Groan Worthy Jokes
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 1 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
28-10-2014, 08:35 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Hey, I am a Chinese man, speaking Chinese, making Chinese boxes with Chinese puzzles, if you understand what I am trying to say. Maybe I should teach you guys how to speack Chinese.

You should at least have enjoyed the Einstein joke, shouldn't you ? OK. I am going to share it with Girly to see whether it was a total disaster or not.

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes HU.Junyuan's post
28-10-2014, 08:37 PM (This post was last modified: 28-10-2014 08:59 PM by Smercury44.)
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(27-10-2014 09:30 PM)HU.Junyuan Wrote:  My ex-girlfriend invited me to her wedding and I was told to sit at a round table with several total strangers.

"what is your relation to the bride ?" One of them asked.

"Oh, nothing special. I just came to pay tribute to where I stood and fell."

"Salute to you. We are all brother-in-arms." They said.

-----

Not very sure whether my translation was able to convey the humor ...

This one was my favorite of yours Big Grin

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
28-10-2014, 09:08 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
When I was a child, I watched a lot of horror movies. So every time when I walk home alone at night, I was always afraid of that some bad guy might be stalking me, and I would suddenly turn my head back every a few steps. After ten years ...

... I am a professional tango dancer now.

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like HU.Junyuan's post
28-10-2014, 09:15 PM (This post was last modified: 28-10-2014 09:24 PM by HU.Junyuan.)
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Chinese wifes have an impulse to transform their husbands. Not only do they want to transform their husbands, they also want to occupy all their husbands' time. And that is why there never was and never will be a Chinese Columbus. Just imagine, on the day of departure, a Chinese wife most definitely will say, "Where are you going ? With whom ? Is there any female onboard ? How old is she ? What does she look like ? Is she prettier than me ? How do you know her ? Why do you choose her over me ? What's wrong with you ?! "

"OK ! OK, I'm not going away. I'm not going."

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes HU.Junyuan's post
28-10-2014, 09:37 PM (This post was last modified: 29-10-2014 12:09 AM by HU.Junyuan.)
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
The English word of "ring" is a two-character word "戒指" in Chinese. If I translate the Chinese word character by character back into English, it means something similar to "ring" but not exactly the same as it is comprehended as a whole. It may sound very nasty, so it is totally viewer's discretion to decide whether you want to know it or not.

First character, "戒" , means "drop".
Second character, “指”, means "finger".
And it makes sense: when you are married and put a ring on, please don't use your fingers any more like in the old days. Just drop it please, because you are married now.

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes HU.Junyuan's post
29-10-2014, 01:15 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
A: I only have two personal traits. First, I am humorous ...
B: Oh, come on ! You have a dead person's poker face !
A: Second, I like to chop things with a machete when I am not happy.
B: ... ... That's truly humorous indeed.

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes HU.Junyuan's post
29-10-2014, 01:25 AM (This post was last modified: 29-10-2014 01:28 AM by HU.Junyuan.)
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
I have a very frugal buddy. He got himself a "new" cell couple of months ago, which turns out to be a stone age Nokia. Yes, that's how frugal he actually is.

So when he told me the other day that he was getting himself an iPhone 6 Plus, I just couldn't believe my eyes. Therefore I said, "100 bucks on it that you won't actually get one iPhone 6." "Let's see" was his reply. And a few days later, I lost 100 bucks to him.

"How were you able to make up your mind to buy an iPhone 6 Plus, " I asked one day, "It's pretty expensive, you know."

"What's the matter about being a little expensive, " he said, "after all, I had you guys, hadn't I ?"

Want something? Then do something.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
29-10-2014, 02:01 AM (This post was last modified: 29-10-2014 02:10 AM by kingschosen.)
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
I found my list of no arms/no legs jokes that I started in high school:

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs:

1) hanging on the wall? Art
2) in a swimming pool? Wade
3) in the ocean? Bob
4) on your doorstep? Matt
5) on a hill? Roland
6) in a bush? Bud
7) buried up to his neck? Spike
8) on the battle field? Warren
9) in your mailbox? Bill
10) and no feet? Neil
11) and no head or torso? Dick
12) on a gravel road? Rocky
13) left in the sun? Wilt
14) in a hot tub? Stu
15) on a grill? Frank
16) taking a crap? John
17) holding up your car? Jack
18) under your car? Axel
19) in an oil field? Derek
20) holding papers? Brad
21) in the dirt? Dusty
22) water skiing? Skip
23) in P.E.? Jim
24) on a high peak? Cliff
25) playing tag? Chase
26) splattered on a wall? Mark
27) shaving? Nick
28) eating salsa? Chip
29) stuffed in a coffee mug? Joe
30) getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer
31) being stuffed in a hole? Phil
32) at a rodeo? Buck
33) in your fireplace? Bernie
34) being eaten by a lion? Claude
35) being pushed around in a pool? Duncan
36) in a bathtub? Dwayne
37) who is breaking news? Justin
38) under a microscope? Gene
39) on a stage? Mike
40) who is a millionaire? Rich
41) in a pile of leaves? Russell
42) at Victoria's Secret? Teddy
43) who shows up when someone dies? Will
44) being used as a slimjim on a locked car? Jimmy
45) being held by a knight? Lance
46) who is buried deep in the ground? Clay
47) in a farm loft? Barney
48) at the post office? Mel
49) who is pretty average? Norm
50) being used as fertilizer? Pete
51) in a valley? Glenn
52) who got left outside all night? Dewey
53) throwing up? Chuck
54) who stole your wallet? Rob
55) covered in appetizers? Trey
56) with no head and no pelvis? Chester
57) working at a funeral home? Mort
58) working as a miner? Cole
59) stuck behind bars? Cage
60) hanging from a tree? Leif
61) in an outhouse? Lou
62) in debt? Owen
63) who jokes all the time? Josh
64) in a crow's nest? Seymour
65) who is not afraid? Darren
66) bein attacked by bees? Buzz
67) offering little kids candy in an alley? Van
68) on the spice rack? Herb
69) in the morning? Don
70) who has reached his potential? Max
71) on a poker table? Dillon

Now, two men ( or two women or a man and a woman):

1) hanging in a window? Curt and Rod
2) in a cemetery? Doug and Berry
3) in a jewelry store? Jules and Ruby

Now, a woman:

1) between two buildings? Allie
2) making hamburgers? Patty
3) hanging from a chandelier? Crystal
4) in the desert? Sandy
5) in a hurricane? Wendy
6) in the morning? Dawn
7) at the end of the day? Eve
8) in a frying pan? Pam
9) in a hole? Peg
10) in a tornado? Gail
11) on a fence? Barb
12) in a stream? Brooke
13) wrapped up? Candy
14) in a bag? Carrie
15) in a river? Flo
16) on the highway? Lane
17) who is nearly worthless? Penny
18) who is your sibling's daughter? Denise
19) using a sniper rifle? Amy
20) at a wedding? Mary
21) who is a lawyer? Sue
22) who can't figure things out? Wanda
23) at Jurassic Park? Amber
24) with freckles? Dotty
25) singing door to door at Christmas? Carol
26) under a trapeze? Annette
27) at the beach? Shelly
28) on a book? Paige
29) who screams all the time? Blaire
30) against a wall? Lena
31) in a fireplace? Ash
32) being held by a toddler? Dolly
33) in a steeple? Belle
34) at the casino? Betty

Now, multiples:

1) in a flowerbed? Lily, Violet, Rose, Daisy, Iris, Ivy
2) on a calendar? January, March, April, May, June, Septembre

I know there are more, so I'll add later if I think of any.

[Image: dog-shaking.gif]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like kingschosen's post
29-10-2014, 09:02 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: 6ae8bb4b1fe02e4e4b7cef7b17213a.jpg]

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Revenant77x's post
29-10-2014, 04:03 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: algae-bra.jpg]

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like TheGulegon's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: