Hello, I am an atheist
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18-05-2011, 04:21 PM
Hello, I am an atheist
I am an American Atheist. Which of course means that I hold a strange grudge against Jesus Christ, who I secretly believe in, and have taken up an opposing position in Him simply so that I can sin more. Once I'm done with my raping, murdering, and drug use for the day, I usually eat a Christian baby before reading my Satanic Bible, because as we atheists all know, we claim to have no religious belief but actually secretly worship Satan.

And being an atheist, which is clearly a religion itself, I spend my free time trying to confuse pure, family-loving Christians with my science rhetoric and my Darwinism (even though Darwin admitted that evolution was wrong, shortly before his death). The reason I spend all day violently attacking innocent Christians is because I'm secretly jealous of them and their spiritual insight and hope to bring them down to my level.

And being that America is clearly a Christian Nation, my insane and unsupported views on life brand me not only a foreigner, but a terrorist as well; because my volatile pagan lifestyle may corrupt the hearts and minds of America's children, terrorizing them, and usually leading to suicide. The latest, unbiased polls showed that 99.98% of Americans are absolutely sure that there is a Christian God and also believe clergymen are more reputable than scientists because they are clearly the finger puppets of God and nothing else (even though some atheists did pretend to be priests so that they could molest children and ruin the long standing history of the church's infallibility).

I have no morals without the Ten Commandments to base them on, and my spiritually corrosive atheism is a hindrance to my values, logic, driving record, personal hygiene, and ability to react appropriately when someone sneezes.

And so I must apologize and will now kill myself, since my atheism removes any value, enjoyment, or purpose that life might otherwise offer me.


-End Scene-
I'm just so tired of hearing crazy shit about me that I decided to sum it all up with what I'm sure is Page 1 in the only book besides the Bible at Pat Robertson's School for Children.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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18-05-2011, 04:39 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
Wait... Are you an atheist and you dont eat babies? Big Grin

"The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world.”
-Georgia Harkness.

"La fe es patrimonio de los pendejos. (Faith is patrimony of the dumbfucks)."
-Diego Rivera
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18-05-2011, 04:55 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
(18-05-2011 04:39 PM)MasterRottweiler Wrote:  Wait... Are you an atheist and you dont eat babies? Big Grin

No no, I clearly mentioned my affinity for Christian baby flesh. AFTER I use their blood to smear on my body to cure myself of the horrible deformities I was born with, being that my atheism was already predetermined by the God I reject.

But hey, without evil there can be no good. And we are that necessary evil I guess.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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18-05-2011, 05:54 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
BC - if you were a true atheist you wouldn't have felt the need to apologize...

Just saying Wink

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18-05-2011, 06:17 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
(18-05-2011 05:54 PM)Seasbury Wrote:  BC - if you were a true atheist you wouldn't have felt the need to apologize...

Just saying Wink


Ah dammit, you're right. I mean I DON'T apologize, because I am so full of pride and smug satisfaction that even the kind words of helpful Christians are often twisted into a obscene distortion of lies, which I then dip into the tears of the innocent, which becomes crystallized (the tears and lies) and I use to pleasure myself anally, because all atheists are homosexual nazi apologists with an insatiable urge to sodomize corpses with an upside down crucifix made from the remains of Pontius Pilate's wooden dildo.

Better?

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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18-05-2011, 06:58 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
That was a good laugh, Thanks!Big Grin

“There is no sin except stupidity.” Oscar Wilde
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18-05-2011, 07:00 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
(18-05-2011 06:17 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Better?

Much better - thank you Tongue

Great read btw

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18-05-2011, 08:32 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
I am new to my acceptance of atheism. I have yet to hear any of these accusations myself, but I live in Oklahoma so it's only a matter of time. I have done very little speaking out until more recently.

"That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence."
— Christopher Hitchens
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18-05-2011, 09:08 PM
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
I got called an "immoral, flag hating, cultist fraud!" by a girlfriends dad once xD.... followed soon after by the girlfriend saying the same thing because she believed whatever daddy said.

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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18-05-2011, 10:00 PM (This post was last modified: 18-05-2011 10:18 PM by Efrx86.)
RE: Hello, I am an atheist
Don't forget that atheists don't oppose gay rights because they're minions of Satan as well.

PS: token cartoon:

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The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. "God did it." Anything we can't describe must have come from God. - George Carlin

Whenever I'm asked "What if you're wrong?", I always show the asker this video: http://youtu.be/iClejS8vWjo Screw Pascal's wager.
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