Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
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23-04-2014, 09:15 PM (This post was last modified: 23-04-2014 09:19 PM by Ferdinand.)
Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
I made a thread about this recently, but it sort of escalated into a bigger problem. I planned on waiting until after I graduated to sit down and talk to my mom about my attraction towards people of other races. But the topic approached her itself...

I invited a boy over. The boy has a black parent and a white parent. All we did was watch American Horror Story, and I kept my door open. My mom was completely okay with it, and I explained to her that we're just friends (which we are- though I do admit I like him a lot, nothing has progressed.) My little sister was in my bedroom on my computer and all we did was watch Netflix and talk endlessly. Out of nowhere, my mom walks in and embarrasses the fuck out of me by lecturing him about interracial couples and how she "wasn't raised that way" as her excuse. I could tell she made him feel really uncomfortable, and after she left my room I apologized about a million times to him. As the day went by, my mom made us sandwiches and she was nicer to him. But he hardly ate anything, and I felt like the lecture was part of the reason why. She made him feel more welcomed when he left, and told him he could come over and watch more of American Horror Story with me because the seasons are very long. I stood outside with him and his friend and we all talked for a bit. Then my mom called me inside. As soon as he left, she began lecturing me, calling me a disappointment, said if I ever entered an interracial relationship she would disown me, and even said she would be more okay with me being a lesbian than being in an interracial couple. She ended the lecture by telling me that she didn't want me hanging out with him anymore, and she didn't approve of a friendship either.

Basically, I do like this boy, a lot. We don't have to hold hands and hug to show that we do have mutual feelings. We just enjoy talking to one another and it's awesome. It hasn't escalated into a relationship, we're still just friends, but the mutual feelings have been made clear between us. But the things my mom said to me tonight make me feel awful. I don't want to disappoint her or her disown me again, but it just really hurts my feelings and makes me feel awful that she would even say such a thing to me. Since I've moved back home (she had kicked me out for a period of time) it's like walking on thin ice around her. Everything I do is wrong. I'm not a bad kid either. I keep my grades up, do my chores, and tell the truth. Telling the truth is actually what got me kicked out of the house in the first place. But I really just can't stand all of these awful feelings I'm feeling right now, or handle the things she says to me. I finally find a good person that can be my friend and talk to me and make me feel happy, but I just feel really heavy and I want to cry because of all of this.

Just needed to get that last half off my chest.
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23-04-2014, 09:30 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
It's a shame your mom feels that way. Nothing wrong with interracial relationships, love does not judge by skin and neither should people. You should do what makes you happy, it's your life not your mothers and your going to experience your life a lot more than she will. If she doesn't approve then that's her issue not yours. I know how you feel about not wanting to be a disappointment to your mother, my mother was the same but for different reasons but you have to realize that one day you will be living on your own and you'll be making the decisions in your life and not her. Make the right ones now before you regret it later in life.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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23-04-2014, 09:32 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
Wow Ferdi, I'm just in shock. I'm so sorry Hug how long until you're out of the house? Either off to college or to love on your own? I think you'll unfortunately have to keep this friendship under wraps until then unless you want another war with her on your hands Sad

I just don't see this as a situation she'll be able to come around on. At least not right now. Keep your chin up, girl. You're not doin anything wrong. Don't feel guilty if your mom is disappointed. That's her problem fueled by some pretty backwards thinking.

Another Hug

ps - this is in the 18+ section. I don't know if you posted here on purpose. If you want more input / support from more forum members, you may want to have is moved. I don't think all of the adults have joined this section. Love ya!

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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23-04-2014, 09:35 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(23-04-2014 09:32 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I think you'll unfortunately have to keep this friendship under wraps until then unless you want another war with her on your hands Sad

That's just asking for major trouble.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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23-04-2014, 09:40 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
I want to move out before the year ends. I have two friends looking for apartments, and both have offered for me to live with them once they move out. But, you know, only time can tell if moving in with either of those friends will happen, or even work out.

I plan on continuing the friendship, and maybe even a relationship if it evolves, but it sucks. I feel like shit. I've always been open to my mom, and in the situation I wouldn't be able to be open. But also, for her to say to my face that she doesn't trust me just makes me feel absolutely awful.

My relationship with my mom has become shit over the past couple of months, and it's rapidly decaying. Any situation like this brings upon this awful nauseous feeling and I just want to puke. I hate that this is happening to us, but I hate that she's being like this.
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23-04-2014, 09:44 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(23-04-2014 09:35 PM)JDog554 Wrote:  
(23-04-2014 09:32 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I think you'll unfortunately have to keep this friendship under wraps until then unless you want another war with her on your hands Sad

That's just asking for major trouble.

Normally I'd agree if she were a minor, but she's 18, and her mom doesn't need to know about every relationship she has, even if she is still living at home (IMHO). She can still see him in her free time, and avoid an unneeded conflict with her mom until she is in her own, and doesn't depend on her.

It could go bad if she finds out, but I don't think is rule of her mom's is worth breaking Confused

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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23-04-2014, 09:45 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
So ... your mom time-warped from what century ?

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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23-04-2014, 09:45 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(23-04-2014 09:35 PM)JDog554 Wrote:  
(23-04-2014 09:32 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I think you'll unfortunately have to keep this friendship under wraps until then unless you want another war with her on your hands Sad

That's just asking for major trouble.

1.) I'll feel like shit for hiding it because I'm usually really honest and open with my mom

2.) If my mom found out I was hiding a relationship from her, especially an interracial relationship, the ending would be very bad.
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23-04-2014, 09:46 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(23-04-2014 09:40 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I want to move out before the year ends. I have two friends looking for apartments, and both have offered for me to live with them once they move out. But, you know, only time can tell if moving in with either of those friends will happen, or even work out.

I plan on continuing the friendship, and maybe even a relationship if it evolves, but it sucks. I feel like shit. I've always been open to my mom, and in the situation I wouldn't be able to be open. But also, for her to say to my face that she doesn't trust me just makes me feel absolutely awful.

My relationship with my mom has become shit over the past couple of months, and it's rapidly decaying. Any situation like this brings upon this awful nauseous feeling and I just want to puke. I hate that this is happening to us, but I hate that she's being like this.

Whenever my mother yelled at me or lectured me on something or beat me or told me she wish she never had me, i felt bad, i felt like I didn't belong in the world but then I just looked at the good things in life. My friends who were there for me, my hobbies that i enjoy doing, stuff like that that took my mind off the bad stuff i was dealing with and allowed me to smile. Your mom is being irrational but on the other hand you have a new friend who you like and your happy with, focus on that, focus on the stuff that makes you happy and you'll feel better.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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23-04-2014, 09:49 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(23-04-2014 09:45 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  So ... your mom time-warped from what century ?

My mom is 51... but said she would be okay with me being a lesbian, but not being in an interracial relationship.
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