Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
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21-01-2012, 10:44 PM (This post was last modified: 21-01-2012 10:54 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
(21-01-2012 09:41 PM)Dynastes Wrote:  Huh.. interesting. You're right, I don't think depressing is the right word. I guess since I love nature so much, the thought of not being able to enjoy the awe of it all anymore seems rather overwhelming. I don't necessarily fear death, but I am pretty curious, and I certainly don't want to die yet. Anyway, hopefully I can gain some good insights from the forum Smile

You'll be food for your bugs soon enough, as it should be.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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22-01-2012, 12:23 AM (This post was last modified: 22-01-2012 12:27 AM by kim.)
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
(21-01-2012 06:40 PM)Dynastes Wrote:  Apparently my mom pays attention to browser history now (?), because today she asked if I was the one visiting this site. (I forgot she uses this computer Dodgy ) I admitted it, (I hate lying) but I only said I was reading some stuff. So I kinda dodged her questions until she left.

She asked if I didn't believe in God anymore. I kind of ignored that question, but I think she might be catching on to me. I'm not sure how she is taking it / will take it. She seemed kinda depressed when she asked, yet she was pretty calm. Maybe she would tolerate my beliefs, ( I would hope) but I feel like it could hurt our relationship.

And I need to say, at least to get it off my chest:
That was scary as hell. I wanted to freaking die when she mentioned this stuff. Sad I am such a weak person!!! Sad
I'm still not sure what she thinks, but I'm a little rattled. Undecided

Hmm. Uh, your Mom... guess what? She's a woman.
That translates to: She knows. Oh, she may not completely know all the details but, she knows.

As for the relationship; it might hurt your relationship for a bit... but not really. You are her baby. Plain and simple - nothing is going to hurt that relationship -ever.
Now... that's not to say she won't be stung by a change in that relationship. Not many people like stuff to change too rapidly -especially Theists. Theists want stuff to stay the same-forever-that's why God.

She not only sees this as you growing up, but she may also see this as you growing away from her. Both of which may be true, but no mother wants to be slapped with that from her own kid. If there is any confrontation, let her come to you. She is only concerned for you and your state of being -how ever she might see that. Her gut instinct is your protection(how people will react to you/you going to hell/the usual Theist fear stuff) Go easy on her -she's Mom. But know this: she will get through it- and so will you.

I'll bet you were rattled! Confused Felt like a criminal, did ya? You're not. You have a right to your feelings of unbelief, and you are a strong person for that very reason.

As for questions that may arise; keep it calm & simple. It's none of anyone's business what you believe. Don't tell anyone anything unless they ask. Then be direct and honest: you are searching for what is right for you.
No one is going to believe something they just don't believe. It really is as simple as that.
___________

Like I said earlier in the thread, you are in a unique position to reassure your Mom & family that you love them... which has nothing to do with God or religion.

Now go forth young Dynastes... and be the goofy, bug loving, 16 year old, non-Theist you have every right to be.
And smile more -Moms love that shit. Big Grin

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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22-01-2012, 12:27 AM
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
(21-01-2012 08:20 PM)Dynastes Wrote:  
(21-01-2012 07:38 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  Well, that ain't exactly true. Theism is traditionally more the position of weakness; it takes strength of character to stand against the current paradigm.

That's true, thanks. I wish I could just stand up for my beliefs now.

Patience, grasshopper. What are your beliefs? Do they require the sacrifice of family? It may seem simple to state that god does not exist, but what is easy to forget is that god must exist in the identity of the theist. That is most often what is feared by the parent, the denial of their identity in the child; so many don't even bother to think beyond the dogma of religion to see themselves as made of word. Concepts formed from words.

There is no requirement in atheism that atheist become the word of your being; atheism is more of an understanding that god is a word of limits. One must take care in questioning the limits of another. Parents always desire to be the gods of their children; children inevitably become gods in themselves.

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22-01-2012, 10:48 AM
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
I absolutely admire young people! You, and many on this forum, are so inspiring!

I'll confess, as an adult I have not told my parents what I think. I am too scared, too. But, the family dynamics in my situation don't really press me to tell either... we don't really have any activities I'm expected to be a part of except the occasional prayer before a meal or a wedding or funeral.



(22-01-2012 12:23 AM)kim Wrote:  I'll bet you were rattled! Confused Felt like a criminal, did ya? You're not. You have a right to your feelings of unbelief, and you are a strong person for that very reason.


This is so exactly right! You are doing nothing wrong, and there is nothing wrong with your feelings. I WISH someone had told me this when I was new at atheism.

For any questions I ever had or have to answer, especially if I'm uncomfortable, I just say I am trying to figure out the truth. It's perfect because a religious person will think that if you seek the truth you will find God, because to them that is the truth. No one can deny that it is wrong to find out the truth. Truth is so pure. If you feel up for it, what I did then was often ask the person's thought on the matter. People are usually so eager to explain what they think or believe and to get others to align that they think it is the best thing ever and the pressure would be off you.

You have a great mom, checking up on you like that on the computer. She cares about you.

Welcome to the forum!
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22-01-2012, 03:14 PM
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
(22-01-2012 12:23 AM)kim Wrote:  
(21-01-2012 06:40 PM)Dynastes Wrote:  Apparently my mom pays attention to browser history now (?), because today she asked if I was the one visiting this site. (I forgot she uses this computer Dodgy ) I admitted it, (I hate lying) but I only said I was reading some stuff. So I kinda dodged her questions until she left.

She asked if I didn't believe in God anymore. I kind of ignored that question, but I think she might be catching on to me. I'm not sure how she is taking it / will take it. She seemed kinda depressed when she asked, yet she was pretty calm. Maybe she would tolerate my beliefs, ( I would hope) but I feel like it could hurt our relationship.

And I need to say, at least to get it off my chest:
That was scary as hell. I wanted to freaking die when she mentioned this stuff. Sad I am such a weak person!!! Sad
I'm still not sure what she thinks, but I'm a little rattled. Undecided

Hmm. Uh, your Mom... guess what? She's a woman.
That translates to: She knows. Oh, she may not completely know all the details but, she knows.

As for the relationship; it might hurt your relationship for a bit... but not really. You are her baby. Plain and simple - nothing is going to hurt that relationship -ever.
Now... that's not to say she won't be stung by a change in that relationship. Not many people like stuff to change too rapidly -especially Theists. Theists want stuff to stay the same-forever-that's why God.

She not only sees this as you growing up, but she may also see this as you growing away from her. Both of which may be true, but no mother wants to be slapped with that from her own kid. If there is any confrontation, let her come to you. She is only concerned for you and your state of being -how ever she might see that. Her gut instinct is your protection(how people will react to you/you going to hell/the usual Theist fear stuff) Go easy on her -she's Mom. But know this: she will get through it- and so will you.

I'll bet you were rattled! Confused Felt like a criminal, did ya? You're not. You have a right to your feelings of unbelief, and you are a strong person for that very reason.

As for questions that may arise; keep it calm & simple. It's none of anyone's business what you believe. Don't tell anyone anything unless they ask. Then be direct and honest: you are searching for what is right for you.
No one is going to believe something they just don't believe. It really is as simple as that.
___________

Like I said earlier in the thread, you are in a unique position to reassure your Mom & family that you love them... which has nothing to do with God or religion.

Now go forth young Dynastes... and be the goofy, bug loving, 16 year old, non-Theist you have every right to be.
And smile more -Moms love that shit. Big Grin

Yeah, I thought she might know. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. Blush

You guys are awesome Big Grin
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23-01-2012, 12:12 AM
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
Kim stated it perfectly.

Your mom loves you and I believe no matter what you tell her she will continue to do so. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and a great mind. Don't be in fear of what others think. You must remember that you are who you are. You shouldn't live a lie for anyone and be proud of your knowledge. You have decided on believing in yourself rather than believing in a deity and even though Atheism does not promise a genocidal father or some clouds. We can offer information that makes much more sense.

Just remember to eat your fair share of infants. We need to keep up our image of what the religious think of us.

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy

The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason.” -Benjamin Franklin

It has been a long time. How have you been?
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23-01-2012, 09:25 PM
Exclamation RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
Guys, I honestly don't know what to do. I'm having a breakdown. Today my dad asked me about my faithful because he told me that my mom told him I'm having doubts. I didn't say much, because I didn't know what to say. But my dad explained his faith, and it made me want to die. He basically used circular Christian logic: god is all powerful, the bibles says so etc. Even worse, he said that he would be wasting his life if there was no god because he works for the church. I want to die. How can I ever say my true feelings?
so I sit here not sure to cry or have a violent out burst. My parents have this aight blocked on our computers, so I'm not sure his often I can respond anymore. Honestly I know they love me, but I am pissed. Beyond so. I feel caged, and I can't even express it. This is one if the worst moments of m life paired along with my finals in school and extracurricular activities. Please help, I felt beyond desperate. I trust you guys now..
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24-01-2012, 01:45 PM
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
(23-01-2012 09:25 PM)Dynastes Wrote:  Guys, I honestly don't know what to do. I'm having a breakdown. Today my dad asked me about my faithful because he told me that my mom told him I'm having doubts. I didn't say much, because I didn't know what to say. But my dad explained his faith, and it made me want to die. He basically used circular Christian logic: god is all powerful, the bibles says so etc. Even worse, he said that he would be wasting his life if there was no god because he works for the church. I want to die. How can I ever say my true feelings?
so I sit here not sure to cry or have a violent out burst. My parents have this aight blocked on our computers, so I'm not sure his often I can respond anymore. Honestly I know they love me, but I am pissed. Beyond so. I feel caged, and I can't even express it. This is one if the worst moments of m life paired along with my finals in school and extracurricular activities. Please help, I felt beyond desperate. I trust you guys now..

Don't panic... if you have to, just plaster on the smile, silently nod, and get through it. Many times, that is how things must be handled in order to keep the peace. This is not at all unusual behavior for people just trying to survive the everyday grind of a job. Being an adult isn't as glamorous as it seems, huh? Undecided

Keep saying to yourself inside your mind: They are only talking to me. They are not putting a gun to my head, this is just talk. This will be over soon, and I can go about my business. Just stay calm, tune them out.... that's all I have to do.

You are fine. Your Dad has his own beliefs and that is fine - he is a different person than you. It is ok for one person to have entirely different beliefs than another person; it is healthy.

As previously noted: You are searching for what is right for you. If you feel a need to say anything about your beliefs to your Dad or Mom at all, let them know that; You are searching for what is right for You.

Say, but do not shout; I am searching for what is right for Me.
***
Even though you are strong, this is a vulnerable time for you and your parents. They will try to bombard you with their faith talks. At this time, you just have to put yourself on automatic pilot and go through the motions of everyday life. Be civil. Sorry, but you are still under their roof, so be civil.

Possibly get into running or something physical, where you can take care of your body while giving your mind time to think. Just to be inside yourself can help you sort through your feelings. (I use running as an example because it's cheap -free- weight training is just as good.)
Nothing wrong with being healthy and getting into the bod!! Also, you will be able to think about physical fitness while you tune out getting talked at by your parents. Healthy body - healthy mind. Wink

Now is the time for you to develop your internal dialogue to keep your thoughts and feelings away from your parents. If necessary, keep a journal -and keep it out of your parents' reach. Realize that 2 years will pass quickly if you focus on your school and extracurricular activities.

Tell yourself: They can open my mouth, and spoon can after can of ________ down my throat and even force me to swallow, but it will probably just make me hate ________ even more. Anything that is forced will backfire.
(I couldn't decide if I should input chocolate pudding or lima beans -either way- the metaphor works. Cool )

Come to this site only on public computers and don't forget to go up to history and delete and/or dump cache.

Heart You are ok. Find your calm inside. Hang in there - 2 years is a drop in the bucket. You have the rest of your life to be free. Smile

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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24-01-2012, 07:32 PM
RE: Help/ advice for a fairly new-comer to atheism
I'm sorry I didn't notice this thread before. It's highly highly likely your parents will now be reading this thread and any other things that you post.

If by chance they do read this I would urge them to give you the freedom to explore your feelings on your own. Your beliefs are your business and it's not right to prevent you from being yourself even if it doesn't agree with their theology. We live in a world where there are 7 billion of us and growing and if as human beings we can't learn when to give each other space we are going to have huge problems. That ideal has to start at home.

For Dynastes you are living under your parents roof. I would suggest to honestly just let it drop at this point and keep in mind that you may be asked to partake in prayer and church as part of living with your parents. It does get better once your on your own but you have to respect the rules of the household. That being said don't be afraid to ask simple questions if your parents continue to prod you about what you beleive. The fact that they are restricting your access to information is horrible and not a good sign but you are not crazy and you are not the only person out there who feels the way you do.
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