Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
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03-02-2017, 10:16 AM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(03-02-2017 07:50 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  Yeah, I got committed to a mental hospital under false pretenses by my family too. I think they payed a psychiatrist to lie about me. Mind you, this was not so many years ago, in a country internationally reported for committing sane patients to corrupt mental hospitals by the dozens.

I can't believe that this is so common, that families would send their loved ones intentionally to the mental hospital. I get what you're saying about making new connections and the past haunting you. I find it so hard to trust people. In my experience, the nut-jobs are all too glad to befriend you, but real, good people are much harder to come by. So I don't mind feeling a little lonely while I let go of the bad stuff and people who mistreated me. I am making space for new people to come along, who are also trying to better themselves.

I still believe there is hope. I still believe that we can rise above it and become better versions of ourselves. That's what I am going to strive for earnestly for the rest of my life. Hugs to you, my friend. Heart

If the pope went to Zumba class, then he may be eligible to spend eternity in my special unicorn mountain kingdom. Cool
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03-02-2017, 10:33 AM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(03-02-2017 07:05 AM)julep Wrote:  The advice to forgive them comes from both negative and positive directions. Negative direction is to position forgiveness as a rejection of your emotion of anger and a directive to feel something different, more socially acceptable--and, often, to continue on in an dysfunctional relationship without demanding change. The positive direction is positioning forgiveness in a way that doesn't deny or minimize your anger, but recognizes that in the long term, that emotion gets in your way. The second kind of forgiveness does not require you to reestablish a relationship with your parents and accept their abusive behavior, it just lets you move on with your life without the anger from past hurts getting in your way. But if you want a relationship with them, the second kind of forgiveness helps you set boundaries that will make you feel safer and let you enjoy their company to some extent.

For truth! Thank you for your words.

I don't know if it's gas-lighting or not. After their explosions, my parents tried to control my thoughts and feelings to the point that I felt so dissociated and depressed. I tried to only think thoughts that my parents would approve of. If not, I would hear Bible verses, insults, and guilt-tripping about how I am not honoring my parents. I think I've heard it called "Spiritual Abuse."

I like what you said about there's two types of forgiveness. I honestly hate the term forgiveness altogether because it makes me think of how religion made me feel controlled and not allowed to feel anything. I believe in acceptance. As in, I accept that those people are who they have chosen to be. I can't change them. I can't make them love me. Now I will go live my life without them. It's actually helped me more to release anger to know that I don't have to have them in my life anymore. I make my own choices. I choose who and what I want to be. I'm moving on!

I wanted to share my story in case there are other people out there like me. Sometimes it feels so lonely to have what I think is a volatile narcissist for a father. He seemed to care more about his reputation at church than anything else.

If the pope went to Zumba class, then he may be eligible to spend eternity in my special unicorn mountain kingdom. Cool
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03-02-2017, 02:19 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(03-02-2017 03:59 AM)morondog Wrote:  I know a bit about guilt-tripping. Not to that degree though. Holy shit, your parents were pieces of work. Sorry you went through that Hug

One night I got a message on my phone from my father, telling me that it was the day of my stepbrother's death, because I still hadn't forgiven him for some previous actions. He said I needed to "remember" it, even though I don't remember my stepbrother at all. I couldn't tell if it was another threat from him or just guilt tripping.

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03-02-2017, 04:38 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(03-02-2017 02:19 PM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  
(03-02-2017 03:59 AM)morondog Wrote:  

One night I got a message on my phone from my father, telling me that it was the day of my stepbrother's death, because I still hadn't forgiven him for some previous actions. He said I needed to "remember" it, even though I don't remember my stepbrother at all. I couldn't tell if it was another threat from him or just guilt tripping.

Genesis, Family can really suck! I once heard someone say 'of course family is so good at pushing your buttons because they are the ones that installed them!' Peace and love to you.

If the pope went to Zumba class, then he may be eligible to spend eternity in my special unicorn mountain kingdom. Cool
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03-02-2017, 05:35 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
I think too many people feel like they need to be able to articulate their feelings before they reject someone. That's how manipulator get you messed up through confusion. Once you start getting that creepy vibe dump the person. Family, old friend...whatever. If they ask why say because fuck you.
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03-02-2017, 06:07 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(03-02-2017 09:59 AM)hannaskywalker Wrote:  
(03-02-2017 07:27 AM)Anjele Wrote:  You saying 'this isn't half of it' really resonates with me. Having two emotionally (and physically) abusive parents is something that is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't lived it. The abuse happens over a long time. Each 'little' thing added to every other 'little' thing becomes a gigantic thing that sucks the life out you and makes you question your own sanity.

My parents were expert at hiding their behavior from others (especially mom...people knew dad had a temper). It was impossible to get people to understand how bad things were because they only saw the faces that were presented outside of the house and those faces were quite different from the reality.

At 19 my mother had done enough groundwork at undermining me with everyone that she had me picked up by the police and committed to a state mental hospital. She got dad on her side, dad's golfing buddy-a lawyer and my aunt who was a nurse. They all said the right words to have me picked up and locked up. Mom claimed I had threatened to bomb their house...WTF! Are you kidding me? That was so far from anything I would have thought, then or now.

She was sure they would keep me, seemingly forever and would take the baby I was carrying from me. That way she could say I was crazy and explain away any embarrassment over her daughter being pregnant and unmarried. I locked up for three days and then had to go to court...I was then let go. The psychiatrist said that I had problems but they were mostly that I was pregnant, and had no family support of any kind. To this day (that was in 40 years ago) my mother tells people that I did something illegal to get released. How? I had no contact with the outside world...the only people I was allowed to talk to were my parents. What could I have done illegally or otherwise?

That's only one story of the things done. Over the years I have been told of a laundry list of things that mom told people about me...that were untrue.

This kind of shit is why I am so connected to my best friend...she lived a similar hell and she gets it.

I hate hearing that others go through similar crap. I hope you can find your way out to a peaceful life.

Heart

Gosh! How can a parent be so controlling and mean? I'm sorry that you went through all of that. I can't imagine being put in the mental hospital. It's so difficult being a child of a person that people in the community respect and admire, but you know a totally different side of them.

I have never felt 'allowed' to speak about my experiences. I've always protected their reputation. That's why I am posting this piece of my story here. I don't want to live in silence anymore. I want to connect to other people like you who really get it.

Thank you for sharing your experience! I wish that no child ever has to endure things like these stories ever again. I'm moving on and letting go now. Heart

About a dozen years or so ago my mother got committed to a mental hospital after the ER docs determined that her drinking a rubbing alcohol and milk cocktail was not a good thing. She called me when she got out to tell me about her horrible experience. She said that I had NO idea what it was like to be involuntarily committed to a state mental hospital...Hello...have we met? So I said that yes I did know. She said, in her most condescending tone...you do? I said yeah don't your remember when you had me committed when I was pregnant with Jenny?

There were a couple of seconds of silence...I could nearly hear the gears changing. She then said that I didn't have it as bad as she did because she was taken care of by Bahamian caregivers who were mean and abusive. Blink I said that no, there weren't a lot of Bahamian mental health workers in eastern Iowa in the 70s.

She seriously tried to act like what she did to me hadn't happened or at least it wasn't as bad as what she went through.

That conversation put me on the path to removing her from my life. A couple years later a call from her telling me of a suicide attempt by my cousin that was such a burden on her that I could barely get information on my cousin's condition. That was the last straw. I told her to never call me again...which she had me repeat...then, silence again before said, in a tone of voice that would make your skin crawl - you got it Angie. (BTW - she saved the clothing my cousin was wearing to show him the trouble he caused her - yes, he survived.)

She did call one time after that but as soon as she started with her shit, I said goodbye and repeated my request that she never call me again.

She is, and always has been, toxic.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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05-08-2017, 04:40 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
Was raised by a narc, closet atheist mother . Once I got online as a deconverting theist who only got smeared by the atheists I needed /wanted to help me and reel me in, I got narc abuse.

Once I learned how to stand up against narc, atheist abuse, I got solid.
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05-08-2017, 10:33 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
Yes, Frankly I don't know if I want to read your OP. But if you're experiencing this, I can't help but idk.... hope you get free of that. It's literally the closest thing I can imagine to hell, an inescapable prison I'm still trying to free myself from. It must be like that for you too...

Hugs.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
Big Grin
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06-08-2017, 10:05 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
My girlfriend whom I was with for about a year was emotionally abusive to me and loved to gaslight. When she found out I was dating again (after it had been 6 months apart) she started it again, exploded, and resorted to hate campaigns on facebook, trying to destroy relationships of mine, started stalking me, got her brothers involved who spoke of physical violence against me, and forced me to get the police involved. After that I got angry voicemails basically calling me a chickenshit, that the people who encouraged me to stand up for myself were trying to play me and my anxiety and couldn't be trusted. She tried everything she could to try and make me question my sanity.

I currently have the paperwork filled out to file a stalking order on her at this point, if she continues further contact. She is blocked on every social media outlet possible, as are her family and friends we were close with. Looking back, I should have pressed charges for harassment instead of letting her off the hook for it. Going forward, should it continue, she'll be in court for a stalking order.

The people that tend to be full of gaslighting tactics tend to be NPD, bigtime. This article was sent to me by a friend, and it was like ticking off checkboxes on every single part of the list:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi...ist-first/

People who gaslight you are people to be wary of, and I'm sorry for anyone who has dealt with it.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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12-08-2017, 10:45 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
I see this thread is old.

I didn't speak to my father for 25 years.

If people in your life make your life difficult, perhaps get away from them. It worked for me.

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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