Groan Worthy Jokes
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 1 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-08-2015, 06:16 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(20-08-2015 05:57 PM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to discover a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked: "Do you have water"? The Jewish man replied: "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5".

The Taliban shouted hysterically: "Idiot infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water”! Again, the old man: "Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only $5".

"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but . . . I must conserve my energy and find water”!

"Okay," said the old Jewish man. It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace".

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped: "They won't let me in without a tie”!

....sure, $10 now. Big Grin
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like pablo's post
25-08-2015, 08:06 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: GAw83GJ.jpg]

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 8 users Like Smercury44's post
27-08-2015, 02:01 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other and zucchini up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what is wrong.
The doctor tells him "Well for one thing, you're not eating right..."

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Can_of_Beans's post
27-08-2015, 11:53 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(27-08-2015 02:01 PM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other and zucchini up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what is wrong.
The doctor tells him "Well for one thing, you're not eating right..."

Does he also have a drinking problem?

[Image: th?id=JN.v%2f08rxNXQvStaFsBIYz3ew&am...;amp;h=300]

(I love that movie!)

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like RocketSurgeon76's post
30-08-2015, 12:28 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Several years ago they asked Arnold Schwarzenegger if he was going to upgrade to Windows 7, and he said "I still love Vista, baby."

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 7 users Like Can_of_Beans's post
01-09-2015, 11:13 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
How do Mexicans cut their pizza?

With Little Caesars.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Can_of_Beans's post
02-09-2015, 04:42 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: FB_IMG_1441233600352_zpsyqrlcfmu.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like pablo's post
02-09-2015, 04:59 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(02-09-2015 04:42 PM)pablo Wrote:  [Image: FB_IMG_1441233600352_zpsyqrlcfmu.jpg]

I think this is more of a moan worthy joke, actually.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like itsnotmeitsyou's post
03-09-2015, 11:10 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(03-09-2015 11:03 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(03-09-2015 10:47 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  Hi Dave. My name's John and I'm in denial.

Hope you're a good swimmer John...

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes itsnotmeitsyou's post
04-09-2015, 01:32 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
What has 100 legs and burrows into ears?



A centipede in a corn field.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like stevec's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: