History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
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29-12-2013, 09:07 PM (This post was last modified: 29-12-2013 09:12 PM by Buddy Christ.)
History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
Since my newer book is still not selling like the hotcakes that is the ACB, I've decided to share a piece I particularly like for commenting and discussion. A bit lengthy, but then so are the genitals of that sailor you took home last Tuesday.

~

Let me tell you how I view the history and development of America. Not with facts or books or research, mind you, but with just an overall observation. Wrong or right, accurate or not, this is just one man’s general viewpoint from then to now. So America was just chilling and populated by lots and lots of Native Americans. These people coexisted with the land and generally only took what they had to. Then America was discovered by Europe and became the world’s biggest tourist attraction. Europeans flocked to America, bringing with them three deadly gifts - the idea of land and human ownership, disease from all over Europe, and Christianity. Through slavery, sickness, and superstition, Europeans pretty much killed off an entire race of people in record time. The people who had lived in America for centuries were overrun and exterminated by immigrants who would later label themselves “true Americans” and establish fierce anti-immigration laws. But let’s back up. Like all people who move elsewhere to “escape their old life,” the settlers began to set up their new life to more closely resemble their old life. America basically became New Europe, complete with the same Puritanical laws that most had crossed the ocean to escape from. Once Poor Hygiene Weekly (Europe’s premiere newspaper) started hyping America in the gossip column, America became the California of a 17th century virtual gold rush. Rich Europeans sent over lots of black slaves to collect as much resources as they could gather from this Paradise Island they’d heard so much about, also known as America. The dollar signs in the rich folks’ eyes blinded them and they forgot that people need food and supplies to live. Lots of unprepared colonists died. The Native Americans fed the remaining colonists and taught them how to grow and cultivate tobacco. After diseasing, enslaving, and preaching these helpful friends to death, America changed its name to Amarlboro Reds and thrived by spreading lung cancer throughout Europe. This was the first instance where selling shit equaled life, power, and prosperity. The first foray into capitalism was reinforced with rewards. “White men owning land” was a thing that began to multiply exponentially since women and blacks were still considered property. Protestants rebelled against Europe by claiming that people were free to worship as they pleased. They were just referring to themselves and their own religion, however, and when religious freedom and paganism became to spread as a result, they became frightened and a lot of people were called witches and burned alive.

Land borders continued to fluctuate and countries continued to fight for a piece of the pie. The British, the Colonists, the French, and the Spanish all liked pie and fought with and against each other for a slice. The winners? The Colonists (kind of). The losers? The Indians. When the flour had settled, the French went home with promises of pie that they would never receive, the Spanish only slightly wanted pie and didn’t realize they had gotten involved in a pie addiction gang fight so they quietly snuck off, the British lost but claimed they didn’t really want the pie in the first place (to mend a wounded pie ego), and the Colonists now had so much pie that they didn’t even know what to do with it. Meanwhile, the Indians, who owned a quiet casino next door, came over to see what all the ruckus was about and were promptly raped, murdered, and had their casino burned down to make room for more pie manufacturing.

In 1812, some Americans decided to take advantage of Britain’s war with France and steal back Canada. Neither country really cared enough to fight the war and three years later, the “war” was over and nothing had been accomplished. Later, Canada would give America Justin Bieber. Perhaps we would have fought harder if we had known the terrible outcome that was at stake. Steam boats, railroads, and massive expansion west meant that everything was growing. Growth meant jobs, money, and opportunity for everyone (except for blacks and women). Speaking of which, with no more wars to fight, American women and blacks began fighting to be seen as more than disposable property. Reformations, revolts, and other “re” words came and went. Struggle and dissent continued to remain both the dynamite that destroyed established social norms and the glue that repaired the necessary damage to keep America progressing (or in the least, moving in one direction or another). Then a Mexican family, Jose and Maria Alamo, noticed all the wayward travelers heading west and invited them in for churros and tequila. The American travelers were so grateful that they called 10,000 of their fellow countrymen to join them. The Alamos were running out of Tex-Mex, panicked, and told the travelers to kindly carry on with their travelling westward. So the Americans killed them, took over their house as their own, and ate all the chips and salsa. Later, when the neighboring Mexicans came over and evicted them from the house, the flustered Americans promised to always “Remember the Alamos!” They eventually returned, reclaimed the house, and helped the Mexicans remember where their new country border was by putting up signs sayings, “Keep Off the Lawn, Mexicans.” Seriously though, Texas rebels took the place (a Spanish religious mission) by force, then lost it by force, then assumed some great patriotic vengeance cry of martyrdom, and then took it back under the guise of “righteousness has been served.” There’s a reason the word you are remembering (Alamo) is a Spanish word – it belonged to the Spanish. There’s also a reason all the cities in the southwest start with Las, Los, and San – we weren’t the ones to settle them.

Then as with all nations of this size, strife and disagreement led to a civil war. I’ve mentioned several times that the war started because of slaves, so to lighten the mood let’s pretend that the war was started because a sitcom being taken off the air. A sitcom… called Slavery. Well Slavery was a favorite show in the south and when the north threatened to cancel it, the south was up in arms. They loved the comfort that Slavery gave them… when they watched it during dinner every night. Enjoying Slavery was a big part of the southern identity. It came on right after Religion. Slavery and Religion went together so perfectly that removing one would make the other seem, well, barbaric. So the south rose up and rebelled against the north. They did this because when deciding whether or not to rebel, they were part of America, and so they felt powerful and confident. They forgot that they were, in effect, rebelling against America. So when the war was declared and the battles began, the south was cut off from America and became a militia without a government. They couldn’t afford to supply troops or sustain a defense because they didn’t have the tax system in place to raise money for war. The enemy they had just declared war on possessed all the things they needed to win the war. So essentially, the south lost the war the moment they declared it. Then the big blob of color that was the American expansion had reached all the hidden nooks and crannies of the country and expansion stopped and solidification began. When there’s nowhere else to go, you take what you have and dig in – you ensure that it will remain yours. Steam boats and trains and industrialization made everything happen way too fast and any percentage chart of any statistic skyrocketed, unless the chart was the remaining population of the Native Americans. Some liberal pot smoker in California discovered an abundant supply of gold while playing hacky sack and not contributing to society. As a result, hoards of Jews stopped sacrificing Christian babies and rushed west, spawning the Kanye West song “Gold Digger.” To commemorate this gold rush of 1848, San Francisco dubbed their NFL team… the 49ers.

At this point, America was basically the movie Gangs of New York. Republicans still stood for minimal government and a desire to pay off the national debt. Democrats still stood for maintaining a larger government body that could provide services to those it governed. Things made sense. Then came the corruption. The 19th century was basically the establishing of the bodies of power. Dirty money changed dirty hands in a national game of Power Hungry Hippos. Scandal and corruption were so commonplace that the term “muckraker” was spawned to describe investigative journalists who made a living publishing these scandals. The founding fathers created an impressive and respectable foundation for the structure that would be the American government and consequently, America itself. They took the time to make sure all the measurements were correct and that the material was sturdy enough to hold up over time. Sure, there was the corpse of a negro man lying in the basement that no one seemed to be mentioning, but overall the foundation had the potential to become an inspiring creation for all the world to envy. Then along comes the 1800’s and politicians are frantically throwing cement all over the foundation in a reckless manner. They’re using concrete bought from the cheapest supplier and carving their names in the wall before the concrete is even dry. They don’t care that they’re desecrating the hard work of those before them. The less money they allocate to the building of the structure, the more money they get to take home at the end of the day. We’re left with this half-assed, unstable, corroded from within, crumbling on one side, piece of crap system of government that looks like it just got gang banged by a century of politicians. The only reason this cheap, flimsy structure isn’t immediately collapsing is because of the strength of the foundation. Meanwhile, outside of the analogy, the south took a moment to remind all blacks that they still hate them for the color of their skin by enforcing Jim Crow laws and the spread of the Ku Klux Klan. New Yorkers looked seaward and noticed that someone had finally assembled that damn Statue of Liberty Christmas present they had gotten from France a few years ago. Inside hung a plaque that proclaimed:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Later, they would destroy this unpatriotic communist drivel and replace it with one more accurately reflecting American foreign policy.

“Dear tired, poor,
Huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
You and your fellow wretched refuse kindly stay on your own shore,
Beware all you homeless, immigrant, future job-stealers,
I keep my shotgun beside my collection of Bibles!”

To start the 20th century off with a bang, several countries threw a World Party. All the countries who didn’t get an invite stayed home sulking and wondering why they weren’t invited. All the important countries were invited, after all – England, Russia, Germany, etc. America made sure to show up fashionably late, wearing a leather jacket and claiming it was too cool to be there. At the party, a shortage of hotdogs and an excessive amount of condiments had all the party guests on edge. Apparently all the mustard was giving people gas. In response to the gas, several people held up lighters to clear the smell, but the lighters kept malfunctioning and hurling flame long distances. It was rumored that more than one set of drapes was singed by the mishap. All in all, the countries that weren’t invited had a good laugh amongst themselves that they weren’t subjected to all the shenanigans and skylarking.

Women won the right to vote and voice an opinion, then for the next century insisted, “Whatever you pick is fine.” Technological advances and the idea of credit (aka voluntary debt) took off around the same time, leading to an epidemic of people buying huge quantities of new expensive items with money that they didn’t have. Everything related to finance in the entire world seemed to collapse at once and James Braddock couldn’t find any shifts down at the docks. I look at the Great Depression like this: the economy is a giant boulder and we, the citizens and consumers, are pushing it up a hill. In our arrogance and desire to live the American Dream (of getting to the top of the hill), we pushed the boulder too far and with too little precautions. The boulder kept getting heavier and the hill kept getting steeper, but we kept pushing higher, even though we knew it was becoming too taxing on our limitations. Eventually, people started falling off from the strain and the rest couldn’t hold it. So they did what came naturally when a boulder starts rolling at you – they ran away. What seemed the logical thing to do was simultaneously the most harmful. When people couldn’t afford to consume, the suppliers didn’t need to supply. With demand decreasing, supply had to decrease and consumers lost their jobs and means to consume. People were afraid to purchase with their limited funds and employers were afraid to employ the people with so little purchasing taking place. Instead of running from the boulder and allowing it to build up speed, the people only had to regain their confidence in each other and push back on it. But running leads to panic and panic is never conducive to logic. When the people were eventually all run over by the boulder, they picked themselves up, dusted themselves off, regrouped, and began to push the boulder up the hill again. Because that’s just what they’ve been raised to do. It’s tradition. It’s the American Dream. A deadly combination of hope and ignorance.

Around the same time Americans were brushing themselves off, they heard a distant sound of music in the silent aftermath of the crashing boulder. Turns out that Germany had crashed a party at Poland’s house and was inviting everyone to a Second World Party. All the major players turned out and all the band geek countries stayed home and sulked again. The party got out of control and spread from house to house. America wasn’t going to attend, but then he heard that Japan might show up and America has got a huge crush on Japan. America had also just bought a new jacket and it was really slick. All the other kids thought it was the bomb. So America stopped by Frank Hiroshima’s house and had a blast. The new jacket had a real impact on those in attendance. In fact, they were completely blown away. The party ended when Germany got drunk, accused DJ Soviet of sleeping with his girlfriend, and punched him in the face.

After the greatest party the world had ever seen had died down, America and USSR were enjoying Thanksgiving dinner at grandma’s house when a snide comment about passing the gravy somehow escalated into a heated argument over who had the bigger genitalia. Before you could say, “Butter my biscuits,” America and USSR were standing across the table from each other, hands poised on their zippers, with a stunned grandma, sitting too afraid to move, between them. Eyes locked, both countries daring the other to unzip first, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a turkey knife. The stare down lasted so long that the food lost its warmth, causing the incident to forever be known as the Cold War (and to a lesser extent, the Gravy Conflict). America and the USSR became like ex-lovers and set about convincing any nearby friends that the other guy was a jerk. “Can you believe the nerve of that guy?” As with all gossip stories about ex-lovers, a fair amount of lying was involved. “One time I walked in on him watching Schindler’s List in the nude, and he was laughing hysterically. That guy is such a douche.” Jokes aside, the Cold War was probably one of the most damaging periods in the history of America. Ideological moderation was discarded in favor of extreme nationalism. Propaganda was amped up to ludicrous speed. Socialism was so stigmatized that it became nationally accepted as evil incarnate. Since communism emphasized the communal good over social class and religion promoted the idea that you were special and answered to a power higher than the government, communism is often regarded as atheistic. So America set out to be the most godly nation possible. Fear campaigns were started about how communists were Satan worshipers who would unweave the moral fabric of the American values quilt if allowed to gain power. Basically if the USSR drove a Prius, America would buy a garage of Hummers. If the USSR did a Pepsi commercial, America would create a Coca-Cola national holiday. Spies and “Reds” were suddenly everywhere. Americans were encouraged to be vigilant in weeding out these undercover commie operatives. It could be any one of us! It could be your neighbor or even your spouse! Communism was a plague and we set out to contain it. We quarantined any countries we thought were “infected” by sending troops there to stem the red tide. One day we saw USSR excitedly riding his bike to town and as soon as we figured out that he was heading to the rocket ship store, we jumped on our bike in a frantic attempt to beat him to the store. Though USSR and his dog Sputnik were the first to the store, America ran past him and was the first to purchase a pair of Moon Shoes… which America claimed was the important part and that getting to the stupid store first didn’t even matter. Some people still claim that America never bought Moon Shoes and merely faked it with elaborate props and camera work. We were like bitter sisters always trying to one-up each other. Out of the chaos arose an amazing creativity. In trying to conceive of every possible idea our powerful nemesis could be dreaming up, fantastic things like the spy genre, The Hunt for Red October, WarGames, Spies Like Us, James Bond, and Ivan Drago were born. The hyperactive “what could happen” mindset that we maintained was like a collective creative mind brainstorming on cocaine for 44 years. It was an amazing source of ingenuity. (Screaming from a mountaintop) But at what cost?? During the frigid staring contest, the nation adopted behaviors that would moisten a conspiracy theorist’s dreams, and we went about it in a casual, “this isn’t crazy at all” manner, which made it seem all the more crazy in retrospect. We built bomb shelters and operated underground missile silos. We assumed everyone who looked at us funny was a spy. Children were taught how to duck and cover under their flimsy desk in the case of nuclear attack. Instead of doing what was best for the country, we simply did the opposite of whatever the Soviets did. We began making our children pledge allegiance to the flag every day in school. In an attempt to show how devout and righteous we were, we added the words “under God” to the pledge in 1954. Going even further, we added “In God We Trust” to our currency in 1957. Our attempts at officially changing America’s name to “Super Awesome Jesusland #1” were sadly denied. We also sent thousands of soldiers to die way the fuck over on the opposite side of the world in a tiny strip of land in Southeast Asia just to stop the possibility of a communist surge there. To protest, a bunch of potheads started dancing to LSD trips in fields of sunflowers. When asked to define their stance, the flower children could only seem to speak in vague terms. They claimed they “stood for something” and that peace was a groovy thing and that war was bad and that there was a proverbial “man” they were fighting. To go about bringing down this “man” and spreading peace, they engaged in orgies, sitting in fields, and shocking amounts of “white people dancing.” The size of the pants makes the man and the amount of cocaine consumed determines the size of the pants. It’s a dangerous cycle of cocaine and pants. After racing for over four decades, the #2 Communism car ran out of gas and collapsed into pieces. It just wasn’t built to keep up with the speed of the #1 Capitalism car. It was built to keep an unimpressive but steady pace for long distances and the unpredictable and flashy Capitalism car forced it to drive his kind of race and ultimately won by default. Afterwards, the driver of the #1 car ran over, kicked the destroyed #2 vehicle, and claimed that it was his impressive driving that won the race. The driver’s fans vehemently agreed and waved their American flags in a cultist frenzy. That driver’s name was Ronald Reagan.

Bill Clinton got a blowjob.

In the 21st century, America was given the chance to apologize for slavery by potentially electing a smart and eloquent black man. They were hesitant and unsure until presented with their other option in the election – a walking corpse and a self-titled “moose hunter.” McCain’s political advisor must have been trying to balance out McCain’s abundance of experience with a complete lack of experience. Armed only with a shoulder-padded pantsuit and a blank stare, Palin set to work trying to break George Bush’s record for most ignorance, incompetence, and stupidity in a single person. Worried that McCain would only appeal to smart, informed voters, the advisor clearly brought in Palin to appeal to everyone else - people who vote based solely on smiles, people who vote based on the number of times someone says, “Family values” and “the American people,” and people who feel threatened by leaders smarter than them. But you can’t blame Palin for her campaign performance. She was just some lady they grabbed out of her house, gave her talking points on some flashcards, and put a national spotlight on her. That’s like being the understudy of the lead role and on the night of the big play, the lead comes down with a crippling case of gonorrhea. You’re not ready for this. You were just goofing around because you thought Theater would be an easy A for your electives. What you can blame her for is the fact that she’s still sticking around, making regular appearances on Fox News and touring the country giving speeches. She failed to do her job and was mocked repeatedly in her attempt. Why does she now think she is qualified to lecture actual politicians on policy and executive decisions? Because she was governor of a bunch of Eskimo fishermen and Canadian refugees? But I appear to have veered off topic. Sarah Palin is not the history of America - she is an errant booger stuck between the pages of the history book.

You may have noticed I failed to mention the events of 9/11. The day when everyone had to quietly cancel birthday parties and have their day of birth associated with tragedy from that day forward. The day when pregnant women in hospitals tried to hold their baby inside just one more day. The day when Americans everywhere pretended to know what the World Trade Center was. The day when conspiracy theorists everywhere became licensed explosives and demolition experts. You have to understand, if I even put 9 and 11 within close proximity of each other, the terrorists win. Let me separate those up and try it again. If I even put 9 and within close proximity of each other, the terrorists win. That about brings us up to speed. If you’re old enough to read this book, I’m assuming you lived through the modern day events, which kind of disqualifies them as being events of history just yet. 11. Nowadays the political parties that used to make sense have lost their way. The anti-slavery, anti-government, anti-establishment, pro-working man, high-tariff approving, anti-spending Republican Party is now the pro-religion (aka pro-slavery), big corporation protecting, low tax on the wealthy, let’s increase our defense budget, Patriot Act implementing party. The Democrats used to be called the Jeffersonian Republicans and favored a government that emphasized the rights of the individual and opposed a national bank. They embraced the donkey symbol (intended as an insult to Andrew Jack(ass)son) because they felt it represented the common man. They were the party of the south and wanted all the states’ rights and land benefits they could reap. Now they are the party of big government, welfare, pensions, and Nazi-apologist socialists (whoops, I accidentally used Conservapedia as my source). So to sum up, how do I feel about America and what future do I think lies ahead?

“America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.”

-E.E. Cummings


http://www.amazon.com/No-Hope-Humanity-B...rian+shuty

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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30-12-2013, 01:51 AM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
BC, I think you're a very talented writer, and I enjoy reading what you write, but am not too sure what I think of this. Except for the claim of "civilized", (by the Europeans), what was done to the present "Native Americans" is exactly what all human groups before them had done to them for about 200,000 - 400,000 years. One group violently supplanted the group before it, (as they did to the group who were "native" here before them). They are entirely non-unique. It doesn't justify it, and perhaps that cycle has come to an end, but judging prior cycle cultures by current standards what was done by others with other standards, seems unfair, or rather pointless, to me. Just my opinion. Yeah lots of treaties were broken, and the ones that we can remedy maybe we should offer reparations for, but the process of "supplantation" (or conquering) was how humans moved around the Earth ever since they left Africa. The current NA's were just the latest, not the only, by far. The rest of the piece is too long to criticize. So yeah, I like you as a writer. There's something else gnawing at me about this, but I have to think about it before I say more. Good job, tho.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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30-12-2013, 08:52 AM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
(30-12-2013 01:51 AM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  BC, I think you're a very talented writer, and I enjoy reading what you write, but am not too sure what I think of this. Except for the claim of "civilized", (by the Europeans), what was done to the present "Native Americans" is exactly what all human groups before them had done to them for about 200,000 - 400,000 years. One group violently supplanted the group before it, (as they did to the group who were "native" here before them). They are entirely non-unique. It doesn't justify it, and perhaps that cycle has come to an end, but judging prior cycle cultures by current standards what was done by others with other standards, seems unfair, or rather pointless, to me. Just my opinion. Yeah lots of treaties were broken, and the ones that we can remedy maybe we should offer reparations for, but the process of "supplantation" (or conquering) was how humans moved around the Earth ever since they left Africa. The current NA's were just the latest, not the only, by far. The rest of the piece is too long to criticize. So yeah, I like you as a writer. There's something else gnawing at me about this, but I have to think about it before I say more. Good job, tho.

I do have a bit of a problem with the Natives lived in harmony with the land like they were some kind of Hippy Commune before the White man showed up. This is utterly false. The Native Population lived in such as way that if they would ever would have gotten to the number of White settlers that eventually arrived they would have decimated the ecosystems of the land. We know for a fact they would kill entire herds of Buffalo by driving them off a cliff and would leave most of them to rot because they could only use about 10% of what they killed. This was a yearly event for them as well. It is a bit of revisionist history to think that the Natives were more in touch with the earth, they were living in a hunter gatherer society, for the most part and as such would use as many resources as they could.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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30-12-2013, 01:14 PM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
It is ridiculously long. Just pick out random sections. The piece is meant to be 49% historic and 51% humor. Like a jaunty tour of the country given by a historian who has had too much LSD and is now wearing a top hat. Why is there so much defense of the slaughtering of the Native Americans? Yes, it happened all the time in other countries. Yes, they weren't necessarily peaceful creatures living in a utopia. Does that mean that the Trail of Tears and all the murder, rape, religion, and torture we inflicted on them was justified? We dicked them over. Hard, fast, and without any lube.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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30-12-2013, 01:22 PM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
(30-12-2013 01:14 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  It is ridiculously long. Just pick out random sections. The piece is meant to be 49% historic and 51% humor. Like a jaunty tour of the country given by a historian who has had too much LSD and is now wearing a top hat. Why is there so much defense of the slaughtering of the Native Americans? Yes, it happened all the time in other countries. Yes, they weren't necessarily peaceful creatures living in a utopia. Does that mean that the Trail of Tears and all the murder, rape, religion, and torture we inflicted on them was justified? We dicked them over. Hard, fast, and without any lube.

I label it properly as Genocide. A highly successful Genocide at that. But it is not really much different from any other genocide. I just object to painting the natives into a fairy tale existence, they had their good points and bad but they were human and so were the Europeans that supplanted them.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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30-12-2013, 03:25 PM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
(30-12-2013 01:14 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  It is ridiculously long. Just pick out random sections. The piece is meant to be 49% historic and 51% humor. Like a jaunty tour of the country given by a historian who has had too much LSD and is now wearing a top hat. Why is there so much defense of the slaughtering of the Native Americans? Yes, it happened all the time in other countries. Yes, they weren't necessarily peaceful creatures living in a utopia. Does that mean that the Trail of Tears and all the murder, rape, religion, and torture we inflicted on them was justified? We dicked them over. Hard, fast, and without any lube.

What you mean 'we', Kemosabe?

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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30-12-2013, 03:41 PM (This post was last modified: 30-12-2013 04:32 PM by Regular_Joe.)
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
I'll be back to read this the whole way through, but for now I want to say "I" never killed or raped anyone (Native American or not).

So far, I'm catching the 51% humor.

"Bill Clinton got a blowjob" indeed. LOL

Edit: Printing all 4190 words to share with my 16 year old!
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30-12-2013, 04:23 PM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
Not too fond of how you worded some things but it's a good read. Good job~

Bury me with my guns on, so when I reach the other side - I can show him what it feels like to die.
Bury me with my guns on, so when I'm cast out of the sky, I can shoot the devil right between the eyes.
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30-12-2013, 04:27 PM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
Godfuckingdamnit Buddy... you make a great, long, luxurious, post ... right when I have to go to work. Fuck.

Oh well, I guess it will make me drive that much faster to get back and read it. Dodgy kick ass job, man.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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30-12-2013, 11:16 PM
RE: History of America as seen through the eyes of Buddy Christ (an excerpt)
(30-12-2013 03:25 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(30-12-2013 01:14 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Chas dicked them over. Hard, fast, and without any lube.

What you mean 'we', Kemosabe?

Fixed.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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