Poll: Did you ever find yourself settling for a relationship?
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Have you ever settled in a relationship?
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03-06-2017, 06:37 PM (This post was last modified: 03-06-2017 06:50 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 06:25 PM)yakherder Wrote:  I don't know if settled is the right term. I've only really been in two.

In the first, it was a misguided sense of responsibility that kept me around. Leaving her would have resulted in the forfeiture of her US residency and completely screwed over her parents and siblings back in China, who depended on her sending money after having dropped out of college in China on order to move to the US with me. Even after being cheated on, I maintained the relationship for several years while she obtained citizenship, finished her degree, and got herself situated enough to take care of herself.

My current relationship is essentially dead. We still live as a family, and more or less get along and don't hate reach other, but we don't sleep in the same bed, haven't been intimate since our youngest was conceived about 3 years ago, and hadn't been intimate for several years before that since our oldest was conceived (yeah, I'm like way fertile, just once or twice is enough to make a baby), and despite being conflicted in regards to the best path to take in light of the overwhelming info out there saying that staying together "for the kids" is often self defeating as they eventually become intuitive enough to realize mommy and daddy aren't really a couple anymore, that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm sure there are better matches out there for me, and I don't doubt my ability to find them If I had the opportunity, but right now it's all about the kids.

Wow you are a good person for sticking it out with wife number one. Wife number two is very similar to my situation like I told you before in a pm. I don't sleep in the same bed as my bf and haven't for awhile. Although, we still have sex on occasion, it's more like a going through the motions thing. I understand why you are staying together for the kids. I think you have to do what feels right to you guys and not base your decisions on what others say is the best thing to do.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-06-2017, 06:39 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 06:23 PM)ShadowProject Wrote:  I think everyone does when they are in a relationship, unless you are dating/married to your exact clone Smile

Um, that would mean I wanna date myself... or that I consider myself perfect... for myself, at least. Which I most definitely don't Rolleyes

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03-06-2017, 06:58 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
Once. It wasn't good. Sad

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03-06-2017, 07:01 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 06:09 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(03-06-2017 06:06 PM)kim Wrote:  Settled for what?

Less than you deserve.

Yes.

Then, I got divorced and lived happily, ever after. Shy

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03-06-2017, 07:02 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
Yeah... I was so amazed someone liked me, I ignored lots of very serious problems and let them treat me like shit. Then I got badly used by someone and should have seen it coming. At least I learned from them and I'm now with someone who respects me Smile

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03-06-2017, 07:04 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 07:01 PM)kim Wrote:  
(03-06-2017 06:09 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Less than you deserve.

Yes.

Then, I got divorced and lived happily, ever after. Shy

Thumbsup I'm ready to live happily ever after with my cat. Tongue

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-06-2017, 07:06 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
I know I certainly have. I dated my girlfriend for nearly two years, and during that time she was emotionally distant (didn't liked to be hugged or kissed), reminded me that my hobbies were stupid, and spent most of her free time hanging out with her friends or attending some galla associated with her work or some board she was a member of (without inviting me).

I settled thinking that I could break through her emotionless, robotic exterior at some point. I seriously thought we would be able to work past our differences and get married. That was not to be. She broke up with me a couple of months ago.
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03-06-2017, 07:06 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 07:02 PM)Robvalue Wrote:  Yeah... I was so amazed someone liked me, I ignored lots of very serious problems and let them treat me like shit. Then I got badly used by someone and should have seen it coming. At least I learned from them and I'm now with someone who respects me Smile

Good I'm glad you are being treated well now. You are an awesome person and so deserve only good things in life *hugs*

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-06-2017, 07:07 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 07:06 PM)ghostexorcist Wrote:  I know I certainly have. I dated my girlfriend for nearly two years, and during that time she was emotionally distant (didn't liked to be hugged or kissed), reminded me that my hobbies were stupid, and spent most of her free time hanging out with her friends or attending some galla associated with her work or some board she was a member of (without inviting me).

I settled thinking that I could break through her emotionless, robotic exterior at some point. I seriously thought we would be able to work past our differences and get married. That was not to be. She broke up with me a couple of months ago.

*hugs* sounds like for the best though even though I'm sure it still hurts.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-06-2017, 07:11 PM
RE: Have you ever settled in a relationship?
(03-06-2017 06:35 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Coming from an abusive family I didn't know that there was any other way than to settle.

My second husband is a prime example. My first husband died in a car accident and I met and married my second husband before I should have ever even dated. I knew very early on that he was a cheater and a liar. But I already had one marriage under my belt and was determined to not screw up. I overlooked a lot. We added a son to my two daughters only to find out years later that while I was pregnant with our son he was getting someone else pregnant. I stuck it out for seven years and finally said 'Uncle'. There were too many affairs, too many lies, too much hurt and disappointment.

After that I was simply in survival mode...where I have stayed for 25 years.

I envy people who have healthy relationships. It's not been part of my experience.

Hugs to you. That is a lot to deal with.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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