Groan Worthy Jokes
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14-12-2015, 11:33 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Having moved to Dublin with his family eight-year-old Muhammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?", asked the teacher.
"Muhammad," he replied.
“You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher. "So from now on You will be known as Mick."
Muhammad returned home after school.......

"How was your day, Muhammad?", his mother asked.
"My name is not Muhammad........ I'm in Ireland , And now my name is Mick."
"Are you ashamed of your name?
Are you trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Muhammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
"What happened to you, Mick?", she asked.

"Well, shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two f****** Muslims."

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike
Excreta Tauri Sapientam Fulgeat (The excrement of the bull causes wisdom to flee)
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14-12-2015, 11:53 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
True story, my mom just today gave me a store packaged small slice of corporate pound cake. I am fucking suing their asses for false advertisement, that didn't weigh a pound.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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14-12-2015, 11:59 AM (This post was last modified: 14-12-2015 12:07 PM by Brian37.)
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Another true story. I took lifeguard classes at a community swimming pool, not the really dangerous beach stuff, but pool safety training. Anywho, I was a bit miffed at their objection to me putting a tourniquet around the practice dummy's neck, they said "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I responded, "Hey, he got a cut on his forehead, I was simply trying to stop the bleeding".

I really did take pool lifeguard training, no I didn't literally pull that joke. I simply like that joke as a bit of irony, come on, if it works to stop the bleeding for the other extremities? That was a long time ago. I was a teen I am 49 now.

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15-12-2015, 03:02 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
I went into a cake shop that I had not been in before. Above the counter was a sign saying "Cakes £1 each" so I asked the owner if that meant all the cakes were that cheap. The owner replied "All my cakes are £1 except one." I asked "Why is one cake more money than the rest?" He replied....................."That's madeira cake."

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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15-12-2015, 10:00 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
I've found a bunch of punsters! Where is the emoticon doing the fist pump, and saying, "Yes". Here is one of my favorites, from a LONNNG time ago-

Sex Life of an Electron.

One night when his charge was pretty high, Mirco-Farad decided to seek
out a cute little coil to help him discharge.

He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle. They
rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a Magnetic field with
flowing currents and frolicked in the sine waves.

Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's characteristic curves, soon had
her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to a minumum.
He gently laid her at ground potential, raised her frequency, and
lowered her reluctance.

With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it
in her socket, connecting them in parallel. He slowly began short
circuiting her resistance shunt while quickly raising her thermal
conductance level to mill-spec. Fully excited, Milli-Amp mumbled
"OHM...OHM...OHM!"

With his tube operating well into class C, and her field vibrating
with his current flow, a corona formed which instantly caused her
shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad rapidly
discharged and drained off every electron into her grid.

They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets until his
magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field strength.

Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her solenoid.
With his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to
excite his field. Not ready to be quiescent, they spent the rest of
the evening reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

Might be too take-a-nickel.
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18-12-2015, 08:05 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
My new favorite weather forecaster!





But just for the moment. No one can take Sonny Eliot's place long term. He's the king of bad pun weather forecasting. Thumbsup

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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19-12-2015, 12:10 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: 12107732_10153699470680552_6433029844940599275_n.jpg]
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21-12-2015, 08:53 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(19-12-2015 12:10 PM)pablo Wrote:  [Image: 12107732_10153699470680552_6433029844940599275_n.jpg]

Sadcryface2 The only emoji close to a groan, here.
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26-12-2015, 12:39 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: 1417284592faiWheredidmyVanGogh.jpg]

I was debating between this thread and "favorite pictures to laugh at everything else" thread and realized there is only one place to share a pun this bad...picture or not. Tongue

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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26-12-2015, 02:57 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Ok so this cat got a few traffic tickets, goes to court and the judge upholds the fines. So he walks out of the courtroom into the front lobby with several windows but doesn't know where to go. So he asks the security guard "Where do I pay my fine?"

Security guard responds and points "You need to go to the fee line."

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