Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
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21-06-2013, 02:40 AM
Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
I am 31 years old. I have come out of a 12 year relationship (7 married) that ended without warning in July of 2012. I was never unfaithful. My wife just found a person that she wanted more than me.

I am not proud of it, but when our relationship ended, I was dating someone a month after we separated. Someone I met on a dating website August of 2012. I know how this sounds, but when she left me to live with her boyfriend in July, I was in a sorry state. I should never have been dating. But, I had never been alone and I was distraught. Also, I had never been with another woman. She was my first love and my first time. I didn't know what to do. Set out to just get laid with no strings attached, but instead I found a wonderful girl.

The catch is this-- she believes in God and I do not. She has 2 children and I have a son. I recently touched on this issue with her. Basically we agreed to let each other and our children be.

I am still apprehensive. I do not want to get my son involved with her and her family if it is doomed to failure. I tend to think of religious people as being volatile, even though she has shown herself to be an understanding and kind and loving person.

Your own experience and your educated insight would be greatly appreciated. I can give more details. it's just that the story is already too long and the particulars, though relevant, would turn this into a book.

Please, your own experiences would be greatly appreciated.

"The problem with faith is that it really is a conversation stopper. Faith is a declaration of immunity to the powers of conversation. It is a reason why you do not have to give reasons for what you believe." - Sam Harris
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21-06-2013, 12:34 PM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
I do not recommend it, IMO, hardly ever works, especially if she is "born again", sorry Undecided

I only speak two languages, English and bad English...

Why Won't God Heal Amputees ?
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21-06-2013, 12:41 PM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
As with every relationship it depends on the people involved. If you are both respectful of each other things can work. Depending on the level of theism it may never really be an issue or it could be a row almost daily.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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21-06-2013, 05:13 PM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
If the person you are with now is someone you care about and want to be with, don't let religion stand in the way. It doesn't make sense to throw away a relationship because of what issues might come up in the future. It sounds like you've discussed this with her, and she is willing to work with you. That's about as good as you can get when it comes to contentious issues in a relationship, in my experience.
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21-06-2013, 06:05 PM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
Yeah, I think it depends on the people involved and how much each is willing to respect/tolerate the other's views. If one is out to convert the other by force, problems could happen. The problem with a lot of theists is they think everyone else is going to hell, so they think they're doing people a favor by trying to convert them. And many theists in a relationship with an atheist may be extremely into converting the other person, because they think the person will burn forever in hell if they don't. So I think it all depends on how religious the other person is.
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21-06-2013, 06:38 PM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
did you happen to listen to Seth's latest podcast? It was on this topic.

I am married to a believer. We are respectful towards each others views. Neither of us push our views on each other. I'm ok with him being a believer and he's ok with me being an atheist. And in the day to day things-it doesn't come up much. You be you- I'll be me.

As for the kids- we don't attend church--I just teach them to be logical, critical thinkers. And we do alot of explaining of things with different viewpoints. Some people believe _______, some other people believe _____, other people believe ______, what do you think and why? Here's what I think and why.

at the end of the day, the kids learn to think for themselves and learn that others might believe differently, but you need to look at the reasons behind it.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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22-06-2013, 05:36 AM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
SB, I agree that it can work as I'm in a relationship with a Christian. As for the "if it's doomed to failure" part, well, you don't know if it since none of us can tell the future. It depends on how well it's going so far (sounds like very well), whether timing is right to involve your son, which issue may not have everything to do with religion.

You're not likely to meet someone you agree with on everything. What matters is what you both value. For example, my BF is honest, caring, and we grew up similarly (both southern, came of age in the late 70s/early 80s, like much of the same music, parents have met and are wonderful). However, I'm a political moderate atheist, and he's a conservative Christian. Neither of us is likely to change on this. But we have so much else that we do like and have in common. Our core values are about living the life you want, having autonomy and independence, honesty, loyalty, sharing a mutual dislike of drama queen stuff, both would much rather sit and pick guitar than clean fanatically lol, etc., so our vales are very similar. You get the idea.

If you two geehaw well in every other area, then you probably don't want to chuck it. It's hard to find someone who isn't out to just use you, who is not a nut job, and that you enjoy being with.

Anyhow that's MHO. I hope this is some food for thought. Good luck with the new relationship and enjoy the dating part. You don't have to plan your whole lives at this point.

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22-06-2013, 06:59 AM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
(22-06-2013 05:36 AM)cjs Wrote:  SB, I agree that it can work as I'm in a relationship with a Christian. As for the "if it's doomed to failure" part, well, you don't know if it since none of us can tell the future. It depends on how well it's going so far (sounds like very well), whether timing is right to involve your son, which issue may not have everything to do with religion.

You're not likely to meet someone you agree with on everything. What matters is what you both value. For example, my BF is honest, caring, and we grew up similarly (both southern, came of age in the late 70s/early 80s, like much of the same music, parents have met and are wonderful). However, I'm a political moderate atheist, and he's a conservative Christian. Neither of us is likely to change on this. But we have so much else that we do like and have in common. Our core values are about living the life you want, having autonomy and independence, honesty, loyalty, sharing a mutual dislike of drama queen stuff, both would much rather sit and pick guitar than clean fanatically lol, etc., so our vales are very similar. You get the idea.

If you two geehaw well in every other area, then you probably don't want to chuck it. It's hard to find someone who isn't out to just use you, who is not a nut job, and that you enjoy being with.

Anyhow that's MHO. I hope this is some food for thought. Good luck with the new relationship and enjoy the dating part. You don't have to plan your whole lives at this point.

That was an excellent post cjs!

Diety Free in Dixieland
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22-06-2013, 07:55 AM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
Thanks my friend.

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23-06-2013, 02:12 PM
RE: Help! Atheist + Believer. Can it work?
27 years now this atheist been married to a Catholic. ... But I am not at all sure Catholics qualify as Christian. ... Consider

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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