Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
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28-01-2014, 02:30 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
The best vaccine against a non-mainstream religion is, "Now remember if your grandma starts talking about her religion just nod and play along."

The possibility of any actual belief slipping through that filter is probably lower than if your kid answers the door to a missionary expecting pizza.

However, religion with deep, resonant cultural and community ties is almost inevitably going to take root if any member of the family is part of that fabric. The upside is this will only happen if being part of this extended family-community is something your kids really enjoy and is compatible with your values (except the one big one, but what can you do?), which means that if the "worst" happens and they become believers at least they'll be enjoying very happy childhoods. (If they were miserable at church they'd exercise the "I don't have to go if I hang out with atheist Dad" option instead. At least the church has to earn it.)
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29-01-2014, 11:34 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
My personal rule is this:

Do not propagate my genetic lineage with an individual who displays a propensity toward superstitious thinking.


This is my personal rule and I do not expect others to adhere to it.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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31-01-2014, 11:51 PM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
(21-01-2014 03:27 PM)htorres1986 Wrote:  We are moving to Arizona soon and will be staying with her family until we get settled.
...
How can I make it clear to everyone what I want without causing problems with her family?

Here's what you need to do. Man up. You are not moving in with her parents, period. As long as you don't make that mistake, none of the rest of your scenario will come true.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey.
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01-02-2014, 12:35 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
(21-01-2014 03:27 PM)htorres1986 Wrote:  I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but I have a feeling that this will cause us to have problems in our relationship. I'm not going to tell her to choice between her family and myself. What can I do?

You can only propose if you're ready to marry her in church, because that's what her family will demand. If you really love her, suck it up and put on a smile, because it won't hurt. But you have to make it clear that you will not change your views and she and her family must agree to not make each other miserable.

The real gospel: Jesus went rogue and preached love instead of genocide. God got angry and went old testament style on Jesus's ass, setting him up to be tortured and killed. The End.
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18-02-2014, 07:50 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
Think of atheism as a special talent, like having perfect pitch or something along those lines. There's a good chance if you marry someone who has it your children will have it, too, but you shouldn't unrealistically demand it in a spouse nor be disappointed when your children don't have it.
The idea of turning away true love, of the kind you'd marry to keep, because like the other 98% of the population she believes in some kind of supernatural phenomenon and/or entity is in a word punishing.
(If it keeps you from having children it's also a Darwin Lifetime Achievement Award.)
In a perfect world we'd meet the perfect girl (or guy) and that person would be just as impervious to magical thinking as we are. But to believe that such a world exists borders on that very thing we pride ourselves on avoiding ...
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18-02-2014, 10:28 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
How long will you and your girlfriend be living with her family? If it is not that long then I wouldn't worry to much about it, your child will be too young for them to influence anyway. If this is the case I would try my best to just grin and bare it if ya know what I mean. Take this opportunity to show them...and the world....that just because you are atheist it doesn't mean you are a bad person.

I can honestly say that when women have their first child and especially when they get around their families they tend to become more in to their religion they were raised with. One reason for this is pure nostalgia, they want to recreate for their child what they were raised with and experience it again for themselves. Another reason is lots of women become very hypervigilant all of a sudden because they now have this new life to care for and they want to do everything right, which if they were raised religious this often means making sure all is well with the babies soul and such. I have seen this over and over again. I wish I could give you some advice to head this off or deal with it but I really don't know how. My suggestion would be to make sure she understands the love you have for your son and her and to feel the value of yalls little family as it is without all the religion stuff. Perhaps get her some books about raising a child without religion so that she can see that she doesn't need to do all that religious crap to be a good mother.

Basically I think how you act around her family and how you show respect to them will really speak loads to her and them about what kind of person you are. Hopefully if you show them respect they will show you respect in return by not trying to force their beliefs on your son. This is idealic I know but hey something to shoot for ya know.

If you are going to be living with them for a longer length of time then this whole issue is going to be alot messier for sure, which is sad because I think growing up in a multi-generational household has its benefits. Sometimes however space between you and them is what is needed for yall to be able to form and function as your own little family. I know for myself moving thousands of miles away from my family really gave me the courage I needed to explore my atheism more. Do I miss them? Of course I do but realistically I know there is only so much "Thank you Jesus!" I can handle being around. Hobo

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18-02-2014, 11:48 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
Your grandmother think's everything is the devil.?
Walk into the house, dancing, singing, listening to dubstep. Then say you are watching netflix on your smartphone while you are listening to music.

Insulting me will convert me real fast!
MSBB:
Don't let anyone define who you are.
Me:
Can we define him as he defines himself? Or will he define himself as we define how he defines himself? But, if we do that, will we define him as he defines himself based on our definition of how we see him define himself?
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18-02-2014, 11:49 AM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
Act like the devil posseses you.
Wear atheist tee shirts and other merch.

Insulting me will convert me real fast!
MSBB:
Don't let anyone define who you are.
Me:
Can we define him as he defines himself? Or will he define himself as we define how he defines himself? But, if we do that, will we define him as he defines himself based on our definition of how we see him define himself?
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18-02-2014, 02:25 PM
RE: Having a family with a Non-Atheist.
IMO kids are pretty sharp. Disclaimer: I don't got none so I know squat. But I still gonna run my neck Tongue

Let the little bugger figure stuff out. If (s)he sees you not going to church and Mama going to church (s)he's gonna ask why. Then you just say that you don't believe what she believes about God, and that everyone has to *decide* what they believe as they live their life. Probably be enough (with repetition) that kiddo starts thinking for self.

And then yeah, maybe as time goes by kiddie poo gonna take the Christian route. Is no problem IMO. As long as kid knows a bit of logic the dalliance will probably be short. And even if kiddo goes for the full package, isn't like it's a terrible thing... some fine people are Christians.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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