Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
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17-05-2012, 10:20 AM
Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
I saw this as I was driving to work today. One of the locals had it as a sticker that stretched all the way across the back window of his minivan. Now this is, again, just alluding to Paschal's Wager. There is a probability that God and hell is real, so do you really want to risk your eternal soul given that this MIGHT be true?

Well, what are the odds of this? I guess there's a probability that the monster under my bed I feared as a child was real and he will kill and eat me in my sleep. Now the odds that is true are so slim, that I just don't fear that anymore. To be sure, I recently did an experiment and visually verified that no monster was there under my bed at night. It was 1:45am. The bedroom was completely dark and I really did check under the bed. Just to be on the safe side, I grabbed my trusty Glock 23 40 caliber handgun I use as 'prowler repellant' out of the nightstand, just in case the monster was really there and wanted to tango, and energized the fore end weapon light. Then, pulling back the bed-skirt, I scanned the cavity under the bed with the weapon. Nothing. No Monster there, just empty space and dusty - need to run the vacuum under there a few times. Damn. And I was so hoping to have that monster stuffed and mounted in the morning.

I then checked the sock drawer for miniature blue nosed unicorns. Now these critters are pretty benevolent so the Glock wasn't necessary as a backup, but still the same result. I never saw anything in the sock drawer that indicated unicorns were there - no fur, no droppings, etc. Pity. I wanted a new pet.

I did the same tests for God and for hell. I went looking for God. If God did exist, He must abide somewhere. It's said that God lives in one's heart, but I've had a thoracic MRI and chest X-Ray. My heart looks healthy and normal but no God there. I've looked for signs and evidence of a 'footprint' of God on earth and in the cosmos. Sadly the same tests yielded the same fruitless results. No signs of the presence on an intelligent entity there as well. Black holes might be like hell - inescapable, dark and hot. Televangelist and fear pimp Jack Van Impe won an IgNobel Prize for that back in 2001 for proposing that as well. But no God - nowhere. Just empty, expanding space, dark matter the cosmic microwave footprint of the Big Bang.

So I've concluded that questions like What-If-God-Is_Real are silly if there's no reason to believe these are highly probable. But it made me think of a few more questions that are equally ignorable as Paschal's Wager.


What if the sun doesn't set tonight but just tap dances along the horizon?

What if it IS easy being cheesy?

What if I really can eat just one Lays potato chip?

What if Patrick Swazye really is right and Pain Don't Hurt?

What if dyslexic patriots think this is One Nation Under Dog?

What if Mikey secretly doesn't like Life cereal?

What if Captain Kirk simply went where everyone had gone before - and did it in a cowardly manner?

What if Trix is for rabbits and not for kids?

What if you can square a circle?

What if Jesus couldn't walk on water but hated swimming?

What if Yosemite Sam didn't hates that rabbit?

What if the world could know how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie center?

What if the states are really colored differently, just like on a map?

What if I am, in fact, a turnip?

What if Xenu really did dump frozen aliens in Hawaiian volcanoes and blow them up with H-Bombs?

What if monosyllable had only one syllable?

What if Karl Pilkington is a genius and Ricky and Steve are nutters?

What if killer whales only committed manslaughter?

What if Jimmy cracks corn and no one really does care?

What if rhinoceroses could fly by blowing bubbles out of their asses?

What if Cobra and GI Joe could get along?

What if a telescope was both a scope and a telephone?

What if Wile E Coyote caught the Roadrunner?

What if Bhudda is right? Or Zeus? Or Loki?

What if a chicken could vote?

What if heaven is a place on earth and ooohhh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

What if you're asking pointless, stupid questions?

What if inside-out isn't either?

What if airplanes could plane air?

What if the Coco Puffs bird wasn't cuckoo for Coco Puffs?


And, most importantly,

What if the Bible is wrong? How much of your life, time, energy, and effort are wasted?

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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17-05-2012, 10:31 AM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
If that book is true and god is real, then everyone except for the tiniest portion are going to hell. Shrimp anyone?

“Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.”
—Thomas Henry Huxley
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17-05-2012, 10:36 AM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
(17-05-2012 10:20 AM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  What if I am, in fact, a turnip?

I knew it!

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17-05-2012, 11:16 AM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
From a friend: "What if 2B pencils are actually secret power cells, and every time we use a 2B pencil to shade on the marking sheet, we are essentially powering the world as the sheet goes through the optical marking machine?"

Pascal's Wager is a joke. Will God be so foolish to not be able to differentiate those who sincerely believe and those who believe for a one way ticket to heaven. I believe God has the power to know, he is omniscient according to theists Smile

What if Wile E Coyote caught the Roadrunner?




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Have you ever tried taking a comfort blanket away from a small child? - DLJ
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17-05-2012, 11:23 AM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
Then God is a jackass.
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17-05-2012, 11:32 AM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
My answer is always ... So the fuck what?

I can't be comfortable worshiping something that can be the root cause of so much evil, especially when that very thing is capable of stopping such things before they even begin. I firmly believe that anyone that can feel comfortable worshiping something that is inherently evil has something wrong with them upstairs.

I have heard Christians praise their "loving" god, and talk about how evil satan worshipers are. I don't get that. How evil is satan? And let's say he got his rocks off by torturing people all day long, would it matter? I mean it's his job. Do you hate the toll booth operator for the toll booth? Or do you just kind of think he's a dink because he has that job? Now it's cool to hate the government as a whole but is it right to hate everyone working within it? I mean there must be good people working for the government so it would just be bigoted hatred. Full of ignorance. But to hate the government itself makes perfect sense. Or the guy running the country. That makes sense too. He makes the big decisions, and with the presidents veto power he can essentially do what he wants. But to hate the guy who works at the voting station makes no sense.

So Christians show me this loving God (KC is excluded as he has already stated God is not all loving.) is he loving when he cures the cancer of your grandmother? Who gave it to her? And why didn't he cure the little girl who has only lived for six years? Love is unconditional. God sends you to hell. Also it's a parents job to want the best and provide what they can to its children. Not to set ridiculous standards for the intent of only satisfying yourself and then punishing all who do not fill this ideal. Not to mention punishing people who haven't even done anything wrong.

I am rambling. Not even sure what I'm saying. I've been on dope for a couple days, excuse me.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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17-05-2012, 11:40 AM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
(17-05-2012 10:20 AM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  What if rhinoceroses could fly by blowing bubbles out of their asses?
You mean, they don't?


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A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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17-05-2012, 01:03 PM (This post was last modified: 17-05-2012 01:13 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
(17-05-2012 10:20 AM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  I saw this as I was driving to work today. Now this is, again, just alluding to Paschal's Wager. There is a probability that God and hell is real, so do you really want to risk your eternal soul given that this MIGHT be true?


Since there are almost as many views of these matters in "the" Bible, as there are books in the Bible, I guess they have a problem here, to begin with. But not to worry I won't bore you with yet another class in Bible shit.

But I WOULD like to propose an equation for the probability part. Since in a probability equation, probabilities are not added, but multipled, it can be known as Bucky's Equation. I will insert VERY conservative values, and see what we cook up here. I always meant to try this ...

a. the probability that an actual "place" or "state of being" called "hell" exists, (since it changed and started long before the bible, and changed AFTER "Sheol" was named in the Old Testament). Proposed value : .25 (very generous 25%)

b. the probability that an actual "place" called "heaven" exists. (Generous) : .25.

c. The probability that an (unnecessary) First Cause "caused" the the universe : .10

d. The probability that that First Cause, having "caused 600,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars, and the form of life known on ONE of it's planets, thinks of itself as "personal), is a "person", (since that's all we can imagine). .05

e. The probabilty that "salvation" is true, since Jeebus never said one word about it : .05

f. The probability that a "loving god" would send creatures to a gazillion years of hellfire, for one bad deed : 0.05

g. The probabilty that one could "transition", ie CHANGE one's ontological state of being, in a non-temporal/non-spacial environment : .005

h. The probability that "consciousness" (a PROCESS), somehow is "ongoing" in a non-temporal environment : 0.01.

Very generous solution : .25 x .25 x .10 x .05 x .05 x .0005 x .005 x .0001 (still at 10 decimal places) = ... 0 ... (Nada ... Zip)


The end.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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17-05-2012, 01:08 PM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
If the bible is true then I'd rather be in hell with my friends.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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17-05-2012, 01:17 PM
RE: Hmmmmm......What if the Bible is real?
Yeah, in hell we will have all the hookers and blow.

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