Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
03-04-2013, 01:20 PM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Yabut. Where's my grand? Cheezy fuck. Dodgy

[Image: klingon_zps7e68578a.jpg]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-04-2013, 01:25 PM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
HoC, I think 'your' grand may be going to Muffs.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-04-2013, 01:40 PM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
(03-04-2013 01:25 PM)Anjele Wrote:  HoC, I think 'your' grand may be going to Muffs.

Yeah, huh? Swindler. Dodgy

[Image: klingon_zps7e68578a.jpg]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-04-2013, 09:42 PM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Here's another one. Bit more time on this one as it wasn't 1am and I didn't have to get up to 7am.

I must say, I like the idea of the magnifying glass burning the bible. It's dramatic enough to peek interest and get people wondering what it's about, it shows that it's of a religious nature, AND it's not overall dramatic like burning a bible that would just simply put people off.

[Image: 116if4w.jpg]

[Image: 3cdac7eec8f6b059070d9df56f50a7ae.jpg]
Now with 40% more awesome.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes earmuffs's post
04-04-2013, 02:26 AM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Sweet pics muff. Apparently I do have some internet here. Are the images uncopyrighted and royalty-free? I'll throw some money at you if I use your covers. Though it won't be HoC's high roller amount. I only make 2 bucks per book sold.

I only went with the real life magnifying glass because my photoshop skills are embarrassingly minimal for a Comp Sci major. Maybe I'll use different top pics for the Old and New Testaments.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-04-2013, 04:24 AM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Dunno; google images.
It wouldn't be any trouble at all to change the bible or top picture with something that is royality free if they're not.

[Image: 3cdac7eec8f6b059070d9df56f50a7ae.jpg]
Now with 40% more awesome.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-04-2013, 10:10 AM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
I wuz just thinking of a shadow of a cross on the ground, with a chalk outline where Jesus would be... Consider

[Image: klingon_zps7e68578a.jpg]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-04-2013, 05:52 PM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
(02-04-2013 01:45 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Don't complain, those who have already paid are in possession of rare first editions. Gotta be worth money right?

Hey, if I send you my copy with a prepaid return slip would you sign it and add some witty comment? I mean a witty comment from your mom obviously. And could you put my sandwich in with it? I'm still waiting for it.

Thanks, Girly

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes GirlyMan's post
16-04-2013, 05:16 PM (This post was last modified: 16-04-2013 05:21 PM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Final word on this before I let this thread die.

I went with the following covers, just because I realized I was spending too much time on the aesthetics of the old book rather than finishing the new one. So I spruced it up, removed my name altogether, removed the black bar at the bottom, and added more "reviews" on the back cover.

[Image: OTcover_zps1b347c50.jpg] [Image: NTcover_zpsec519d77.jpg]

The back cover reviews:

"If I were held at gunpoint and told to choose one thing to be allowed to live, and my choices were my firstborn child, a chimpanzee sidekick, and this book, I would choose the chimpanzee sidekick. The book would be a close second though."

"As a Christian, I purchased this piece of heresy to burn in an effort to rid the world of every last copy. Although I have since burned thousands of this so called "made to order" filth, the supply never seems to dwindle. Clearly the evil magic of Satan's pitchfork is at work here. Also, I'm unfamiliar with the existence of the Printing Press and Kinkos."

"If you're an avid collector of books that feature pictures of pipes or magnifying glasses, then this is the book for you! Pipes! Magnifying glasses! The cover has got plenty of both!"

"The only way this book could be any better is if the words were hundred dollar bills and the book was my bank account, because there are a lot of words in this book!"

"This book is so good that I forgot that it wasn't a sandwich and proceeded to devour the entire thing. I ordered another and the same thing happened. Needless to say, I'm completely stuffed, intestinally AND intellectually."

"This thing is fantastic! My table is no longer uneven after propping this little baby under the leg. What's that? Book, you say? No thank you, I can't read."

"When my wife sasses me, I grab the nearest heavy item and beat her mercilessly over the head until the voices in my head go away. Of all the heavy items I've bloodied, I've found this book to be just the right weight and size to achieve maximum velocity without tiring myself out. Thanks!"

"I mistakenly purchased this thinking it was the new Shades of Grey erotica spinoff. Strangely, I wasn't disappointed, as I quickly found that the Old Testament is rich with copious amounts of orgies, violence, and adultery. Throw in an angry sky magician and I found a romance/ science fiction hybrid that left me sexually satisfied!"



Just to piss off those who were kind enough to already purchase my book, I also added the suggested chapter titles in the headings of the pages (it was actually a bitch to do) and added one more About the Author since I needed an additional one.



I'll share it here so you don't miss out.

Brian Shuty was born and raised in west Philadelphia. He spent most of his days on the playground, generally just chilling, maxing, and relaxing, all cool, and occasionally shooting some b-ball outside of the school. Until one day, a couple of guys, who were clearly up to no good, began to make trouble within the neighboring communities. Brian found himself in one minor skirmish and his mother got scared. She proclaimed, “You’re moving in with your aunt and uncle, who both reside in Bel Air.” Upon arrival, Brian whistled for a taxi cab and as it approached, Brian noticed that the license plate said “Fresh” and that had dice affixed to the rearview mirror; odd commodities for a high class area. Clearly this taxi cab was a rarity, but Brian dismissed his apprehension and instructed the driver, “To my new home in Bel Air, please.” The driver couldn’t find the house until later that evening (around 7 or 8) because Brian lacked an actual address to give him. It is rumored that Brian told the driver he would “smell him later” but never had any intention of doing such. Brian had arrived at his Bel Air mansion, which he would later refer to as his kingdom, and himself as a prince.

Initially, Brian struggled to adjust to his new school schedule. On most mornings, Brian would wake up to the warning of the alarm and dread that he wouldn’t make it on time. By the time he gathered his books and gave himself a look, he would arrive at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by. If by happenstance the teacher gave a pop quiz that same day, Brian would find himself in a conundrum, as he neglected his homework the night before. By riding low in his chair, the teacher would be unaware of his presence and Brian would be able to hand his homework in the following day. More often than not, Brian was saved by the bell that signified class being dismissed.

Understanding that Brian was just a new boy in the neighborhood, his uncle hired a tutor to live downstairs. It was understood that the tutor was there to take good care of Brian like he was one of the family. The tutor was unwavering and steadfast in Brian’s tutoring. You could almost say that the tutor was in charge of Brian’s days AND his nights. So meticulous was his mentoring, you would almost be tempted to state that the tutor was also in charge of Brian’s wrongs and his rights. I wouldn’t mind having a tutor like that in charge of me.

In the wake of the huge success of his locally acclaimed book, Brian moved on up to the east side of town and currently resides in a deluxe apartment with ample view of the area and the sky. Brian enjoys his social improvement, joking “It’s good to finally get a piece of the pie.” However, success doesn’t guarantee a trouble-free life of luxury. Brian recently had to replace his kitchen stove, as he couldn’t get his fish to fry, nor his beans to cook. To top it off, he had to move the new stove in by himself. Bystanders remember seeing him push the stove from the appliance store all the way to his 4th St. apartment, uphill the entire way. One spectator remarked, “Well, it seemed to take a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill.”

Brian has relayed to me a parting life lesson that he would like shared with his fans. A moral guidebook he picked up in the peaks and valleys of a tumultuous journey called life. The message is thus: “if you take the good AND you take the bad, you will have taken them both and there you will have facts that you can use throughout life. Indeed, when the world never seems to be living up to your aspirations, suddenly you discover that these so-called facts of life are actually all about you. Believe me, it takes a lot to get them right, when you’re first discovering these life lessons. But mostly, I just want to thank you, the reader, for being a friend. Throughout this book, we’ve traveled down the road and back again. We’ve forged a bond, you and I. If, at this very moment, you threw a party and invited everyone you know, you would notice that the biggest gift is from me. The card attached would say simply, “Thank you for being a friend.”



I'll be updating the ACB thread with order details if anyone cares to partake.

Thanks for the help and suggestions.

And yes, anyone that sends me their copy will get an inscription in the book and a frozen waffle.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Buddy Christ's post
16-04-2013, 05:18 PM
RE: Help me pick an updated book cover. Bacon and waffles.
Damnit, now I gotta print this out and put it in my copy of the original. Shit.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: