Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
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21-05-2017, 09:00 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
For meetups: i remember when I first moved to this city I was looking for local meet ups too. And it was a weekly thing in a pub. The first time I went there, I was just trying to find the group (big pub, lots of people) and when they saw me looking, they were friendly and waved and started talking to me on their own. So that was easier than expected because I am like that too. I cannot easily start in a new group of people.

For just going out randomly: Again I would recommend a pub because you ill have those lightly buzzed people who like to talk. So just go on a night where they show a game on the screen or whatever. Sit down at the bar and wait until someone talks to you. If not, just enjoy your pint and try again next time.

Another thing that I had to learn because I am a disaster in social situations, is the art of small talk (and yes small talk is hard) and the art of approaching a group that is friendly.
Small talk topics:
- Wow that game yesterday, did you see it?
- When will it ever stop raining?
- Oh no, this pub is so hot. I wish they had a air conditioning.
- Can you recommend me a drink? I usually drink x but I want to try something new.
- Look at those girls over there. You know them? Are they nice?
- So what about those bingo nights they do here in the pub? Any good?
- I saw a pub just like this over in Dublin. Very nice and familiar feeling here. Ever been to Dublin?
....
Just random shit that sounds friendly really. Usually works at least in a pub setting with a lightly buzzed person/group there.

And approaching a group in a pub: See a group that seems to be friendly (laughter, smiles, drinks, conversation, etc). Just approach and while sitting down with them, "hey any space for a stranger here?" smile and sit down and start being part of the situation. But yea only if the group seems friendly. If they are weird about it, maybe don't lol.

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21-05-2017, 09:57 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
I used to get out a lot.

Then they changed from rope to chains.

Assholes. Sadcryface2
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21-05-2017, 10:01 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
(21-05-2017 03:45 AM)Sturm Wrote:  Ok, then the city where I live is much bigger than the small towns where you grew up, so I'm probably making a bigger deal out of it. I follow the same rules as you, the first, I already apply in everyday life, and the second, well, I don't want to be the guy who whines about his failed marriage (don't want to look like Steve Carell in Crazy, Stupid, Love), and you don't make friends by complaining all the time (something I seem to do a lot on this forum, sorry for that !).

It's sometimes difficult NOT to talk about it when you have a sympathetic ear, but in my (many more than I want to admit) experiences, it can lead to ugly rebounds and dysfunctional friendships. Shared interests are a better foundation than shared sorrows; it takes all kinds to make a world though. Don't sweat talking about it, but try not to make it a "focus" if possible.

(21-05-2017 03:45 AM)Sturm Wrote:  
(20-05-2017 06:31 PM)Grauwyler Wrote:  Pets are awesome therapy if you have the ability to have them.

I definitely know what you mean since I have had a dog for the last 8 years. In my situation, it's not really possible, first because I live in a small apartment, and second, because my last experience with my dog didn't go very well. I adopted a 5 years all dog from a shelter in 2009, he was rather aggressive with other dogs, sometimes even with people, which is one of the reason we moved from the city to the countryside. He couldn't be left alone, otherwise he barked all the time and destroyed things. My wife and I stopped going on vacations (almost no vacation for the last 8 years), and stopped any social activities, which gave us basically nothing to look forward to. Now he lives with my wife since she kept the house, I still take him home often when my wife is out (he has been here during the day for the last 4 days), I love my dog, I like having him at home, but to be honest, on full time basis, I feel more free without him, I can leave the place and not fear any damage when I'm back, or not fear that the neighbors will get mad because he barked 4 hours in a row.

I have similar issues with my little guy on a lesser scale ...he's not aggressive at all, but has pretty bad separation anxiety and barks when I leave him alone (at least he isn't destructive); there's not much I do on a social scale that he doesn't figure into my decision-making. I'm fortunate to have really great neighbors in that regard, and I bring him along when we have get-togethers. I guess it's a give and take ...his company more than makes up for any limitations in my case, but then I'm also pretty limited in what I'm willing or able to do socially due to disability. If I still worked, I might feel differently (but I doubt it).

Some great suggestions/advice for you here! I go to a semi-local meetup group once a month and always have fun ...great way to meet people, but I already have a fairly close circle of friends in my neighborhood and haven't branched out as much as I could and perhaps should.

Life is a work in progress for all of us! Smile
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21-05-2017, 10:40 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
(21-05-2017 09:00 AM)Leerob Wrote:  For meetups: i remember when I first moved to this city I was looking for local meet ups too. And it was a weekly thing in a pub. The first time I went there, I was just trying to find the group (big pub, lots of people) and when they saw me looking, they were friendly and waved and started talking to me on their own. So that was easier than expected because I am like that too. I cannot easily start in a new group of people.

For just going out randomly: Again I would recommend a pub because you ill have those lightly buzzed people who like to talk. So just go on a night where they show a game on the screen or whatever. Sit down at the bar and wait until someone talks to you. If not, just enjoy your pint and try again next time.

Another thing that I had to learn because I am a disaster in social situations, is the art of small talk (and yes small talk is hard) and the art of approaching a group that is friendly.
Small talk topics:
- Wow that game yesterday, did you see it?
- When will it ever stop raining?
- Oh no, this pub is so hot. I wish they had a air conditioning.
- Can you recommend me a drink? I usually drink x but I want to try something new.
- Look at those girls over there. You know them? Are they nice?
- So what about those bingo nights they do here in the pub? Any good?
- I saw a pub just like this over in Dublin. Very nice and familiar feeling here. Ever been to Dublin?
....
Just random shit that sounds friendly really. Usually works at least in a pub setting with a lightly buzzed person/group there.

And approaching a group in a pub: See a group that seems to be friendly (laughter, smiles, drinks, conversation, etc). Just approach and while sitting down with them, "hey any space for a stranger here?" smile and sit down and start being part of the situation. But yea only if the group seems friendly. If they are weird about it, maybe don't lol.

I think this is good advice Thumbsup

For me, I don't have a problem with small talk or meeting people and in my experience, people usually approach me first to talk, which I'm sure takes some of the pressure off (of me). But I'm generally a smiley person and I make eye contact-which I think that has a lot to do with it. People (I think) assume I'm outgoing and friendly and am open to a convo.

For small talk, I think just being respectful of someone's space and observant. If someone has an interesting book they have with them, ask about that. If someone has on a Sport's top, mention something about the sport. And so on. This is usually how my convos with strangers start in a social setting.

I find most people want to talk about their interests and hobbies. And if you come off as open and friendly, most people will open up to you quite fast. I find that if you are a happy, confident person, most people will naturally be drawn to you.
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21-05-2017, 10:45 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
JB from your pic in the selfie thread it's pretty obvious why you don't have trouble meeting people.
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21-05-2017, 11:18 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
(21-05-2017 10:45 AM)ImFred Wrote:  JB from your pic in the selfie thread it's pretty obvious why you don't have trouble meeting people.

Aw thank you Blush
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21-05-2017, 01:14 PM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
Thank you very much for all the messages and advice, it makes me feel a bit more confident about trying it. Next week I'll walk to a local pub with a resolute pace, and this time, I'll make it trough the front door !

(21-05-2017 08:53 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think the thread might be in the Intro area, at least that's where I'm pretty sure I remember it being before.

Thank you ! Is it this one ? http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...s?page=100

As the last message in it was posted 6 months ago, I'm not sure that it is still active.

(21-05-2017 05:50 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  Meetup.com

Thanks ! I joined Meetup.com a few weeks ago, I joined almost every group I could join : Gamers, RPG, surfers, IT, Skeptics, expats. I like the website and it's so far my best option to meet people, but most of the meetups are in Amsterdam which makes things difficult for me , I live 40 min from Amsterdam, but take into account the time I need to park the car (very tricky in Amsterdam , there's a reason why everybody bikes instead) and the traffic jam in the evening, it can easily be 2h, so it's not very possible on a working day, even in the evening.

(21-05-2017 09:00 AM)Leerob Wrote:  For meetups: i remember when I first moved to this city I was looking for local meet ups too. And it was a weekly thing in a pub. The first time I went there, I was just trying to find the group (big pub, lots of people) and when they saw me looking, they were friendly and waved and started talking to me on their own. So that was easier than expected because I am like that too. I cannot easily start in a new group of people.

For just going out randomly: Again I would recommend a pub because you ill have those lightly buzzed people who like to talk. So just go on a night where they show a game on the screen or whatever. Sit down at the bar and wait until someone talks to you. If not, just enjoy your pint and try again next time.

Another thing that I had to learn because I am a disaster in social situations, is the art of small talk (and yes small talk is hard) and the art of approaching a group that is friendly.
Small talk topics:
- Wow that game yesterday, did you see it?
- When will it ever stop raining?
- Oh no, this pub is so hot. I wish they had a air conditioning.
- Can you recommend me a drink? I usually drink x but I want to try something new.
- Look at those girls over there. You know them? Are they nice?
- So what about those bingo nights they do here in the pub? Any good?
- I saw a pub just like this over in Dublin. Very nice and familiar feeling here. Ever been to Dublin?
....
Just random shit that sounds friendly really. Usually works at least in a pub setting with a lightly buzzed person/group there.

And approaching a group in a pub: See a group that seems to be friendly (laughter, smiles, drinks, conversation, etc). Just approach and while sitting down with them, "hey any space for a stranger here?" smile and sit down and start being part of the situation. But yea only if the group seems friendly. If they are weird about it, maybe don't lol.

Thank you very much for the tips Smile Well, it makes me realize that it's not so much a good thing that I have never watched a sport game on TV, because I don't even know the rules and miss the opportunity to go to a pub when there's a play on the screen. But I'll try the other ones ("when will it ever stop raining" can definitely be useful in the Netherlands). I probably won't be able to approach a group a people (not while I'm still completely hesitant about approaching a single person), but I'll try sitting at the bar at talk to people around if some of them look friendly.

(21-05-2017 10:40 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think this is good advice Thumbsup

For me, I don't have a problem with small talk or meeting people and in my experience, people usually approach me first to talk, which I'm sure takes some of the pressure off (of me). But I'm generally a smiley person and I make eye contact-which I think that has a lot to do with it. People (I think) assume I'm outgoing and friendly and am open to a convo.

For small talk, I think just being respectful of someone's space and observant. If someone has an interesting book they have with them, ask about that. If someone has on a Sport's top, mention something about the sport. And so on. This is usually how my convos with strangers start in a social setting.

I find most people want to talk about their interests and hobbies. And if you come off as open and friendly, most people will open up to you quite fast. I find that if you are a happy, confident person, most people will naturally be drawn to you.

I'll try to smile to look more friendly (I'm quite limited with my natural features which make me look rather stern), but I'll try to smile to compensate that (without looking silly !), maybe people will be the one starting talking to me Smile

(21-05-2017 10:01 AM)Grauwyler Wrote:  It's sometimes difficult NOT to talk about it when you have a sympathetic ear, but in my (many more than I want to admit) experiences, it can lead to ugly rebounds and dysfunctional friendships. Shared interests are a better foundation than shared sorrows; it takes all kinds to make a world though. Don't sweat talking about it, but try not to make it a "focus" if possible.

I know, especially as questions can lead to the topic. The only meetup I went and talked to people (a RPG meetup), I had to mention it, because people asked me "how come we haven't seen you before if you've been living here for 1 year and a half", then I tell the truth, but I try not to sound dramatic about it and try to leave the topic quickly to not break the joyful atmosphere.
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21-05-2017, 01:25 PM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
(21-05-2017 01:14 PM)Sturm Wrote:  Thank you very much for all the messages and advice, it makes me feel a bit more confident about trying it. Next week I'll walk to a local pub with a resolute pace, and this time, I'll make it trough the front door !

(21-05-2017 08:53 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think the thread might be in the Intro area, at least that's where I'm pretty sure I remember it being before.

Thank you ! Is it this one ? http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...s?page=100

As the last message in it was posted 6 months ago, I'm not sure that it is still active.

(21-05-2017 05:50 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  Meetup.com

Thanks ! I joined Meetup.com a few weeks ago, I joined almost every group I could join : Gamers, RPG, surfers, IT, Skeptics, expats. I like the website and it's so far my best option to meet people, but most of the meetups are in Amsterdam which makes things difficult for me , I live 40 min from Amsterdam, but take into account the time I need to park the car (very tricky in Amsterdam , there's a reason why everybody bikes instead) and the traffic jam in the evening, it can easily be 2h, so it's not very possible on a working day, even in the evening.

(21-05-2017 09:00 AM)Leerob Wrote:  For meetups: i remember when I first moved to this city I was looking for local meet ups too. And it was a weekly thing in a pub. The first time I went there, I was just trying to find the group (big pub, lots of people) and when they saw me looking, they were friendly and waved and started talking to me on their own. So that was easier than expected because I am like that too. I cannot easily start in a new group of people.

For just going out randomly: Again I would recommend a pub because you ill have those lightly buzzed people who like to talk. So just go on a night where they show a game on the screen or whatever. Sit down at the bar and wait until someone talks to you. If not, just enjoy your pint and try again next time.

Another thing that I had to learn because I am a disaster in social situations, is the art of small talk (and yes small talk is hard) and the art of approaching a group that is friendly.
Small talk topics:
- Wow that game yesterday, did you see it?
- When will it ever stop raining?
- Oh no, this pub is so hot. I wish they had a air conditioning.
- Can you recommend me a drink? I usually drink x but I want to try something new.
- Look at those girls over there. You know them? Are they nice?
- So what about those bingo nights they do here in the pub? Any good?
- I saw a pub just like this over in Dublin. Very nice and familiar feeling here. Ever been to Dublin?
....
Just random shit that sounds friendly really. Usually works at least in a pub setting with a lightly buzzed person/group there.

And approaching a group in a pub: See a group that seems to be friendly (laughter, smiles, drinks, conversation, etc). Just approach and while sitting down with them, "hey any space for a stranger here?" smile and sit down and start being part of the situation. But yea only if the group seems friendly. If they are weird about it, maybe don't lol.

Thank you very much for the tips Smile Well, it makes me realize that it's not so much a good thing that I have never watched a sport game on TV, because I don't even know the rules and miss the opportunity to go to a pub when there's a play on the screen. But I'll try the other ones ("when will it ever stop raining" can definitely be useful in the Netherlands). I probably won't be able to approach a group a people (not while I'm still completely hesitant about approaching a single person), but I'll try sitting at the bar at talk to people around if some of them look friendly.

(21-05-2017 10:40 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think this is good advice Thumbsup

For me, I don't have a problem with small talk or meeting people and in my experience, people usually approach me first to talk, which I'm sure takes some of the pressure off (of me). But I'm generally a smiley person and I make eye contact-which I think that has a lot to do with it. People (I think) assume I'm outgoing and friendly and am open to a convo.

For small talk, I think just being respectful of someone's space and observant. If someone has an interesting book they have with them, ask about that. If someone has on a Sport's top, mention something about the sport. And so on. This is usually how my convos with strangers start in a social setting.

I find most people want to talk about their interests and hobbies. And if you come off as open and friendly, most people will open up to you quite fast. I find that if you are a happy, confident person, most people will naturally be drawn to you.

I'll try to smile to look more friendly (I'm quite limited with my natural features which make me look rather stern), but I'll try to smile to compensate that (without looking silly !), maybe people will be the one starting talking to me Smile

(21-05-2017 10:01 AM)Grauwyler Wrote:  It's sometimes difficult NOT to talk about it when you have a sympathetic ear, but in my (many more than I want to admit) experiences, it can lead to ugly rebounds and dysfunctional friendships. Shared interests are a better foundation than shared sorrows; it takes all kinds to make a world though. Don't sweat talking about it, but try not to make it a "focus" if possible.

I know, especially as questions can lead to the topic. The only meetup I went and talked to people (a RPG meetup), I had to mention it, because people asked me "how come we haven't seen you before if you've been living here for 1 year and a half", then I tell the truth, but I try not to sound dramatic about it and try to leave the topic quickly to not break the joyful atmosphere.

It is, but every so often someone will ask to skype on there and it gets started up again. Also, I don't know if you're a D&D fan, but there's an active Skype group that plays that. Just pm C. Sensei if interested.
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21-05-2017, 01:28 PM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
(21-05-2017 01:25 PM)jennybee Wrote:  It is, but every so often someone will ask to skype on there and it gets started up again.

Thanks, I will create a new Skype account and post it on the thread ! (I already have a Skype account, but since it consists in my firstname/lastname and I use it professionally, it's better to use a dedicated one).
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22-05-2017, 03:50 AM
RE: Has anybody experience in going out alone ?
I personally never have been out alone, and I'm a bit socially awkward which doesn't help. However, my brother in law moved cities recently, all on his own, no friends/family near by, and went to the local pub. He had a few drinks, and just started randomly buying people drinks. He soon found friends after that lol.

If I ever did, I'd probably hit the coffee shop or pub/bar with a book or something. Have a read, and sometimes people who are like minded will ask what you're reading, and you can start from there. Groups/clubs for interests are also a very good place to start.

Did you also mention you're newly single? if so, sign up to match.com, they do like singles nights/activites where you can meet new people. Even if just to meet some new friends, it's always a good starting point.

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