Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
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31-10-2010, 06:06 AM
 
Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
And I mean the romantic kind of love. I know it may sound intrusive and abrupt since I'm just a newbie and I'm already asking stuff like this. If it makes you guys feel better, I'll share my experience first. Walls of text incoming.

So I met this girl five years ago, easy on the eyes, not too pretty and not to... abhor-able. Light on her feet, artful, cheery, couple of nuts loose, but good. By the time I met her, I was already questioning the ways of the church and the legitimacy of the bible. We started out fine, we go for friendly outings, play some videogames, share stuff with each other. I was like "Whoa, maybe she's the one. Maybe being a theist isn't so bad after all."

Some time passed since then, I was invited to join in their church, and I reluctantly joined just so I could always be in close proximity with her. The stories the pastor would teach us were of mass wars, killings, kidnapping, all spray coated with "love" and often accompanied with the words "because god knew it was best for all of us" and "god did it out of love for his children" and such. At the moment I was thinking "Wait, weren't the people they just killed ALSO the children of god? Then does that mean god practices favoritism?"

I just kept quiet all the time, listening intently while I questioned them deep down in me. Some time passed, I was informed that a member of our church was gravely ill and needed immediate medical attention, but chose to resort to what they call "faith healing." Me and some members of the church accompanied him to numerous churches that were famous for healing the sick. Week after week, the same routine but his condition took a turn for the worst. He died eventually, and I spoke "Why didn't you take him to a hospital? We would've stood a chance if we did."

And the responses I got were "It was god's will" and "If it is what god wants, no amount of medicine and treatment will heal him" and "He's in a better place now." Something snapped inside me that time that made me openly question the very things they stood for. And the girl I loved, looked at me like how they look at hungry beggars that they turn away every sunday. They sternly asked me to leave the premises, and so I did, but not after the girl of my dreams spat at my face. I tried talking to her, but she kept turning me away.

Five years later, here I am, secretly an atheist in a near heretical community. And the worst part is, even though me and the girl are practically worlds apart, I can't forget about her and am in need of closure. She's like a constant distraction to me. A drug addiction that I can't get rid off.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. She was one of the main reasons why I became an atheist. Have you ever loved someone like this?
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31-10-2010, 08:57 AM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
Ok, so now I'm going to make myself sound very old. Brace yourself (while I brace myself) and try to be open to what I have to say. I don't think this is a matter of atheism vs. theism. I think that may be the main factor that drove the two of you apart, but the issue you face now is about losing someone you fell in love with for the first time. If she is a devout Christian and you are an atheist, that is a huge obstacle to overcome. Considering how young you are, I would say nearly insurmountable. Not that a relationship is not possible. There are those here who can attest to the conrtary, with their own relationships as proof. But if you ask most of them, they will tell you that it is a difficult obstacle.

Here's the part that makes me look old. Regardless of what it was that caused you and this girl to split, it's done now. At 18 years old, you are still so young that, considering you met her five years ago (when you were 13) I would guess this is your first love. It's the hardest to let go of, and some people hold on for years. Don't. Mourn the loss. Be sad. That's normal and healthy. But do it as a part of moving on. Do it to heal, so you can find love again. No matter what the law says, you are still a kid in so many ways. Please don't take that as insulting. I wish I more often heard that I was a kid in certain ways. The point is, you are not yet the person that you will be in ten years. We evolve and change our entire lives, but at 18 you are changing so fast that it's nearly impossible to change WITH someone. If you are a good match with them now, it is very unlikely you will be a good match in the future. If you are, great. But accept that you will find, and lose love. It's part of what will shape you. These years are for practice. For experiment. For learning to lose as much as for learning to love.

Ok, old guy lecture over. I know it's not even what you were asking for, and if you've already moved on then good (though I don't think so from your "addiction" reference). Perhaps someone else will benefit (or perhaps not). Your question was, "have I ever loved someone like this?" Yep. Different circumstances, but the big picture is the same. I was a broken man for years. All because I couldn't let her go in my own mind. I guess that's why my instinct was to say what I did. I don't want to see anyone waste years like I did. It didn't feel like it, but moving on was a choice. Once I gave myself the chance to mourn the loss, I discovered that was the choice I had needed to make all along.
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31-10-2010, 04:15 PM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
Both of my ex-wives were Christians who knew I was atheist. I'm currently living with a wonderful woman who is - shall we say - spiritual. She believes in ghosts and a vague idea of God, but recognizes most dogma to be BS. Religion - I'm lucky - has never been an obstacle for me. What broke up me and my Christian ex-wives was the cheating. No, not me.I'm an atheist, so I understand morality too well.
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31-10-2010, 04:42 PM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
Stark Raving said it well. I also have lost at love a number of times and three of those times were shattering, one extremely so. I am now in love with a woman and our relationship is strong after eleven years. I would not be with her if I stayed with any of these other women, and it is very likely that I wouldn't be nearly as happy, especially if I was with any of the three that were the most painful when breaking up. Those three would have been the worst to live with, but I didn't realize that until years later.
I can gaurantee you can find a lady who is better for you than the one you broke up with, although you will probably not believe me at this time. That is ok. I went through those feelings, too.
No woman has ever spit in my face, ever. I drove taxi for a few years and met some of the worst people around. If she spit in your face, forget her. I suspect that living with someone like that would be a nightmare.
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31-10-2010, 08:35 PM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
My experience is the memory is usually better than the reality. Before I met my wife I had a girl friend who I had an on-again, off-again relationship with. Each time it was on-again I quickly remembered why it had previously gone off-again. My guess is that the girl could never compete with your memory of her and you'd be somewhat disappointed if you got her back.

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31-10-2010, 09:01 PM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
If she is psychotic enough to give up a man just because he questions her religion, then she was no good for you anyway, man.

I'm only 15, but I am close with girls who are Christians. One in particular who I like a lot more than most girls ("love" is too strong a word when describing teenagers) is Christian, but I don't care about that.

So no, I've never been in a situation like that, but I also wouldn't care about her religion. If she's nutty about her religion, then that would be a turn-off for me from the start. If not, then there really is no problem.

I think the best thing to do is let any future partners know that you're an atheist from the get-go.

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01-11-2010, 07:22 PM (This post was last modified: 01-11-2010 07:26 PM by Cetaceaphile.)
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
My first (and last) proper girlfriend was a muslim.

She though... Wasn't actually supposed to see me, and when her family found out she was beaten quite badly. I didn't even go near her after that because I know they might have killed her if I did. Had to break all contact.

But ya... Religious things never really came up in conversation, we talked about other things. She knew I was an atheist though.

This was around 2004-2006 (my memory for time is really bad...) and lasted for 9 months.

I would say that I did love her.

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01-11-2010, 08:22 PM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
I have yet to fall in love with anybody but I simply could not
see myself being comfortable with somebody who's opinion
on who and what we are, why we are here, and how we
should live our life is so much different than my own.

But maybe I just don't know love yet Wink

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02-11-2010, 02:02 AM
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
(01-11-2010 08:22 PM)Mindprowler Wrote:  I have yet to fall in love with anybody but I simply could not
see myself being comfortable with somebody who's opinion
on who and what we are, why we are here, and how we
should live our life is so much different than my own.

But maybe I just don't know love yet Wink
Why though? Does our interpretation of how we got here really control our lives? I understand that there are some overly religious folk in this world, but for the most part, if I love someone, their belief in how we got here shouldn't change anything.

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02-11-2010, 07:30 AM
 
RE: Have you ever loved a christian or theist for that matter?
When I was a Christian (or thought I was), I dated and lived with a Wiccan for a year and a half. She was cool for a while, but I called it off when she started cheating on me. I even attended some of her rituals. It was pretty cool, but still phony-baloney religious nonsense.
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