Here I am
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17-01-2012, 07:20 AM
Here I am
I "became a Christian" in 1981 just after starting at university. In retrospect this seems rather uncharacteristic of me, at least from an intellectual perspective as I had previously not been at all disposed to believe. I was, however, interested in "spiritual" things as I think I was probably trying to fill an emotional void: I had been bullied for years whilst at boarding school, living my life in constant fear of others, and was then in a position where I did not know how to make friends. I think the readiness to embrace the claims of Christianity was born partly of despair; I was ready to put aside intellectual considerations to see if Christianity worked for me. I don't know if that's quite how I saw it at the time, mind you.

During my time at university I was "up to my eyeballs" in religion. As I saw it, I gave myself completely to God. I read the Bible every day, prayed constantly, and went to meeting after meeting to worship God and meet with fellow Christians. To say that I had numerous religious experiences would be to understate it; my whole life was a religious experience with everything being filtered and coloured by my relationship with God. That was my experience at the time.

Slowly, slowly things began to change. First, once my university course was over I became comparitively isolated again. I suppose I did not have the time I had had to go to one meeting after another so my faith was not bolstered to the same degree by my Christian activities. Secondly, I had begun again to be affected by the depression which had dominated my teenage years.

I persisted in going to Church and tried desperately to maintain my religious life in the hope that God would free me from mental torment. However, even after years of praying and hoping for release, there was no sign of an end to my depression; if anything it was getting worse by the day and I concluded that my religion was, if anything, adding to the torment, rather than helping me to find a way out. Without for a moment ceasing to believe (that was not an option for me, having devoted so much of my life to it) I simply decided one day to leave aside all religious pursuits and thoughts. My view of God was that he would understand my pain and know why I had taken such a difficult decision.

To cut a long story short, I continued to suffer depression. In fact I declined over a period of several years. In the mean time I had ceased to believe and turning to religion was no longer an option for me, apart from which I knew from experience that it was not effective in my case. The only hope I had left was to seek medical help, although I resisted this for years. After counselling and medication I began to turn the corner and to build a life.

Free from depression (to a great degree) and free from religion, I was able to view my past more or less dispassionately and to reevaluate my experiences.

So, here I am now a reasonably contented atheist rather than a tortured Christian! Interestingly, having once described myself in those terms to a Baptist minister with whom I was once great friends I got a response along the lines of "Well, there you go!" I am sure that what he meant was that Satan had lured me to an easy path.
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17-01-2012, 07:39 AM
RE: Here I am
That's an interesting past you've got there. This forum tends to get a lot of recovering religious types looking for support or something along those lines. Welcome.

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17-01-2012, 08:14 AM
RE: Here I am
I think you'll fit in here.

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17-01-2012, 08:31 AM
RE: Here I am
(17-01-2012 07:39 AM)Hamata k Wrote:  That's an interesting past you've got there. This forum tends to get a lot of recovering religious types looking for support or something along those lines. Welcome.

Interesting is certainly one way of describing it. I'm not especially looking for support these days, but thanks for the welcome!
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17-01-2012, 08:50 AM
RE: Here I am
Welcome Smile
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17-01-2012, 11:31 AM
RE: Here I am
another rabbit, wonderful. Here, meet Jackrabbit he is a nice guy *points to Jackrabbit*
apart from that welcome
*offering salad leaves and a carrot*

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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[+] 1 user Likes Leela's post
17-01-2012, 11:39 AM
RE: Here I am
Sorry, Leela likes to feed the animals around here... there's a puppy dog that runs around rampant too so watch out for the little thing.

Welcome to the forums.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
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[+] 1 user Likes ddrew's post
17-01-2012, 12:02 PM
RE: Here I am
Ha! -Yes - Hamata is our resident Troll.
Kingschosen (aka KC., aka Kingsy) is our resident Christian (aka Xtian, aka Christ-y)
Erxomai is our resident ex-minister.
HouseofCantor is our resident philosopher/insane mathematician/lover of Gwyneth Paltrow = 4.

You'll meet and get to know others if you hang about a while.
We are quite diverse and all fit in here. Sounds as if you might, too.

Smile Welcome to the forum.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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17-01-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: Here I am
What kind of meds are you on?
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17-01-2012, 04:22 PM
RE: Here I am
(17-01-2012 04:01 PM)weekendskp Wrote:  What kind of meds are you on?

Who? Me? Or do you think another poster is, or should be, on medication? Anyway, to answer your question: none now. This is old history.
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