Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
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13-08-2017, 03:30 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(12-08-2017 10:45 PM)Banjo Wrote:  I see this thread is old.

I didn't speak to my father for 25 years.

If people in your life make your life difficult, perhaps get away from them. It worked for me.

Good luck.

Hi Banjo!

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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13-08-2017, 03:41 PM
RE: Have You Experienced Gas-lighting Emotional Abuse?
(03-02-2017 01:31 AM)hannaskywalker Wrote:  Gas-lighting occurs when an abuser manipulates their victim into questioning their own reality, their own sanity, or their own ability to interpret situations.

For years now, I have been questioning myself. Why do I feel angry at my parents? Why do I feel like they didn't love me like they should have? Am I just an unforgiving, negative person? What is wrong with me? Why am I so anxious when I am around them? Why don't I want to be around them?

I have been trying so hard to forgive and forget my parents for the memories in which my dad screamed at me for no apparent reason, other than he had a bad day. My parents would yell at each other in the middle of the night. Dishes smashed. Walls Punched. Slammed doors. The revving of an engine. My dad's tires peeling out at 4 am. Where'd he go? Is he coming back? Is he going to barge into my room early in the morning, flip on my lights, and demand at the top of his lungs that I get my lazy ass out of bed and do the dishes, like last time?
And then the next morning, I would wake up, tired from writhing about sleepless, terrified, and brokenhearted. I'd brush my teeth. Comb my hair. Put on some dress or something half decent. And walk across the street to church and sit in the pew to listen to my dad preach in front of the church, he was grinning, chuckling, jovial as always. How does he do it? Where did he come from? Is he going to disappear after the church service, like he has done before? Where the heck does he go when he leaves? Will he come back?
Then, he would give me that look that says it all. 'You better straighten up. You better toe the line.' Sheepishly, I'd grin as I shake the hands of the sweet old folks as they tell me how wonderful my father's sermon was. How lucky I am to be his daughter. OH JOY! All I was allowed to say, "thank you, I'm so proud of him." Felt like swallowing my own vomit.

And then, a few nights later, my parents would sit together on the couch; smiling?!! Telling us that 'everything is okay' it was 'just an argument.' We needed to forgive and forget. We were such wonderful children for being 'forgiving,' and 'patient.' Our parents love us so much and my dad will never leave us.

So, I don't know. What the heck do you do with these memories? I mean, this isn't even the half of it. But seriously, how do you forgive such a major hypocrite? I am not in contact right now with these people. But no contact is all new to me. For years now, I've been trying to forgive and love my parents, despite all that stuff. They have this way of manipulating me into feeling guilty for being angry at them and reacting emotionally to their mistreatment. They never take responsibility for their issues.

I find it so hard to find people who understand. Most christians I've told can't see past the fact that I need to forgive and let go of anger, and that it's really not that big of a deal. But it really is a big deal to me! Hence, now I am speaking to atheists. lol.

All I can think of is the song by Paramore, Playing God - "I know you don't believe me, but the way I, way I see it, next time you point the finger, I might have to bend it back and break it, break it off!"

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing? Thanks for any light you can shed!
Love and Peace Heart

No i haven't, but I know abuse when I see it.
You grew up in a terribly abusive environment. Whether they made up, or not is irrelevant. They abused you, emotionally. I would suggest you find a counselor/therapist who deals in PTSD, or abuse and start to work on it.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein It is objectively immoral to kill innocent babies. Please stick to the guilty babies.
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