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10-10-2012, 03:56 PM
Help?
So...I'm writing an paper for my English class on "role models for today's young people." Being a person who likes to write and talk about very controversial things, I chose to do mine on Christopher Hitchens. We are using a website to score our essays, and I have a 6 out of 6 on everything except for organization and sentence fluency. I realize that my paper is sort of on the short side, and I'd like to make it longer. Advice and additions would be greatly appreciated, as well as any factual corrections (because, yes, of course, this is completely factualTongue).

This is my essay as it stands:

Quote:
Christopher Eric Hitchens, a British American author, journalist, and public speaker, exhibited inspiring wit, intelligence, and rhetoric throughout his life and career. Hitchens, a firm believer in values such as secularism, humanism, and reason, demonstrated his views as an anti-theist in a very unabashed way. Before his death in 2011, he wrote twelve books, as well as five sets of essays, and actively participated in debates, talk shows, and lecture circuits. Within his life, Christopher Hitchens came to be one of the most influential and powerful advocates for atheism that world had to offer.

Born in in Portsmouth, England, he moved to America in 1981 at the age of 58 to pursue his career in journalism. There he worked as an editor for Vanity Fair, writing ten columns a year. His work allowed him to win the National Magazine Award twice, once in 2007 and again in 2011. He became a strong advocate of the war in Iraq and gained a wide readership in doing so. In September 2005, he was named one of the top 100 public intellectuals by Foreign Policy and Prospect magazine. He also served on the Advisory Board of Secular Coalition for America, offering advice for acceptance of secularism in America.

Christopher Hitchens wrote many books, most of which criticized politicians or advocated anti-theism. Some of his most famous works include God is not Great and Letters to a Young Contrarian. In God is not Great, Christopher Hitchens pushed the idea of religion as a poison to society. This book, published on May 1, 2007, reached the top of the New York Times bestseller list within three weeks. He received extreme heat from the religious crowd for this and many of his other works, but he refused to back down or apologize for stating his opinion.

Debate revealed itself to be, arguably, Christopher Hitchen's greatest strength. While debating, he became as dangerous as a circling shark. Armed with his deep, smooth voice and rich, extensive vocabulary, he beat down opponents with especially intelligent, strong, and witty points, known by his fans as "Hitchslaps." He went head to head with well-known religious apologists, such as Al Sharpton and Douglas Wilson. His blunt attitude and sarcastic humor forced listeners to consider his point of view, embedding in them the secularism and humanism that he felt so strongly about and creating many an atheist.

In the end, Hitchen's destructive lifestyle came back to haunt him. In 2011 at the age of 62, he was brought down by his esophageal cancer, a result of his lifelong drinking and smoking. With his death, a tidal wave of influential force vanished from the world. Atheists lost a powerful ally; theists lost a fierce enemy. For both sides, though, one thing is certain: he will be remembered.

"Leave the atom alone."
-E.Y. Harburgh
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10-10-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: Help?
I don't know what it is... maybe the language that you're using... but it kind of has the feel as if you're trying to make me like Hitchens and make me consider him as a role model; instead of presenting the information in such a way that I come to that conclusion on my own.

Can't really put my finger on it.

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10-10-2012, 04:02 PM (This post was last modified: 10-10-2012 06:48 PM by DreamWeaver.)
RE: Help?
(10-10-2012 04:01 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  I don't know what it is... maybe the language that you're using... but it kind of has the feel as if you're trying to make me like Hitchens and make me consider him as a role model; instead of presenting the information in such a way that I come to that conclusion on my own.

Can't really put my finger on it.

Erm...That's sort of what I'm supposed to do?

Maybe its all the action verbs. I have to skip around using being verbs.

"Leave the atom alone."
-E.Y. Harburgh
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10-10-2012, 06:19 PM
RE: Help?
Use a quote or two to pad it out.

Finish with the red one...

http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...#pid181260

And why not do a comparison with Robert Green Ingersoll... can you imagine the impact of that dude if he had youtube in his day?

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10-10-2012, 07:21 PM
RE: Help?
(10-10-2012 06:19 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Use a quote or two to pad it out.

Finish with the red one...

Thank you, I added it in.

Now I just have to work on sentence fluency....

"Leave the atom alone."
-E.Y. Harburgh
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