Hmm.... feelings...
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10-04-2017, 12:37 AM
Hmm.... feelings...
I'm not sure I really want to talk about it. I'm not sure there's anything I even for me to talk about.

I feel like I want to take my skin off and disappear from myself for a while. Sure as hell isn't a desire to run away from anyone, I've only seen one other human in the last month practically lol.

I suppose it feels like everything inside me has grown so large that my skin is struggling to hold me inside, yet I have no place to go, no way out.

I guess I'll just settle for telling anyone who can hear,
"Panic Attacks" SUCK!

I'm sure it'll pass in a few days and I can stop worrying about things I simply can't change.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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10-04-2017, 12:46 AM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
Panic attacks are the worst! Sorry you feel this way. They do pass, but in the mean time they feel indefinite. Something (backed by science) I've learnt (from my doctor) is that if you say random numbers (or objects) in your head the the anxiety and panic lessens significantly.

I hope it passes quickly. Hug
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10-04-2017, 12:57 AM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
I'm very sorry for what you're going through Heart I hope you do feel better soon.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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10-04-2017, 01:52 AM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
Hey dude. Smile
If you need to talk just PM me. I hope you're doing better...
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10-04-2017, 03:15 AM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
At work.

Hug
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10-04-2017, 05:12 AM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
(10-04-2017 12:37 AM)JesseB Wrote:  I'm not sure I really want to talk about it. I'm not sure there's anything I even for me to talk about.

I feel like I want to take my skin off and disappear from myself for a while. Sure as hell isn't a desire to run away from anyone, I've only seen one other human in the last month practically lol.

I suppose it feels like everything inside me has grown so large that my skin is struggling to hold me inside, yet I have no place to go, no way out.

I guess I'll just settle for telling anyone who can hear,
"Panic Attacks" SUCK!

I'm sure it'll pass in a few days and I can stop worrying about things I simply can't change.

I hope you're feeling a little better now. Is there any way for you to get to your doctor for a checkup, or to a therapist for some talk? Sometimes panic attacks are just panic attacks, but also sometimes they're a sign that there's something going wrong with your physical health.

I've had a few panic attacks, mostly while I was driving on highways, and I counted aloud through them. One to twenty, over and over.
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10-04-2017, 07:57 AM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
Thank you everyone

The first time I had a panic attack I was 12? something like that. I've had them kinda regularly since then. I've gotten better at identifying them, I've found what helps most is talking a lot lol. It's tricky finding friends willing to put up with that however. This was my first time trying to talk about my feelings during one, normally I like to talk about various things I've memorized, science news I've learned ect. Just kinda whatever, talking until I feel better. I don't think talking in this thread like.... ended my panic attack last night, but it did seem to help. I slept. I feel a bit better now. I still feel.... tense? but it's not overwhelming at the moment.

I'm kinda done with therapists, I don't feel right paying someone a ton of money to pretend to give a shit. I think real friends would be more useful. It prolly shouldn't be a surprise that I took my friend to the airport so he could go home and the very next day I'm throwing up and feeling sick (I'm not sick, no fever just throwing up n stuff), and having panic attacks. Prolly would have been better not to have had him over for a week in the long run, but.... It was nice having someone here. I simply have to readjust to live as usual.

Thanks for your kind words of support everyone Smile It means a lot.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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10-04-2017, 01:09 PM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
(10-04-2017 07:57 AM)JesseB Wrote:  Thank you everyone

The first time I had a panic attack I was 12? something like that. I've had them kinda regularly since then. I've gotten better at identifying them, I've found what helps most is talking a lot lol. It's tricky finding friends willing to put up with that however. This was my first time trying to talk about my feelings during one, normally I like to talk about various things I've memorized, science news I've learned ect. Just kinda whatever, talking until I feel better. I don't think talking in this thread like.... ended my panic attack last night, but it did seem to help. I slept. I feel a bit better now. I still feel.... tense? but it's not overwhelming at the moment.

I'm kinda done with therapists, I don't feel right paying someone a ton of money to pretend to give a shit. I think real friends would be more useful. It prolly shouldn't be a surprise that I took my friend to the airport so he could go home and the very next day I'm throwing up and feeling sick (I'm not sick, no fever just throwing up n stuff), and having panic attacks. Prolly would have been better not to have had him over for a week in the long run, but.... It was nice having someone here. I simply have to readjust to live as usual.

Thanks for your kind words of support everyone Smile It means a lot.

It is difficult to find others willing to put up with your anxiety if you have panic attacks often but the value in finding them is immense. Smile

I wouldn't give up with therapy though, if it means anything. I find that therapists aren't meant to care (which sucks) but just to be doctors and help you recover. I know you have a lot to recover from, as well...
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10-04-2017, 04:40 PM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
(10-04-2017 01:09 PM)Larai19 Wrote:  
(10-04-2017 07:57 AM)JesseB Wrote:  Thank you everyone

The first time I had a panic attack I was 12? something like that. I've had them kinda regularly since then. I've gotten better at identifying them, I've found what helps most is talking a lot lol. It's tricky finding friends willing to put up with that however. This was my first time trying to talk about my feelings during one, normally I like to talk about various things I've memorized, science news I've learned ect. Just kinda whatever, talking until I feel better. I don't think talking in this thread like.... ended my panic attack last night, but it did seem to help. I slept. I feel a bit better now. I still feel.... tense? but it's not overwhelming at the moment.

I'm kinda done with therapists, I don't feel right paying someone a ton of money to pretend to give a shit. I think real friends would be more useful. It prolly shouldn't be a surprise that I took my friend to the airport so he could go home and the very next day I'm throwing up and feeling sick (I'm not sick, no fever just throwing up n stuff), and having panic attacks. Prolly would have been better not to have had him over for a week in the long run, but.... It was nice having someone here. I simply have to readjust to live as usual.

Thanks for your kind words of support everyone Smile It means a lot.

It is difficult to find others willing to put up with your anxiety if you have panic attacks often but the value in finding them is immense. Smile

I wouldn't give up with therapy though, if it means anything. I find that therapists aren't meant to care (which sucks) but just to be doctors and help you recover. I know you have a lot to recover from, as well...

I think I've been doing ok without therapy, or rather about the same either way. I'm not sure I need to recover as much as I simply need to find a healthier better environment, no therapist can fix that. I know I've been through a lot of shit, most guys have eh? It's not that big a deal, the things that get to me aren't the things in the past. It's frustrations at the present situations. I'm sure there's mistakes I have made, and continue to make that contribute to those hardships, I actively analyze my behavior to identify things I could/can do better.

I managed to change my environment. I mean one thing didn't change, I was still isolated and alone, but I had a nice car, a nice job, a nice place to live. And despite a lack of companionship, I did date a lot (prolly too much, I should have dated far less and just kept the extra money in savings). After things went to shit and I ended up here, I started reflecting and am struggling to find the motivation to get that lifestyle back, my entire reason for having that lifestyle was to attract a mate. Personally I need almost nothing to be happy. I don't have a reason to improve my environment when the only thing I would want isn't going to happen either way. That's pretty much where I've been, I don't particularly like this, but I also don't see that changing regardless of ANY action I take.

I don't think I'm depressed. Despair would be a far more accurate term a complete inability to hope anymore, and yet... 90% of the time I'm really not that fussed, its like accepting that I'll die and fade away into nothingness. It's not up to me, reality is. So most of the time I feel pretty OK and calm. When I think about this I imagine I'm living in a dystopian story where nothing good has ever or will ever happen. It makes me laugh cause I'm a sick fuck like that haha.

Knowing all this, I choose to live my life the best I know how. Live my life in a way that makes me happy. But to regain hope? Well.... you know what they say... Love conquers all. If only love was real, if only I found it, then I'd get my hope back. Only then would my raison d'être be returned.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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10-04-2017, 04:46 PM
RE: Hmm.... feelings...
As for panic attacks it's prolly mostly genetic, triggered by the sudden adjustment to going from having a guest living with me for a whole week back to almost total isolation. It's just an adjustment, something to deal with. Nothing is going to fix it, and I don't think anything should fix it. If I stopped caring about being alone I would become a psychopath, just like some of the girls I've dated.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
Big Grin
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