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24-05-2011, 05:02 PM
First off, if anyone can tell me how to upload a picture so I can get rid of this generic one, that would be great! It only says can't upload and I have tried several different pictures! Thank you!

My name is Kori and I have just started to delve into atheism recently. All of my family are devout Catholics who very much embrace the shut up and believe mentality. I went to twelve grades of Catholic school with church at least twice a week and confession a few times a month. I began to question my faith in high school, but was met with the don't question just believe approach from my parents. I shut up about it and went on with my normal life, but always had a few nagging thought. Like why is there so much suffering in the world if God loves everyone? Why would God allow this if he could stop it? Those were the big ones.

I moved out and got married at the age of 18. My husband also went to Catholic school and came from a very Catholic family. I went on living my life, but we never attended church. My husband was questioning his own faith because we knew so many people who called themselves Catholics and were "upstanding" in the religious community who were dirtbags in every other aspect of their lives. He decided that he did not want to attend church because religion was man made and therefore bad. He wanted to do his own thing to get closer to God. About six months after we got married my grandmother died a horrible death from cancer. I wondered why God would let a devout Catholic die like that, but I turned to my faith because it was comforting, like your childhood blanket or stuffed animal.

Early 2010 I found out I was pregnant with triplets while my husband was deployed to the Middle East and I was living in a state where I didn't know a soul. They died after three months and I was left crying all by myself. I could not understand why God would let these precious children die without getting to live. They flew my husband home because they were afraid he was going to kill himself he was so upset. I had my D&C and a week later was hospitalized with a gall bladder infection and gall stones. For a week I wasn't allowed to eat or drink and was so weak I could barely stand. At the end of the week they removed my gall bladder. It was all so horrific, the only thing I could think was why is this happening to me. I've never killed anyone or hurt anyone. I have always tried to be a good person. People kept telling me that it was God's will, he works in mysterious ways, it wasn't their time, they are in a better place and all I could think was WTF?!?!? What better place for children than with their parents? Of all the murders and rapists that he could have taken, why take innocent children? Why create them in the first place? My husband suggested going to a priest to talk it through. His whole conversation revolved around that God made it happen to me so I could help others when it happened to them. All I could think of was why make it happen to anyone? At this point my beliefs were hanging on by a thread. I told my parents and family that I wanted to get a tattoo for them so that they could always be close to me and help me with the healing process. They told me that I was going to go to hell for that. That was the last straw. This was my way of dealing with an extremely tough thing and inking their memory onto me was a sin? But God gets away with murdering my children?

I do not believe anymore because I just can't look at all of the suffering around me and see God's hand. My husband accepts my beliefs and his own at the moment are the belief that there is a God, but he is not a good, just God that everyone believes in. I think it helps him get through the day to believe he will meet our children someday.

Whew, that was long, but I had to tell it! On a lighter note, I am currently working on my bachelor's degree, but I cannot decide on a major. I have a wonderful husband named Phillip and two dogs. Ace is a two year old mutt (Australian Shepherd?) and Buck will be two in August and is a pit. I really loves dogs and especially pits because they are so misrepresented. They are the most lovable dogs ever! =)

I look forward to meeting all of you! =)
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24-05-2011, 05:30 PM
Heart RE: Hi!
Hi, Kori and welcome. Smile I am sorry to read of your loss. Things like that can make someone who believes in an omni-benevolent god to question everything they ever thought was true. How could something infinitely compassionate allow so much suffering?
Yours isn't the first tragedy that's caused that question to arise in a personal life, and it shall not be the last unfortunately. I think if you wish to continue a faith in god you might consider checking your local public library for the book, which is now a series, "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch.

I think for anyone who wants to understand how the traditional higher power, god, deity, fails when so many think benevolence and an all powerful spirit should insure prayers are answered and innocence, like our three babies, are not lost, that book is a wonderful opportunity to take a fresh look at a new concept of deity.
It's something I felt was sincere of heart from the author and it lends a wonderful and unique insight into what has for so long been promoted as a supreme being, but yet has fallen short of acting like it, per the traditional religions that excuse what are failings in real life when it's asked to show mercy, benevolence and exercise it's powers, by those who believe it can.

Walsch is a great story teller,though he says this really happened and the material was channeled to him in his most dire need. I can't call him a liar, because I love the book. It is my sincere hope that it be of a comfort to you, if you seek it out. (HUGS) I wish you peace, healing and welcome to TTA. Smile

Regarding the upload of a different Avatar, all I know is if you go to "User CP" at the top left of this page and click, you'll be taken to your personal control panel. On the left is a column where you can change your Avatar. Either enter a URL that you get from a free photo upload site like this one >>LINK. After it uploads, scroll down the page to "Full Size Image" and copy the last code in that column and then paste it in the URL window at your CP Avatar page and save it. Otherwise, you can simply grab a picture from your computer's saved image files, which is what you utilize in order to upload a pic to that site as well.

Hope that helps. Actually, I hope that's what you were asking about. Tongue

Be well,
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