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23-01-2017, 03:47 PM
Hello :)
I'm a 36 year old married mother of two and a coffee-aholic...Smile

I come from a charismatic Christian background with very sincere parents who homeschooled me and focused everything in my life around Jesus. I married and continued full steam ahead with ministry, not pursuing a career and dropping in and out of community college as necessary to keep ministry first.

I was attending church until two weeks ago. I lost my faith some time ago but was trying to pretend with myself and others, and that doesn't work so well. My husband finally asked me outright if I even believed in Christianity and I couldn't lie to him, so I fessed up and here I am. My children are 6 and 10, so they know that I am leaving the church due to some disagreements, but I haven't told them I am an atheist because I don't want to stress them out thinking their mother is going to burn in hell. I am hoping they will have their own questions as they get older and the topic will rise organically but, who ever knows how these things will turn out... I am hoping that my marriage will survive my deconversion, and I guess we shall see.

I have mental health problems that are currently very stable due to proper medication. These problems have often been attributed to demons in my circle of friends and family. About 5 or 6 years ago I had a mental health crisis that landed me in the hospital for an extended period of time, and I found that despite all my praying and "spiritual warfare" and worshiping, God wasn't coming to help me and I was by myself.

There are plenty of small things that have affected me leaving the faith, such as early myths of gods rising from the dead just like Jesus, etc. but one nail in the coffin is the whole topic of evolution. I was staunchly and diligently taught Ken Ham's version of "creationism" but I've found websites debunking that information, and when you believe in evolution, religion starts to unravel rather quickly. I looked into some Christians who believe in evolution, but found they could not reconcile it with the Bible in a way that was satisfactory to me.

I have a part time job at a Christian school which I have had to make plans to leave at the end of this school year. Luckily I have started another part time job that will be taking its place. I will be making less money but I can live with myself.

I'm currently pursuing a basic, foundational knowledge of philosophy from the beginning, just for my own enrichment as well as to borrow some ideas with which to build a world view. I am very bad with hard logic so I also look forward to coming here with questions and lurking on others' posts to learn things and gather information.

I have mixed feelings about all of this. On the one hand, I feel liberated and that life is my own. From another aspect I feel embarrassed that I am so uninformed and undecided about life and the world at the age of 36, but I'm choosing to forge ahead and not let that hold me back from exploring and experiencing what the rest of my life has to offer. Additionally, I am very sad about the community I have left behind, and situations with Christians who still come into contact with me are tense and awkward. I feel bad that they are so grieved and spend time worrying about me. I also feel relieved to let go of that kind of wasted time and effort.

So that's that. I look forward to conversing with members of the forum. Thanks for reading.
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23-01-2017, 04:08 PM
RE: Hello :)
Hi Phoenix, thanks for joining. We're glad you're here.
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23-01-2017, 04:09 PM
RE: Hello :)
Welcome!

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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23-01-2017, 04:10 PM
RE: Hello :)
Welcome!

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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23-01-2017, 05:05 PM
RE: Hello :)
Hello! Big Grin

https://www.ratemds.com/blog/is-death-wi...-to-drink/

http://www.paperspecs.com/paper-profiles...sh-coffee/

[Image: article-2382606-1B19D080000005DC-581_634x692.jpg]

[Image: Death-Wish-Coffee6.jpg]

I've the great pleasure of having had (Still have some in the house) Death Wish and Valhalla Java

Drooling
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23-01-2017, 05:26 PM
RE: Hello :)
I hope all works out to your satisfaction, Phoenix, but even if it all goes down in flames, you'll no doubt be born again, from the ashes. Tongue

Welcome to TTA! Shy

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23-01-2017, 05:31 PM
RE: Hello :)
Welcome aboard....

A small bit of advice.....

Don't replace with a religion of religion, with the dogma of the hardcore atheist.....

....

I consider myself a lapsed atheist..... It's like a regular atheist -- but without all the rules, regulations and strict structure that goes along with being a "devout" atheist......

....

In other words (kidding aside) -- don't take it all so seriously.....

People taking the religion so damned serious is what screwed it all up in the first place.

If they'd just gone along and kept it in mind that it's all just bedtime stories to keep the kids in line, the world would be a better place...

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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23-01-2017, 06:27 PM
RE: Hello :)
Hi Phoenix! Welcome to the forum.

Quote:These problems have often been attributed to demons in my circle of friends and family.

I knew a very sweet girl who was asked to leave her church because the little old ladies were certain that demons were causing her seizures. It goes without saying that this sort of hogshit gets right up my nose. I'm really sorry that you had to suffer through that.

Quote:There are plenty of small things that have affected me leaving the faith, such as early myths of gods rising from the dead just like Jesus, etc. but one nail in the coffin is the whole topic of evolution. I was staunchly and diligently taught Ken Ham's version of "creationism" but I've found websites debunking that information, and when you believe in evolution, religion starts to unravel rather quickly. I looked into some Christians who believe in evolution, but found they could not reconcile it with the Bible in a way that was satisfactory to me.

It's funny how that works. I know some moderate Christians who are geologists and wouldn't touch creationism with a red-hot poker. Given a more rational beginning, evolution and Christianity aren't incompatable but starting from a biblically literal framework the entire thing comes apart like a house of cards.

Quote:From another aspect I feel embarrassed that I am so uninformed and undecided about life and the world at the age of 36

Don't be. It's hardly your fault. The world is infinitely more amazing than any religion ever dreamt and you have all of that wondrous discovery ahead of you.

We have an evolutionary biologist or two and at least two geologists so don't feel shy if you have questions. I do geochronology if blasting zircons with lasers is your thing.

Good luck with your deconversion! Glad to hear it hasn't been too turbulent so far.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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23-01-2017, 06:33 PM
RE: Hello :)
Welcome!
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24-01-2017, 01:41 AM
RE: Hello :)
Welcome.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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