Having an adverse reaction to life.
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12-02-2013, 07:48 AM
Having an adverse reaction to life.
Recently I found out that there is a good chance I could lose my job, I havent been given a date yet but I have a meeting with my big bosses about my attendance.

Ive been looking at the job market and there is nothing out there. I have a friend who says he has sent off over 300+ applications over about 4 months and he hasnt even had an interview.

If I lose my job then I will have to live off benefits, which is next to nothing. I understand that I will never appreciate how lucky I am to live in a country that will support me, even though that support is being dwindled down slowly.

Because of all the stress of this... combined with the collapse of my relationship with my brother and sister... the stress of living in a house whos occupants I detest.... has made my depression much worse and I can feel myself shutting down emotionally.
Im dead inside. I feel nothing... not even despair. I would never top myself but I can honestly say that I dont really give a fuck about anything, even my life.

Music has no effect on me anymore, I dont enjoy anything... even when I go fishing with my best mate. I may have a joke on here with people but its cold and calculated, like an automatic response. My post rate has picked up a bit recently but most of the time I just dont have anything to say...as again, I just dont give a fuck.

I still have the well being of this forum at heart (somewhere deep down, lost inside) but even that is dwindling. I will leave before I become destructive.

I saw one of my old "associates" the other day and normally I would cross the street to avoid conversation. We ended up having a drink and I told him about my situation. He said that If I wanted to work with him again he would help me out. So even though I know im not in the "right" mind I have begun to consider it. I think if I get sacked the chances are high I will go down my old routes and that will ultimately go nowhere except contributing to the world being a shit place. This is something I have been pondering over.

I dont believe in god, I dont believe in judgement other than what I give myself... I believe that this life is the only one I will have and even though I have tried to live it in what I deduce to be a fair and co-operative way I am going nowhere. So I have found myself justifying reasons to go back to my old ways.

This is going to sound psychotic but why should I give a fuck. The world is a fucked up place and we kid ourselves with how "civilised" we are... its a fucking joke. People are apathetic and weak en-masse and whilst I see glimpses of people who care... the general population dont give a fuck. So why should I care if my actions are destructive for others all for the stupid fucking "paper chase"

I dont know... Im just rambling. I have wrote this thread a few times but never posted it. I know what a few answers will be and I would say the same I suppose. "go to the doctors"... " get therapy"..."get help"

Been there, bought the tshirt, none of it helped... had enough of trying with it all. I have nothing left inside me, "will" wise to keep trying going down that route.

I really am lost and this thread is pointless.

Before I post the thread I wanna say... Egor, you will probably use this as justification that all us "atheists" are bad and this is proof that we need "god" or something. So there ive said it for you, you now have no reason to post in my thread and im sure you can take this over to your shitty forum and use it for justification.

Thats it.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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12-02-2013, 08:00 AM (This post was last modified: 12-02-2013 08:06 AM by PoolBoyG.)
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
Sounds like a commonplace hinting towards suicide. This is a post in general to people who turn to suicide-

If you decided to end your life, then that means you have total freedom to do what you want here on out. "I can eat what I want, I can buy what I want, I can backpack across Europe if I want, I can move to wherever I want, I can apply to whatever job I want, I can do humanitarian work in Haiti, etc" You're going to be dead anyway, soon or later, so nothing is holding you back. You might have qualms about dignity (doing something silly to fulfil a childhood dream), but you'll be committing suicide, which will still make people around you "talk" anyway.

So as I understand it, you have complete liberation and license at the "end" to do what you want. 1. Because you might as well have done something in this life that was worthwhile. 2. You might discover or rekindle something about life that might stave off suicide. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
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12-02-2013, 08:19 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
When I was young I used to think that nothing can justify suicide. If you are at the end of your rope -- find another rope you never tried before: go up north and live with the Inuit in an Igloo, or walk out on all your possessions and try to live on the street among the homeless, or got to Africa and help the really desperate who are dying of aids.

As I said, I used to think like that but now, as I am old, I am not so sure any more.

However, a total change of speed and scenery is usually a big help in rekindling a zest for life.

If you feel you have nothing to lose, just say "fuck it all" (you have already said that) and do something totally different.

Have you been to Canada yet?

Immigration might not be a bad idea -- it worked wonders for me.

If you do, look us up, we would love to chat with you face to face. Smile
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12-02-2013, 08:22 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
My latest slogan: If life sucks, consider the alternative. If it still sucks, consider the alternative.
In your case, one alternative is to change it. Move here:

http://windsong.bc.ca/

It's not the mean god I have trouble with - it's the people who worship a mean god.
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12-02-2013, 08:33 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
Hey, Chris

Apathy and hopelessness are possibly the worst part of depression. But in tough situations they can also help us muddle through. Shutting down and not caring are ways of dealing when stuff becomes a bit to much to bear. So as much as they are damaging, they can also help in certain ways.

To my eyes, the biggest problem is the job situation and I know that it's extremely tough finding a job now (have friends who haven't managed to find jobs for years after graduating from uni). Can't you think of something that you're good at that you can turn into a profession? (And no, I don't mean what you hinted you used to do). Any other friends, connections that can help?

Joblessness sucks and when coupled with personal stuff it sometimes becomes too much. Not much I, or anyone, can say to help with this, so Hug

And yeah, the vast majority of people are selfish, self-centred egotists. But you should probably ask yourself whether you want to be just like them. From what little I know of you, I'm pretty sure you don't. The respect of others often doesn't mean a thing. But living without self-respect is worse than most anything I can imagine.

And for the record, he said he wasn't going to kill himself, so all this talk of suicide sounds a lot like projecting and is not particularly helpful (or even mindful of what he was saying). This isn't about you, but about him. I guess his point was proved.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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12-02-2013, 08:33 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
I have the guts to do many things. Killing myself is not one of them, it is not an option.

Analysing myself I think this thread is my last hopes of reaching out. I DONT want to go back to how I used to be but circumstances are not leaving me many options... and yes I know that we create out own options but I just haven't got the will nor do I think in this negative frame my mind is in even if I would recognise them.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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12-02-2013, 08:42 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
I have had the thought about you "snapping" much earlier, when you described your living situation.
I would have snapped long ago in that situation.
Get the fuck outta there!
Get off your duff and do something - the "getting up" is the hardest, once you have started a course of action, it gets easy, one thing leads to another.
Inertia is the enemy, action is your friend.
Get up and find a place to live. Things will just go from there, you'll see. No, I don't accept that it's impossible. You haven't tried yet.
And Poolboy is right - if it can't get much worse, that can be very liberating.
Go, go, go!

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-02-2013, 08:48 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
(12-02-2013 08:33 AM)Vera Wrote:  ...this talk of suicide sounds a lot like projecting and is not particularly helpful (or even mindful of what he was saying). This isn't about you, but about him. I guess his point was proved.

Nobody projected suicide. It was mentioned as a reference point to illustrate that even that can be averted with positive mental attitude.

I know that a positive mental attitude is the hardest to achieve in the middle of depression (I have been there) but the knowledge that it is possible and others have managed to pull themselves up by their boot straps gives hope, even in the middle of the darkness.
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12-02-2013, 08:59 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
(12-02-2013 08:48 AM)Zat Wrote:  Nobody projected suicide. It was mentioned as a reference point to illustrate that even that can be averted with positive mental attitude.

I know that a positive mental attitude is the hardest to achieve in the middle of depression (I have been there) but the knowledge that it is possible and others have managed to pull themselves up by their boot straps gives hope, even in the middle of the darkness.
Did I say you personally did it? Though that was the common denominator in all the responses.

And telling someone who's afraid they're gonna be living on benefits to just go and travel. I mean, really.

However, this is bemore's attempt to get help, so I'm not going down this road.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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12-02-2013, 09:08 AM
RE: Having an adverse reaction to life.
...
Immigration is NOT travel. It can be done with no money at all if you find someone to sponsor you.

I know, I arrived in Canada with the clothes on my back, five dollars in my pocket, and nothing else.

There are agencies that can help you with travel expenses.

Bemore, if you are even remotely interested in this possibility, PM me and I can offer advice on how to proceed.

I was serious with the suggestion.
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