Hello everyone, as much I'd like to use my real name and make a more formal introduction; I've decided against it because for some reason, be it fear of becoming socially rejected if anyone found out I was athiest, or perhaps the fact that I'm not ready to identify myself an atheist yet.
Regardless I got to know this group through when one of the user's youtube videos reached the most popular on digg. I'm a 15 year old teenager who lives in a very diverse family. My mom is christen, baptizing me at the age of 7, and my dad is Buddhist. At a young age I began to wonder and question the legitimacy of the bible. I did still pray every night however, because I feared going to hell. When I realized that it was the only reason I continued to pray; I foresaw that I did not love God the same way I love my parents as my creator, I did not the depend on God as much as I depended my girlfriend and friends, and I did not trust the bible as much as I trusted academic sources. I always knew I was atheist, although I was never willing to admit it. I continued to go to church because I enjoyed being a community, and in fact I'm currently the official public spokesperson for my church. It's ironic I'm a non believer and I'm also a leader at the church, but I like what my church does for the homeless and the people in need. What we really need to create houses of science, where people can discuss scientific advancements and enjoy each other's company. Imagine what our bright minds can accomplish in means of helping others! Morals are a choice not a religion, I totally agree with that!
Now that you know a little more about me; I can go on a little about my troubles. I'm no longer feared by the possibility of hell. But I am afraid of fully admitting myself as an atheist. What life would it be without a God? Without a heaven? Are we all just creatures striving for materialistic pleasure? I find it hard to keep an optimistic view on life if this is the only life we ever have. We live in a society that drives us to work and compete. I throw away my enjoyment and dwell on studies. I miss the chances to experience many things in my life for education. In the end what does education bring me? Money? Fame? Status? What use are those things in the end if they promise me no happiness other then temporary satisfaction?
As you can see, I'm very confused. Thanks for reading my thoughts, any comments and replies are appreciated!