Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
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24-04-2014, 07:19 AM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
I was going to pm this to you, but we all know there are lurkers here and someone else might benefit

Basically, you will need a copy of anything that pertains to you. If you can take the statement great, if not get a copy of it or take a photo of the details and email them someplace that you will have access to when you leave. You will need:

The full name on the account
Account number
Customer service number
Billing address for them in case you need to send a payment
Any balance

Get the following papers
Any bank statements (that pertain to you)
Any loans
Any insurance
Any health or dental care
Insurance cards- the one you show at the office when you make an appointment- health and dental
Car insurance
Car loan
Student loans
Grants
College forms and applications
Any other school related item for your high school
School transcripts
SAT scores
Birth certificate
Social security card
Any other ID you have, drivers license, military dependent, etc


Start looking at your belongings with the idea in mind that you might only get once chance to grab what you need and want. Secure those items that mean the most to you or will help you in the next phase first.

Find a way to do this without her knowing, once she knows you are preparing she might get you out sooner.

Talk with the parents of your friends, now that you are 18 it is a bit easier for them to take you into their home legally. Many people don't want to get between a minor and their parent, but 18 changes things and they might be more willing to have you in. Bring it up with them directly, explain your situation, then give them time to think it over. Even if they just let you keep a couple boxes of stuff at their house, it will help.

Talk to the counselor at school, you aren't the first or the last kid to go thru this, they might have some resources for you.

The sudden change you mentioned in her is what made me think that maybe she can read your posts or over hear your conversations.

I hate to say this, but after reading her track record, I am betting she will kick you out as soon as you graduate.

Save every penny you can till you can, seriously, every penny, till you have a job that can pay your rent.

Can you confide in the aunt that controls your school funds, explain the situation and ask for guidance. It's great you have that nest egg for school, but you and her need to come up with an emergency plan. Maybe some of those funds can be used to get you into an apartment, and repaid at the end?? Just try to brainstorm a plan with her help. Get a copy of that account statement where those funds are. Check the account name, call the bank, and ask them to explain the type of account and if there are any restrictions on how it can be used. Your aunt might *say* it has to be used for school! but if your name is on the account and it becomes yours at 18, then she might not have any control over it. Listen to what the BANK says in regards to that account, not what the manipulative people around you want you to believe.

Sending loads of hugs your way.

Also, new camera = cash photography business, $50 for 30 min photo shoot for young families, let them keep and print the photos. Post in a daycare, young families like family photos. Work with holidays.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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24-04-2014, 08:26 AM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
Family is a continual right of passage that is not earned, nor maintained, by blood relation. I realize that this is going to be hard cause it's your mom, but you need to move forward. If she tries to disown you, then you disown her first and tell her exactly why and how disappointed you are in her. How a true mother would never do that to her child, and you'd be better off without her. If she has feelings for you, this will cut deep. Hopefully enough to teach a lesson about what she's doing to you, but if not, you will be better off without her.

You're a good person Ferdie, stay strong. We're all here for advice, and it sounds like you have some good friends that will help you in real life too. We're all rooting for you Hug

Also, on a side note, here are some interesting videos that could pertain to your situation. Might be interesting to show your mother (these are tv shows).
What would you do?









You can see more here.

Atir aissom atir imon
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24-04-2014, 09:11 AM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
I'm curious if your mom has a problem with all interracial couples or just couples that include one black person.

My ex-wife is Chinese, and neither of our parents had a problem with her being Asian or me being white. However, if she was black my parents would have had a problem, and if I was black (or pretty much anything other than Chinese or Caucasian) her parents wouldn't have liked the relationship either.

I think you've gotten some good advice in this thread, and second the recommendations to keep your head down until graduation while quietly planning your exit strategy so you can put yourself in a healthier environment as soon as possible.

Good luck!

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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24-04-2014, 09:16 AM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
Is there the possibility that if your friendship with this boy develops into a proper relationship that you could move in with him?[/code]

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24-04-2014, 09:22 AM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
Until the point I ready your post about her hitting you and throwing you out I was going to suggest talking to her about how wrong it is to punish someone over things they can not control, like who their parents are. After that post I suggest you get a job, if you do not already have one and move out as soon as you can pay rent and utilities. Get a room mate if you need to.
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24-04-2014, 11:39 AM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
Let's get this absolutely clear: you are a good person and a person deserving of happiness.

love is love is love is love.

there is no straight love, black love, gay love, or white love.


I'm white, and married a mexiacan which is not really cool to do in the Mormon faith. it's like a silent law. crock of shit.

I love my wife. I love her so much that I even say racist stuff like I am so glad I didn't marry a white girl. of course I'm kidding, but I'm just so glad I married her. she has fulfilled my dreams. I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else.

graduate, go to college, and live in a dorm.

if she kicks you out again, call CPS. That's a load of bull shit. you deserve better.


you seem like a very sweet and genuine person. seek for love in whatever form comforts and fullfills you.

before I met my wife, I was sure I was going to marry someone half white and half black. they're such beautiful people and I had a thing for interracial people. I don't blame you. be loved, and spread the love. best of luck to you!

"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."- Albert Einstein.

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." Steven Hawking
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25-04-2014, 03:56 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(24-04-2014 09:11 AM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  I'm curious if your mom has a problem with all interracial couples or just couples that include one black person.

My ex-wife is Chinese, and neither of our parents had a problem with her being Asian or me being white. However, if she was black my parents would have had a problem, and if I was black (or pretty much anything other than Chinese or Caucasian) her parents wouldn't have liked the relationship either.

I think you've gotten some good advice in this thread, and second the recommendations to keep your head down until graduation while quietly planning your exit strategy so you can put yourself in a healthier environment as soon as possible.

Good luck!

To be honest, I think she just has a problem with couples that include a black person. The boy that I like is a mixture of black, white and Korean. But my very first boyfriend was Filipino and my mother didn't have a problem with him at all. In fact, she absolutely loved him.

(24-04-2014 09:16 AM)Sam Wrote:  Is there the possibility that if your friendship with this boy develops into a proper relationship that you could move in with him?[/code]

We're both going to be attending the same college, but neither of us have a car yet. So if it were possible, and if it even does happen, it would probably be a couple of years before it progressed to that. I have a recently (honorably) discharged military friend who is looking for an apartment, and they've offered for me to live with them as soon as they get settled, but the friend isn't even sure of when they'll be able to get an apartment.
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25-04-2014, 06:34 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
I really feel like my mom is testing my patience. Last night, a friend dropped me off from a movie. It was dark, and she asked them to get out of the car because she doesn't trust me. My friend gets out of the car, and she starts speaking to him- even admits to him that she asked him to get out of the car because she hasn't trusted me lately due to the "shit I pulled" the night the boy I liked visited. I walked inside and proceeded to go to bed while my mom stayed outside talking to my friend. Minutes later, she walks into my room and asks "Do you have a problem with me?" and goes about this long rant on how "I'm too beautiful to be in a relationship with a mixed boy", "If I make any decisions behind her back I'll only disappoint her more" and "If I planned on moving out she would prevent me from taking a majority of my important belongings" even once I graduate. Basically, I had to tell her I was over it and that I didn't care anymore.

This morning, I was bombarded with accusations that I've been fucking my friend (which I haven't been sexual with anyone since January, and she's aware of that) and I'm no longer allowed to go out unless she sees who I'm with when they pick me up and when they drop me off- which I don't have a problem with because I don't lie to her about who I'm with or where I go anyways. It's just all really unnecessary and shitty.
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25-04-2014, 06:37 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
(25-04-2014 06:34 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I really feel like my mom is testing my patience. Last night, a friend dropped me off from a movie. It was dark, and she asked them to get out of the car because she doesn't trust me. My friend gets out of the car, and she starts speaking to him- even admits to him that she asked him to get out of the car because she hasn't trusted me lately due to the "shit I pulled" the night the boy I liked visited. I walked inside and proceeded to go to bed while my mom stayed outside talking to my friend. Minutes later, she walks into my room and asks "Do you have a problem with me?" and goes about this long rant on how "I'm too beautiful to be in a relationship with a mixed boy", "If I make any decisions behind her back I'll only disappoint her more" and "If I planned on moving out she would prevent me from taking a majority of my important belongings" even once I graduate. Basically, I had to tell her I was over it and that I didn't care anymore.

This morning, I was bombarded with accusations that I've been fucking my friend (which I haven't been sexual with anyone since January, and she's aware of that) and I'm no longer allowed to go out unless she sees who I'm with when they pick me up and when they drop me off- which I don't have a problem with because I don't lie to her about who I'm with or where I go anyways. It's just all really unnecessary and shitty.

It's such a shame you have to live like that. You deserve happiness and you shouldn't have to deal with anyone who tries and takes it away from you. I hope it all works out and you can be happy like you want and deserve.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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25-04-2014, 06:38 PM
RE: Hiding my interracial friend/relationship from my mom
Get your stuff together. Get your files off your computer and get ready to go as soon as school is over, if not sooner.

Things are escalating again. You know where you ended up a couple months ago. Don't wait, get ready now.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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