Groan Worthy Jokes
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12-01-2016, 07:24 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(31-12-2015 11:18 AM)Brian37 Wrote:  I don't understand why they call them "fire escape". Why would you want the fire to escape? Isn't the entire idea to contain and put out the fire?

Hey! Angry I want out too! Tongue
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21-01-2016, 08:45 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
[Image: eric160121.jpg]
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24-01-2016, 04:59 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? a pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven.
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24-01-2016, 05:41 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
what do you call a fish with no eyes? a fssshhh!
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26-01-2016, 11:32 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
A patient escapes from a lunatic asylum and hides overnight in a laundry. In the morning the workers arrive and he rapes one of them and then runs away.
The next morning the headline on the front page of the paper reads.

NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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30-01-2016, 12:11 AM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
(26-01-2016 11:32 AM)stevec Wrote:  A patient escapes from a lunatic asylum and hides overnight in a laundry. In the morning the workers arrive and he rapes one of them and then runs away.
The next morning the headline on the front page of the paper reads.

NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS.

That reminds me of the joke about the psychic pygmy who escaped from prison, prompting the headline:

SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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30-01-2016, 02:40 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.

Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.

Dave: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dave: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Dave: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?

Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dave: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Dave: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.

Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Stuart: - What's that then?

Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Stuart: - Nope.

Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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23-02-2016, 03:22 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
Why shouldn't you ever date a tennis player?


Because to them love means nothing.

What do you mean Life is short. It's the longest thing you're going to do.
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29-02-2016, 01:10 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
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29-02-2016, 03:11 PM
RE: Groan Worthy Jokes
What did the snail say when he rode on the turtle's back? "Wheee..."
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