Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
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10-02-2015, 12:21 PM (This post was last modified: 10-02-2015 12:29 PM by kim.)
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
(09-02-2015 08:52 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  The much older thing is interesting to me. That's usually how it is with profs and students. I don't get why a young woman that age is interested in someone 20+ years older? Maybe it's the position.

Well, I can only speak for myself but "position" really has/had nothing to do with whom I might be attracted to. I think the whole being with an "older" person, allows a certain freedom for the younger person to explore boundaries. Interacting with someone who seems secure and confident can help develop one's own similar secure self.

(09-02-2015 08:52 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  I'm a prof. Sometimes I'm shocked by what are very clear opportunities. It's too dangerous a game, but honestly incredibly difficult to resist. I tell myself I'm imagining. Big part of why I'm so damn horny all the time.

Hmm... you are wise to be extremely cautious. Some people test boundaries with complete disregard of others. You don't need to become some young thing's science experiment or art project. You might be wise to actively hone the art of "the clear brush off". Clearly defined positions with established "off limits" boundaries, are no less appreciated ... when people explore (especially the young), half the time they have no idea what they might be doing. Again, any "potential" situation could be completely innocent or a possible set up... best to err on the side of "take no risk".

(09-02-2015 08:52 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  But I'm also a feminist who feels strongly about women's rights and not objectifying them. I'm vocal about it, and a leader on the issue in my sphere. I have loads of guilt, feeling like a hypocrite. Maybe that's why I feel so strongly about sexual freedom, to ease the guilt. Maybe the feminism is compensation. It sucks. I'm afraid I will fail and lose everything. It's biology damn't! When young I wanted older women, now the opposite.

If society didn't judge it, and we were truly equal, we could just love each other freely, and there wouldn't need to be all this concern about objectification. It's very complicated for me. God I love women. Kill me now.

I concur and unfortunately it is complicated for both men and women. So much stems from the acceptance of objectification. Acceptance often develops psychological grooming processes for both parties involved; the objectifier accepts being the one who objectifies and continues to act accordingly, while the objectified accepts being the object... often regardless of reluctance or discomfort. This established patterns can develop extremely subtly and gradually, but it can become a distinct psychological straightjacket very tough to escape or even modify.

An acquaintance recently advised me that he "knew" from the "feeling he got" from a few specific women in a meditation class he used to go to, which women he would have been able to fuck. I asked him how he "got" this feeling. He said he would go up to them and start massaging their necks or shoulders and he could "feel them just start melting..." blah, blah, blah.
Seriously? I have known this person for several years and know him to be very misogynistic, among other things I won't address. All I could think when he told me this was ... what a fucking predator!
(I'm nauseous just recalling this conversation)
***

Until truly respectful, acceptance of sexual freedom for all becomes behaviorally ingrained into the psychology of a society, clear boundaries can help keep everyone safe and free to explore. The "sexual revolution" of the 60s only just cracked opened the book ... while many of us are still just figuring out how to read. As a society, I think we may currently be in a favorable transitional period, moving toward the acceptance of sexual freedoms... at least I hope so. I'm certain the world would be a lot less tense. Shy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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10-02-2015, 05:27 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
(09-02-2015 08:52 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  I'm a prof. Sometimes I'm shocked by what are very clear opportunities. It's too dangerous a game, but honestly incredibly difficult to resist. I tell myself I'm imagining. Big part of why I'm so damn horny all the time.

Settle down there, Skippy. You're a teacher not a lecher. Unless you teach lechery in which case you're DLJ.

#sigh
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10-02-2015, 10:32 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
Kim, that's an incredibly intelligent post. You're right, way too risky. I have girls of my own, which raises the guilt exponentially. I really care about these young women. Want to see them successful and happy.

I'm convinced it's often their insecurity that causes them to seek attention from someone off limits. Which is very sad to my emotional/intellectual brain, while my testosterone is only focused on the physical. Re your friend, I'm very careful to avoid any physical contact.
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10-02-2015, 10:40 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
(10-02-2015 05:27 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  [quote='freetoreason' pid='733495' dateline='1423536750']
Settle down there, Skippy. You're a teacher not a lecher. Unless you teach lechery in which case you're DLJ.

Been doing it a long time and haven't partaken yet. But if I did with someone not in class, and we are both consenting adults, who are you to judge? That's the whole point. Is an older successful man not free to have sex with a younger unestablished woman? Why must I feel guilty about the desire that comes naturally? It's another taboo we have to get past.

Until you've walked in someone's shoes...
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11-02-2015, 10:08 AM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
Professor Sex is a strange name.
And how do you ban someone with undergrads?
Get them to stand in front of the door I guess..
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11-02-2015, 12:05 PM (This post was last modified: 11-02-2015 12:27 PM by DLJ.)
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
Knowing what I know about administrators, the Harvard administration would not normally have passed this "ban" unless there is a story or stories behind it that they feel would compromise the university's reputation or standing.

I can certainly imagine many scenarios in which two consenting adults could do things that a university administration would consider potentially reckless. For example, there could be audio or video of the affair.

I can just hear it "live at 6:00, video of well know professor having sex with a student is going viral..." My guess is that the story behind this ban is provably more sordid than we can imagine. I have never and would never have relations with a student (even if I wasn't in a loving committed relationship), there are just too many ways in which this could turn out wrong.
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11-02-2015, 12:17 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
(10-02-2015 05:27 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  ...
Unless you teach lechery in which case you're DLJ.

Oi!

I'm right here, y'know.

It was a simple misunderstanding with the application form. The job description was read to me over the phone...

Now I'm a lecturer.

Blush

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11-02-2015, 02:21 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
Well, then what's the point in becoming a professor? Facepalm
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11-02-2015, 06:44 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
(11-02-2015 02:21 PM)Rik Wrote:  Well, then what's the point in becoming a professor? Facepalm

Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I love teaching students and doing research. There is something very gratifying in seeing students come into their own, achieve their goals, and grow intellectually. On the research front, I love working on my own ideas and seeing them come to fruition. I also love it when students run with my ideas and take them in new directions. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but it is not necessary to have a very fulfilling experience as a professor
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11-02-2015, 06:48 PM
RE: Harvard bans professor sex with undergrads
(10-02-2015 10:40 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  Been doing it a long time and haven't partaken yet. But if I did with someone not in class, and we are both consenting adults, who are you to judge?

I watch a lot of porn. Points are awarded for creativity, stamina, flexibility, complexity, and multiples.

#sigh
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