Help With Relationships

[Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day]

Do you can picture me well; I'll describe myself.
I'm of six feet total in height, with a weight of one-hundred and eighty-five pounds. My skin tone is somewhere between the border of fair and pale; while both of my eyes have an oak-brown coloring surrounding the pupils, surrounded by a forest-green covering, and thus followed by a dark-green border (and obviously, after that, eye white).
My torso, though large, is thin in proportion. It is surrounded by four thin, strong limbs.
My hair, much like my eyes, is oak colored, but natural, light-brown highlights accompany it. My nose its medium-sized, and so are my lips; and my face is oval-shaped.
My problem its that I can't seem to be able to build up a relationship with my fellow peers. I an thirteen years of age, yet I have never experienced a true relationship with a female. I want to make a change.
But it just seems that most kids my age aren't interested in the same things that I'm into.
For example, I'm somewhat interested in paleoanthropology, while most kids I know are uninterested in such a subject.
I also try to keep track of this dumb 'culture war' that's going on right now.
I'm also keeping a lookout for when religious fuckwits pose a danger to human advancement.
Since some of you here have been in relationships in the past, could you give me some advice on relationships.
Also, this is the first time I've publicly announced this on the forums, but I have a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome, so that definitely won't help.

[Misanthropik]

You're 13. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 18. Then, I didn't have my first real relationship until I was 20.

Relationships are not purely the constant joy of being with someone you like every day. They are hard work. It's easy to sit around and enjoy the things that you enjoy, but when you enter a relationship, you're taking on an additional person. A person with possibly similar, but also very different desires, hopes and interests. A person who may call upon you for support when all you want to do is collapse onto the couch with a beer, or turn the light off after a long day and go to sleep. A person who may not agree with everything you do or say, and may be vocal about these disagreements; sometimes culminating in a heated argument.

What's more, you may go through multiple partners before you find someone who is as compatible with you as the hypothetical person I've just described. Before you find that person, the odds are high that you will experience partners who are not just unpleasant to be with, but who are actually bad for you as an individual. Partners who will be too clingy; which, superficially, sounds like a good time - someone who needs you. That can be a good feeling...at first. Then the novelty of being needed wears off when you realize that you're literally devoting everything that you are to that person. They slowly become like a tumor you keep trying to cut off, but somehow, keeps growing back. You'll also find partners who are simply using you to whatever means they see fit. They don't really feel anything for you, but they're with you because they just like being with someone (at which point, you could be anybody and they wouldn't care), or because you lovingly cater to them and they like the attention, or because being with you makes one of their ex's jealous, or perhaps they're with you simply because you're something to do in an otherwise boring life. You'll also find people who will hurt you more than you ever thought you could be hurt. People who's mental and emotional torment lead you to attempt drastic things that, at the moment, you wouldn't dream of doing. People who can literally change who you are as a person, the way a vicious wound changes the structure of your skin. People who will make you wonder why you ever longed for companionship in the first place.

If you experience and overcome all of these things, however, you may happen upon the person who is "right" for you. And once again, that person will have different opinions; different interests; different mood patterns (when you're in a good mood, she's feeling depressed - when she wants to hang out, you want to be alone, etc); and in time, regardless of how lovely the relationship was in the very begining when endorphins and Oxytocin were coarsing through your blood; small cracks will appear in the foundation. You'll argue occasionally. You'll find that you don't say "I love you" as much as you used to. You're no longer trying to impress one another. The thrill and adventure of courtship are over, and now you're two people who live with one another. There isn't the constant excitement your young mind thinks there will be. There isn't that warm tingly feeling you imagine will pervade your being. That was short-lived, and has long-since come and gone. If you're lucky, you'll find a person in whom you can fully trust (which is paradoxical, because such a person does not truly exist), and upon whom you can lean in times of duress. But that's it. It'll be a partnership. Two people who are used to one another and who live together every day.

Right now, you're 13. Life is new and open and exciting. You're curious about everything and you want to stick your finger into every cake you can find and see what it tastes like. This truly is the best time of your life - even if you can't wait to get away from it. That's not to say that life gets worse. Life can be extremely enjoyable if you have the courage and the means to pursue what makes you happy. I'm in my twenties; I work at a gym where I get to work out all day; assuming I needed to go to work at all that day (unless a client wants a session, there's no professional need to go). When I come home, I can watch TV, or call one of my "special" friends over to have a little fun. I've been through what you desire to attain - the complexity of a relationship - and decided it wasn't for me. Now I'm enjoying life the way I see fit; and unless I get hit by a bus tomorrow, there is much more potential I intend to pursue. So, when I say that "this is the best time of your life", it doesn't mean that thing will get worse. What it means is that you're at the very begining - much more so than I - and you have much to endeavor toward and to learn and to experience. At this point, you should be more concerned about enjoying life than seeking a partnership. Imagine everything that you enjoy about life right now; with another person literally chained to your waist the whole time. No matter how much you like (or love) that person, they are chained to you.

You simply have to trust me when I say that, tempting though it may be, it's not a burden you want right now. And I promise you, you will see a drastic change in yourself over the course of the next decade or more. You will look back on being 13 and shake your head at the things you used to think and feel and desire. It doesn't seem that way now, but it will occur.

Just enjoy life, bro. You wont be 13 forever.

Edit: If an additional concern is peer-relationships (rather than romantic ones), it should be noted that the same advice applies...just with less lovey-dovey crap.

[Red Tornado]

You're 13, you should be worrying about video games or something. And also, with the attitude you have (the aggressive nature you've shown on the forums) you won't be very appealing as a date choice.

Just focus on being 13 for now, when you're older then you can worry about dating. You're only a kid for so long.

[Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day]

(12-01-2013 06:17 PM)Red Tornado Wrote:  You're 13, you should be worrying about video games or something. And also, with the attitude you have (the aggressive nature you've shown on the forums) you won't be very appealing as a date choice.

Just focus on being 13 for now, when you're older then you can worry about dating. You're only a kid for so long.

My aggressive attitude?
I'm only that way because I'm dissatisfied with the fact that most people are stupid fucks who refuse to let go of their childish fantasies because their minds have been warped by threats of eternal damnation.
I'm usually calm and passive in the real world, but I have to get all of that frustration out somehow.

[Chas]

(12-01-2013 06:31 PM)Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day Wrote:  

(12-01-2013 06:17 PM)Red Tornado Wrote:  You're 13, you should be worrying about video games or something. And also, with the attitude you have (the aggressive nature you've shown on the forums) you won't be very appealing as a date choice.

Just focus on being 13 for now, when you're older then you can worry about dating. You're only a kid for so long.

My aggressive attitude?
I'm only that way because I'm dissatisfied with the fact that most people are stupid fucks who refuse to let go of their childish fantasies because their minds have been warped by threats of eternal damnation.
I'm usually calm and passive in the real world, but I have to get all of that frustration out somehow.

We prefer calm and rational, or fun and playful, or snide and ironic here. Take the aggressive crap out somewhere else.

You'll have more fun and more rep that way.

[bemore]

Id say if you want to rage about stuff then do it in the ranting room.

With regards to relationships.... The fun is in the learning, Just be yourself.

[cheapthrillseaker]

If you piss on people online and ask them how to get the girl, you will get this sort of advice: stop being aggressive (which includes online), and you stand a chance at landing a first date.

And blaming it on Christians is just a scapegoat and you're not owning up to your actions. Which also will ruin your chances for getting a first date.

You're not really open to advice at all if you're doing is shooting people down. Bad form, Reid. I would have thought you would have been more open minded than this.

[Hobbitgirl]

(12-01-2013 06:31 PM)Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day Wrote:  

(12-01-2013 06:17 PM)Red Tornado Wrote:  You're 13, you should be worrying about video games or something. And also, with the attitude you have (the aggressive nature you've shown on the forums) you won't be very appealing as a date choice.

Just focus on being 13 for now, when you're older then you can worry about dating. You're only a kid for so long.

(12-01-2013 06:31 PM)Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day Wrote:  My aggressive attitude?
I'm only that way because I'm dissatisfied with the fact that most people are stupid fucks who refuse to let go of their childish fantasies because their minds have been warped by threats of eternal damnation.
I'm usually calm and passive in the real world, but I have to get all of that frustration out somehow.

What you'll learn when you're old like me....is the best way to make change is to lead by example.

If you go around screaming "I'm an atheist therefore I'm better than you, and youre a "fucking moron" or whatever for being a christian" What do you think they are going to think of you? Or worse, assume atheists are like? Would you want to reconsider your way of thinking if what youre being offered is agressive and mean spirited?


Just food for thought.


Don't get me wrong. Sometimes you have to be aggressive. But that should never be your leading foot.

But thats not the point of your post. My best dating advice (and I have terrible luck dating so you may not want to take it) Is just be yourself. Do the things you love and you'll eventually attract someone who likes that.

[Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day]

(12-01-2013 06:45 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  

(12-01-2013 06:31 PM)Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day Wrote:  

(12-01-2013 06:31 PM)Refuting_Ignorance_Every_Day Wrote:  My aggressive attitude?
I'm only that way because I'm dissatisfied with the fact that most people are stupid fucks who refuse to let go of their childish fantasies because their minds have been warped by threats of eternal damnation.
usually calm and passive in the real world, but I have to get all of that frustration out somehow.

What you'll learn when you're old like me....is the best way to make change is to lead by example.

If you go around screaming "I'm an atheist therefore I'm better than you, and youre a "fucking moron" or whatever for being a christian" What do you think they are going to think of you? Or worse, assume atheists are like? Would you want to reconsider your way of thinking if what youre being offered is agressive and mean spirited?


Just food for thought.


Don't get me wrong. Sometimes you have to be aggressive. But that should never be your leading foot.

But thats not the point of your post. My best dating advice (and I have terrible luck dating so you may not want to take it) Is just be yourself. Do the things you love and you'll eventually attract someone who likes that.

I've tried. :'C

[kim]

Stop trying to be so much like what you think an adult is like. You are the age you are -13- go with that and enjoy it while you can. And don't be so damn serious. Just concentrate on the stuff you like and loosen up a bit.


Adults don't always have the best of relationships - some people don't even begin to have definite relationships until their twenties - sometimes thirties! Relationships aren't something you can plan, they might happen or they won't... you just have to go with the flow.



***
If you are comfortable with just being yourself and enjoy the things you are interested in, others will see this and want to hang with a positive person.
Remember, the only thing you can control is yourself; that's all, no one else.


And smile more - other people's moms like that shit.

Now, I have stuff to do so fuck off.