Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
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16-05-2017, 05:58 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 05:54 AM)morondog Wrote:  All those times you were in the loo jerkin' the gherkin, while your Dad patiently waited to take a crap, Jesus died for *you*.
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16-05-2017, 06:55 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 05:05 AM)morondog Wrote:  3000 years from now I bet there'll be legends of Jesus the computer whiz.
And behold, when Jesus rose up from before his terminal, the virus had disappeared from computers all over the world, even unto the ends of the earth. And his disciples did prostrate themselves, saying, 'Truly, you are the Chosen One.' And Jesus saith unto them, 'Blessed are you who see, and believe. More blessed still are those who do not see, and yet believe.'
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16-05-2017, 07:10 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 06:55 AM)mordant Wrote:  
(16-05-2017 05:05 AM)morondog Wrote:  3000 years from now I bet there'll be legends of Jesus the computer whiz.
And behold, when Jesus rose up from before his terminal, the virus had disappeared from computers all over the world, even unto the ends of the earth. And his disciples did prostrate themselves, saying, 'Truly, you are the Chosen One.' And Jesus saith unto them, 'Blessed are you who see, and believe. More blessed still are those who do not see, and yet believe.'

And the blessedest of all are those who check the SHA-256 signatures of my scriptures to verify that some sneaky bastard hasn't tampered with them.

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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16-05-2017, 07:15 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 06:55 AM)mordant Wrote:  
(16-05-2017 05:05 AM)morondog Wrote:  3000 years from now I bet there'll be legends of Jesus the computer whiz.
And behold, when Jesus rose up from before his terminal, the virus had disappeared from computers all over the world, even unto the ends of the earth. And his disciples did prostrate themselves, saying, 'Truly, you are the Chosen One.' And Jesus saith unto them, 'Blessed are you who see, and believe. More blessed still are those who do not see, and yet believe.'

"...and he did'th convert the persons floppy disk into a USB device. 'Behold, turn it off and back on again, for I am the lord', said'th he."

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16-05-2017, 08:14 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 04:49 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  I remember hearing a story in school about Mr Christ, from when he was first born.

The story, roughly as this was about 24 years ago for me, revolves around roman centurions trying to kill him as a baby [I can't really recall why]. Mary fled with Jesus into the desert, and hid in a cave. A spider then span a web over the entrance of the cave, and in the cold night it froze. This was all done like stupidly fast, as in "the spider knew to protect the LAWD", and when the Romans wondered past the cave and saw the frozen web, they thought "well there's nobody in there, as the web would be broken" and carried on...thus spider saves Jesus' life somehow.

Not in the bible to my recollection, but I remember that one as it was nuts.

The same story was told about Muhammad when he hid in a cave while he was fleeing from his enemies:

"But one renowned tracker from Mecca who knew Mohammad’s footprint came very close to the cave. He supposed he might be hiding inside the cave, thus assigned someone to search inside. When the guy stood in front of the cave he saw birds have laid eggs and thick spider web has covered the entrance. Thus without going inside he returned saying that an intact spider web on the entrance indicates no one has entered the cave recently."

http://www.truemiracle.net/nullifyingtheconspiracy.htm
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16-05-2017, 08:16 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
Behold, thine floppy hath becometh a stiffie! All praise 1.44 MB! And the punch cards. Holey be their storage.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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16-05-2017, 08:19 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 08:14 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  http://www.truemiracle.net/nullifyingtheconspiracy.htm

Quote:After a consultation meeting they decided to select one worrier from each tribe

I do enjoy these little typos Laugh out load

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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16-05-2017, 08:26 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 08:16 AM)morondog Wrote:  Behold, thine floppy hath becometh a stiffie! All praise 1.44 MB! And the punch cards. Holey be their storage.

"And lo the doubter did say 'my 64mb memory stick has somehow increased to 8gb...how is this possible?', Whilst the lord Jesus did reply 'When one knows how to format drives correctly in the name of the lord, anything is possible'. And he rested"

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16-05-2017, 09:33 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 08:26 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  
(16-05-2017 08:16 AM)morondog Wrote:  Behold, thine floppy hath becometh a stiffie! All praise 1.44 MB! And the punch cards. Holey be their storage.

"And lo the doubter did say 'my 64mb memory stick has somehow increased to 8gb...how is this possible?', Whilst the lord Jesus did reply 'When one knows how to format drives correctly in the name of the lord, anything is possible'. And he rested"

And the Apostle Peter did ask "Lord, why is there an encrypted partition called 'SpankBank'?" And Jesus answered unto him and saith, verily, verily I say unto you, "fuck off you dick, that's private".

We'll love you just the way you are
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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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16-05-2017, 09:43 AM
RE: Help find source for this or post some lores about Jesus[interesting ones]
(16-05-2017 09:33 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(16-05-2017 08:26 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  "And lo the doubter did say 'my 64mb memory stick has somehow increased to 8gb...how is this possible?', Whilst the lord Jesus did reply 'When one knows how to format drives correctly in the name of the lord, anything is possible'. And he rested"

And the Apostle Peter did ask "Lord, why is there an encrypted partition called 'SpankBank'?" And Jesus answered unto him and saith, verily, verily I say unto you, "fuck off you dick, that's private".

"As they pulled Jesus down from the cross, with his dying breath he said, 'Mother...I love you...Joseph...do me a real solid and delete my browsing history.' And when they checked upon the history the next day, it was gone."

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