Groan Worthy Jokes
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09-08-2015, 07:33 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
What do you call a group of Catholic rodents?


Nunchucks!


I'll show myself out.

[Image: spore_creature___placerias_png_by_tote_m...7onlgm.png]" Placerias tastes amazing. " --- Me
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12-08-2015, 09:00 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Where do you find fish in the alphabet?


Under the C

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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12-08-2015, 09:11 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Boudreau (boo-droe) is driving across the bridge into Texas. Parked across the bridge from him is a Texas State Trooper, watching for speeders entering his state. Boudreau isn't speeding in his ol' pickup truck, he's just tooling right along, until he's halfway across and a car starts coming from the other direction.

Suddenly, Boudreau locks up his brakes, cuts a hasty U-turn, and flies back to the Louisiana side, where he pulls over to the side of the road, then he waits for the car to go past him, gets back on the bridge, and starts putting along toward Texas.

He's barely on the bridge, this time, when another car starts coming, and he screeches to a halt, pulls a U-turn, and rushes back to the Louisiana side.

On the third attempt, he's almost across when another car starts coming, and Boudreau locks up his brakes again. The Trooper flips on his lights and drives onto the bridge to stop him. Trooper asks, "Sir, why are you driving like that?"

Boudreau, incredulously, points to a nearby traffic sign and says, "Officer, cain't you see dat sign? 'No Passing Cars on Bridge'!"

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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13-08-2015, 03:04 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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16-08-2015, 08:16 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Pasteurize adjective

1. Too far to see

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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16-08-2015, 08:17 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
A clown held the door open for me today. I thought it was a nice jester.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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17-08-2015, 10:45 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(16-08-2015 08:16 PM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  Pasteurize adjective

1. Too far to see

This reminds me....

Queen Cleopatra ordered her slave to fill a bath with milk to help keep her beauty.
The slave asked "Do you want it pasteurised?"

Cleo replied.
"No, up to my tits will do."

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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18-08-2015, 07:26 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
What was Forrest Gump's computer password?

1Forrest1

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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20-08-2015, 03:19 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: FB_IMG_1440105481029_zpsho2ssyjb.jpg]
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20-08-2015, 05:57 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to discover a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked: "Do you have water"? The Jewish man replied: "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5".

The Taliban shouted hysterically: "Idiot infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water”! Again, the old man: "Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only $5".

"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but . . . I must conserve my energy and find water”!

"Okay," said the old Jewish man. It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace".

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped: "They won't let me in without a tie”!

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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