:02 PM
RE: Greif and disrespect
Hi and welcome, sorry you had a tough time of it. Grief is a funny thing and affects people in different ways. This is the introduction section which means there are rules regarding posting here which may severely limit the usefulness of any replies to your post. If you want a proper discussion its probably worth posting on this subject in another section.
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05-12-2017, 12:05 PM
RE: Greif and disrespect
(05-12-2017 11:11 AM)SYZ Wrote:  G'day mate, and welcome to the forums. Smile

PS: This is actually an introductions forum, rather than a discussion forum. You might like to start a new thread where we can better debate your religious/non-religious funeral concerns etc. Thumbsup
I'm sorry, I will start another thread. Newbies can be real pains in the ass, can't we
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05-12-2017, 12:08 PM
RE: Greif and disrespect
(05-12-2017 12:05 PM)The Sparrow Wrote:  
(05-12-2017 11:11 AM)SYZ Wrote:  G'day mate, and welcome to the forums. Smile

PS: This is actually an introductions forum, rather than a discussion forum. You might like to start a new thread where we can better debate your religious/non-religious funeral concerns etc. Thumbsup
I'm sorry, I will start another thread. Newbies can be real pains in the ass, can't we

We were all newbies here once sounds to me like you'll do just fine here. Smile
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05-12-2017, 12:08 PM
RE: Greif and disrespect
(05-12-2017 12:05 PM)The Sparrow Wrote:  I'm sorry, I will start another thread. Newbies can be real pains in the ass, can't we

I think we can still discuss stuff in the introduction section... as long as we all agree with each other Big Grin

Welcome to TTA and sorry for your loss. Losses.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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05-12-2017, 12:10 PM
RE: Greif and disrespect
Well, let me start again. I'm a newbied, a middle-aged, lifelong Atheist in transition from PA to FL, stuck in Catholic limbo.
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05-12-2017, 12:17 PM
RE: Greif and disrespect
Can this be moved to a proper category or deleted by a moderator? I'll be happy to start again and I apologize. New phone and new site.
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