Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
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04-09-2014, 10:33 AM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
Well, I wish I had advice, but I've never had a close relationship with an older family member...nor have I ever visited somebody in a hospital.

In general, spending time with somebody (while appreciating the type of person they are) is often the best gift. When I say type of person, I mean if they are an introvert, make sure they get their alone time, if they are an extrovert, try to organize lots of visiting for them. If they are very interested in sports/movies/shows then indulge in those interest with them.

I think just good conversation means a lot to a lot of people.

Sorry Em~chocolatesauce

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04-09-2014, 11:15 AM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
(04-09-2014 08:05 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(02-09-2014 03:16 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Thanks for keeping an eye on me and checking in folks! Big Grin Hug Heart

Went down for a visit today, I got to be there while she had an occupational therapy interview. They seem pretty insistent that they are going to get her back to independent. She did everything for herself before the accident, and that's where they want her to be when she leaves. It all sounded pretty good.

Unfortunately she's still not hungry, every time she tries to eat she says it feels like it's going to come right back up. She is mostly drinking ensure, and having the occasional yogurt. She knows she isn't going to have much physical strength until she does eat, so she is trying. She was really down in the dumps today though Sad

Made me a little nervous, she had a cut on her arm, didn't really tell my mom how it happened, and the OT nurse asked about it while she was there, and my grandma just kept looking at me like she didn't want to say... Then later she said something to me like... You have to be careful about what you say around here... Undecided

BnA we do have all that end of life stuff squared away. My dad has filed the power of attorney, I think they're all set there.

Just trying to be there for her as much as I can now.

Thanks again for all the support everyone Hug

Ensure can do wonders, just make sure she drinks as much as possible. I have seen people have wonderful come backs with lots of ensure as the only food.

This is the typical situation where cannabis is exceptionally helpful without fail - nausea. Not sure if you would be able to get her some, the sublingual drops are best but don't try to put it under the tongue, that often starts gagging in people with nausea. Put enough in a shot glass to wet the mouth but not enough to swallow.

Yes, older people's skin does break easily, but there is no reason for it in a hospital setting...

If you can manage at all to bring her back home and have her get care there instead of a strange place - it would do total wonders for her mood and recovery. Motivation goes away in strange settings. A young person will try to get the heck outta there - an old one will sink into depression, thinking they will never get out.

Believe me every time she complains about her upset stomach, I curse the law that makes it illegal for her to use cannabis to treat it. Unfortunately it's very illegal here, even oils and pill forms are illegal to use medically here Facepalm

She is getting two hours of physical therapy, and round the clock care helping to change clothes, use the bathroom, and get in and out of bed. As of right now, she can't leave. We just done have the resources or money to get her that kind of care from her home Sad

But the therapists keep insisting they want her back to independent. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed, and trying to root her on.

I'm afraid she just keeps getting more and more miserable, and it isn't helping her get better... I don't know if it's because of how she's treated there when we're not around, because she's so old and wants to give up, because she's feeling helpless and weak.. I don't know. Could be a combination of all those things and more. I just don't think she can envision improvement right now.

Thanks for checking in on me everyone, and for listening. Helps me a lot anyway. Wish my being there for her helped more, I hate to see her upset. Thanks you guys Hug Heart

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04-09-2014, 11:43 AM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
(04-09-2014 11:15 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  
(04-09-2014 08:05 AM)Dom Wrote:  Ensure can do wonders, just make sure she drinks as much as possible. I have seen people have wonderful come backs with lots of ensure as the only food.

This is the typical situation where cannabis is exceptionally helpful without fail - nausea. Not sure if you would be able to get her some, the sublingual drops are best but don't try to put it under the tongue, that often starts gagging in people with nausea. Put enough in a shot glass to wet the mouth but not enough to swallow.

Yes, older people's skin does break easily, but there is no reason for it in a hospital setting...

If you can manage at all to bring her back home and have her get care there instead of a strange place - it would do total wonders for her mood and recovery. Motivation goes away in strange settings. A young person will try to get the heck outta there - an old one will sink into depression, thinking they will never get out.

Believe me every time she complains about her upset stomach, I curse the law that makes it illegal for her to use cannabis to treat it. Unfortunately it's very illegal here, even oils and pill forms are illegal to use medically here Facepalm

She is getting two hours of physical therapy, and round the clock care helping to change clothes, use the bathroom, and get in and out of bed. As of right now, she can't leave. We just done have the resources or money to get her that kind of care from her home Sad

But the therapists keep insisting they want her back to independent. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed, and trying to root her on.

I'm afraid she just keeps getting more and more miserable, and it isn't helping her get better... I don't know if it's because of how she's treated there when we're not around, because she's so old and wants to give up, because she's feeling helpless and weak.. I don't know. Could be a combination of all those things and more. I just don't think she can envision improvement right now.

Thanks for checking in on me everyone, and for listening. Helps me a lot anyway. Wish my being there for her helped more, I hate to see her upset. Thanks you guys Hug Heart

She is sinking into "the bubble". The outside ceases to exist. And with that, the hope/effort to get out there does too.

Maybe try involving her in decision making, part of the issue is total powerlessness. Decisions about anything - the red dress or the blue to your date, whether to buy xxx for your zzz.... what is best to cook for yyyy... anything at all. Seek her counsel. Validate her value.

And "how did you...", validating her life. Talk about her accomplishments.

Ask questions. Lots of questions. Compliment her answers. You will see her liven up...

Oh, and ask the nurse about what she thinks would be available for home support with the insurance you have. Hospital stays cost the insurance more in many cases than home care. Home care companies are thriving these days, and that's a good thing.

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04-09-2014, 07:17 PM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
(04-09-2014 11:43 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(04-09-2014 11:15 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Believe me every time she complains about her upset stomach, I curse the law that makes it illegal for her to use cannabis to treat it. Unfortunately it's very illegal here, even oils and pill forms are illegal to use medically here Facepalm

She is getting two hours of physical therapy, and round the clock care helping to change clothes, use the bathroom, and get in and out of bed. As of right now, she can't leave. We just done have the resources or money to get her that kind of care from her home Sad

But the therapists keep insisting they want her back to independent. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed, and trying to root her on.

I'm afraid she just keeps getting more and more miserable, and it isn't helping her get better... I don't know if it's because of how she's treated there when we're not around, because she's so old and wants to give up, because she's feeling helpless and weak.. I don't know. Could be a combination of all those things and more. I just don't think she can envision improvement right now.

Thanks for checking in on me everyone, and for listening. Helps me a lot anyway. Wish my being there for her helped more, I hate to see her upset. Thanks you guys Hug Heart

She is sinking into "the bubble". The outside ceases to exist. And with that, the hope/effort to get out there does too.

Maybe try involving her in decision making, part of the issue is total powerlessness. Decisions about anything - the red dress or the blue to your date, whether to buy xxx for your zzz.... what is best to cook for yyyy... anything at all. Seek her counsel. Validate her value.

And "how did you...", validating her life. Talk about her accomplishments.

Ask questions. Lots of questions. Compliment her answers. You will see her liven up...

Oh, and ask the nurse about what she thinks would be available for home support with the insurance you have. Hospital stays cost the insurance more in many cases than home care. Home care companies are thriving these days, and that's a good thing.

Sorry to hear about you grandma though I'm glad people here are giving you good advice and helping you and that you have the time and energy to be able to be there for your grandma.

I second this advice here. My grandma months before she passed talked about how she didn't feel like my family/people from church didn't tell her things. Not that we shunned her as much as when things happened, she didn't feel like she was one of the first to be told. As someone that was very involved with our family, I believe this made her really depressed. Not saying that this is what your grandmother is feeling exactly but I know that something as simple as "hey, I need to ask you something" is very important. Even if it's something not so trivial like, "hey, my cake needs a little pizazz and I was hoping you had ideas" would be good to say. Something to make it sound like she's the first one to ask in general might make her day.

Hope things go well with her and she can be as independent as possible Hug

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04-09-2014, 07:35 PM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
(04-09-2014 07:17 PM)Miss Suzanne Wrote:  
(04-09-2014 11:43 AM)Dom Wrote:  She is sinking into "the bubble". The outside ceases to exist. And with that, the hope/effort to get out there does too.

Maybe try involving her in decision making, part of the issue is total powerlessness. Decisions about anything - the red dress or the blue to your date, whether to buy xxx for your zzz.... what is best to cook for yyyy... anything at all. Seek her counsel. Validate her value.

And "how did you...", validating her life. Talk about her accomplishments.

Ask questions. Lots of questions. Compliment her answers. You will see her liven up...

Oh, and ask the nurse about what she thinks would be available for home support with the insurance you have. Hospital stays cost the insurance more in many cases than home care. Home care companies are thriving these days, and that's a good thing.

Sorry to hear about you grandma though I'm glad people here are giving you good advice and helping you and that you have the time and energy to be able to be there for your grandma.

I second this advice here. My grandma months before she passed talked about how she didn't feel like my family/people from church didn't tell her things. Not that we shunned her as much as when things happened, she didn't feel like she was one of the first to be told. As someone that was very involved with our family, I believe this made her really depressed. Not saying that this is what your grandmother is feeling exactly but I know that something as simple as "hey, I need to ask you something" is very important. Even if it's something not so trivial like, "hey, my cake needs a little pizazz and I was hoping you had ideas" would be good to say. Something to make it sound like she's the first one to ask in general might make her day.

Hope things go well with her and she can be as independent as possible Hug

Great idea.
It's good to be needed.


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04-09-2014, 07:46 PM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
Sorry about your grandma. Hug
Now that she's settled in at the nursing home, and when she gets to go back to her own home, visit her as often as you possibly can. My dad would light up when he had visitors.
I have brothers who were less than helpful so I get where you're coming from with your sister. Angry

Visit, visit, visit, after a while you'll find you won't need to think much about what to bring or what to talk about, you'll just know. Hug
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04-09-2014, 08:36 PM
RE: Help lifting my grandmother's spirits
Is it possible to open a window or take her outside at all? Fresh air does wonders. And just being *outside* instead of inside a hospital might be appreciated. Also might inspire her to work a little harder to get out permanently.

Many people of that generation have a mindset that hospitals are where one goes to die. It was true back then, but no longer. You'll have to open her eyes to that.

Can you arrange for any of her friends to visit, too?

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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