Having trouble
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01-10-2013, 01:59 AM
RE: Having trouble
(30-09-2013 05:28 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
Quote:Try some smutty books, just for you. they have tons of free ones in the kindle store.

This is great advice! I can see myself enjoying a smutty book or two. Also, maybe if I'm not thinking about what he's watching so much, it won't bother me! Smile

My lady has read some of those books, and I've glanced through them to see what the appeal was.......well, let's say I felt lucky that those men only existed in the books, because I wouldn't be able to compete with them in real life.Undecided
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01-10-2013, 04:19 AM
RE: Having trouble
When I first got with my boyfriend I wanted to be clear about where we were with porn. I noticed he watched it secretly so I confronted him. Not because I minded it, but because I wanted to tell him he didn't have to hide.

During that conversation we had, he told me some things and I realized that:
A) He doesn't watch porn because he likes the women, he likes the action and the position he is - watching others.
B) He incorporates things he watches into our sex life and he often says that when he watches porn, he thinks about me being there instead of the girl he sees.
C) He'd choose me over the best porn he could find.
D) If he does it on his own when I'm there, it's not because I'm not enough, it's because his erection is just bothering him and he's not in a sexy mood, so he just uses porn to get rid of that. He tells me that there are many times he feels the need to do it but he isn't really thinking about sex and he isn't exactly turned on and that if he tried to initiate something with me he would "fail" (if you know what I mean) and he wouldn't want to disappoint me.

The fact that I like porn too helped and we do watch it together and it does make things in bed more interesting.
Try the advice others here gave you, you'll see!

Most importantly, however, talk to him about how you feel. Communication should be a top priority in a relationship. It makes you feel uncomfortable but it may be making him uncomfortable too. Make him feel that you're ok with whatever he is doing or he will try to keep it secret and he will be scared to express anything related to it. If I hadn't talked to my boyfriend about it, I wouldn't have found out all those things I mentioned before, and I'm glad I know them.

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-Guybrush Threepwood-
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01-10-2013, 11:45 AM
RE: Having trouble
(30-09-2013 06:45 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  
(30-09-2013 06:28 AM)Dom Wrote:  Besides, better he look at porn than real other women.

This is very true. I plan on being married for a long time, so I guess I've gotta see the bigger picture; which is being more open minded about porn.


Lady, I've been married for 25 years and my husband has looked at porn since I've known him. To me it's like masturbation. Ninety-nine percent of men masturbate and the one percent who don't are lying. All men look at porn. Hubby and I look at porn together and depending the film it can be a fun thing to do together. Sometimes though the production values are so horrible that it's more comical than a turn on.

I don't consider looking at porn as straying from me. He worships the ground I walk on and treats me like a queen and if he wants to look at some bimbo porn star that's fine with me. Even after all these years he opens the car door for me and brings me flowers, fixes stuff around the house that's broken, cooks and does the dishes. Porn? Hell, I really don't care if he looks at porn as long as he looks at me with the same endearing look he always has.

Shakespeare Insult 13 – Henry IV Part 1
“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?”
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01-10-2013, 01:11 PM
RE: Having trouble
(01-10-2013 11:45 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(30-09-2013 06:45 AM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  This is very true. I plan on being married for a long time, so I guess I've gotta see the bigger picture; which is being more open minded about porn.


Lady, I've been married for 25 years and my husband has looked at porn since I've known him. To me it's like masturbation. Ninety-nine percent of men masturbate and the one percent who don't are lying. All men look at porn. Hubby and I look at porn together and depending the film it can be a fun thing to do together. Sometimes though the production values are so horrible that it's more comical than a turn on.

I don't consider looking at porn as straying from me. He worships the ground I walk on and treats me like a queen and if he wants to look at some bimbo porn star that's fine with me. Even after all these years he opens the car door for me and brings me flowers, fixes stuff around the house that's broken, cooks and does the dishes. Porn? Hell, I really don't care if he looks at porn as long as he looks at me with the same endearing look he always has.

That is so sweet and extremely encouraging! Thanks for sharing! Smile
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01-10-2013, 03:08 PM
RE: Having trouble
Reading through this...I didn't see anyone mention it, so I figured I would. Get a little shitty, dial up some porn, and the both of you will be glowing from an amazing, inhibition-free experience for days. Sometimes if you loosen up the brain a bit (my fav is rum and coke), you'll do shit you didn't realize you wanted to do. Then...you'll stew on it, and go for another. My wife went to a private christian school...then to a private christian university. She is a filthy, dirty, completely monogamous slut.

Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata...hiding amongst the candy...hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!

---Master Tang---
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02-10-2013, 05:31 AM
RE: Having trouble
(01-10-2013 03:08 PM)LunchBox Wrote:  Reading through this...I didn't see anyone mention it, so I figured I would. Get a little shitty, dial up some porn, and the both of you will be glowing from an amazing, inhibition-free experience for days. Sometimes if you loosen up the brain a bit (my fav is rum and coke), you'll do shit you didn't realize you wanted to do. Then...you'll stew on it, and go for another. My wife went to a private christian school...then to a private christian university. She is a filthy, dirty, completely monogamous slut.

LOL Laugh out load I read this answer to my husband, and we both agree...you are hilarious.
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02-10-2013, 05:51 AM
RE: Having trouble
I am so glad I posted this thread! It has reassured me so much! Some of your answers has been a bit hard to swallow (that's what she said), but I needed to hear it!

I was talking to Joe (my hubs) and he paraphrased his favorite quote to me "Treat a man as he is, and he will become worse. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become better." ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

That quote made me feel both awful and solved all my insecurities at the same time. I felt awful because Joe pointed out I wasn't giving him the trust he deserved; I was treating him like he was some pervert I met at a bar. The quote solved my insecurity about him looking at porn because I realized that he isn't just some pervert, and I trust him explicitly.

So, thanks, everyone, for all your replies!
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02-10-2013, 06:59 AM
RE: Having trouble
Groovy! Glad you enjoyed the responses, and maybe even found a few to be helpful.


People still say 'groovy', right?

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02-10-2013, 07:01 AM
RE: Having trouble
(02-10-2013 06:59 AM)Dark Light Wrote:  Groovy! Glad you enjoyed the responses, and maybe even found a few to be helpful.


People still say 'groovy', right?

Only up in the hills 'n hollers. Drinking Beverage

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02-10-2013, 07:08 AM
RE: Having trouble
(02-10-2013 06:59 AM)Dark Light Wrote:  Groovy! Glad you enjoyed the responses, and maybe even found a few to be helpful.


People still say 'groovy', right?

Maybe you can be the one to bring the word groovy back!

And yes, many were very helpful. Definitely loved the thing you said about the 3 ways to deal with insecurity...genius! It stung a little when I first read it, but its cool now. Lol I'm gonna write an apology for my ego in my "sorry I didn't trust you and thought you were a pervert" letter to Joe. haha
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