Holier than thou
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08-07-2013, 04:30 PM
Holier than thou
Hello. My name is Chas and I am 28 years old. I have been married to my husband for just about 6 years. I inherited quite the family and sometimes I do not even know what to think. One family member in particular has me scratching my head.

My sister in - law is a tea-party Christian. I have never had any issues with her because she had refused to be a part of the family up til recently. When she became pregnant with twins, it seem to bring the family closer together. I planned her a baby shower, and tried to be a good sister- in law. She did not seem impressed by my baby shower, and did not even take pictures at it. She did take pictures at the one that was thrown by the religious family members. She raved about the Noah's Ark cake, and thanked everyone publicly on facebook. All my effort was overlooked because I am the infidel.

Sadly, my sister in-law lost one of her twins. Her daughter was born stillborn. I had no idea how to react, and I could not leave my children at the time to go see her. She lives over an hour away. So I sent some flowers with a card that said a simple "We love you."

Once she was released from the hospital, my family came and visited her. She had a friend there and pretty much ignored us. Even though it was planned for us to come over. I was a little upset but I let it go because I knew she had been through the unimaginable, and tried not to take it personally.

There was a honey moon period after she had my nephew, we talked often and seemed to connect. It lasted for a month or so, and then everything went back to normal. She stopped communicating with my family, and when asked why she told my mother in-law that my family is going to hell. She makes excuses to why she cannot attend my children's birthday parties, and then I would see pictures of her at her husband's family or a friends birthday party. There is always an excuse.

The one thing I think that hurts my husband and I the most is that we were not listed in her daughter's obituary, and either were our children. My husband is not her bio brother but they were raised together, and her father adopted my husband when he was a year old. I am guessing it has something to do with us being atheists. All her Christian family members were listed. Regardless the reason it really hurt.

I have no idea what I should do. I thought about asking her, but now she is going through a divorce with her husband, and I do not want to cause her more pain. Maybe it's better not to do anything. I just wish she would see that family is family regardless of beliefs. Seems like a wasted life to shut people out because they do not believe in the same god as you. Any advice is appreciated or even a personal story. Thanks for readingSmile
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08-07-2013, 04:41 PM
RE: Holier than thou
Im sorry for both you and your sister in law.
Especially her.
You seem like a nice lady and if she doesnt want to see you or your family,then its her fault if she doesnt know what she misses Smile
advice...advice....eh...i dont have any ;(
ow wait...i know.
Maybe she will eventually see that family is family no matter what beliefs.
Maybe she will see that you are just as good or even better than religious people.
You shouldnt confront her,she might see it as an atack.

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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08-07-2013, 04:45 PM
RE: Holier than thou
Wow -- how incredibly sad and I'm sorry your loss.

It's sad and unfortunate they can't see you as simply people.

You're not alone.

But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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08-07-2013, 04:46 PM (This post was last modified: 08-07-2013 04:51 PM by yumeji.)
RE: Holier than thou
So she likes to take take take, but never give back even a simple thank you. What a person.

You have done a lot to try to repair the bridge. But it is burned, and should be left that way. Honestly, you should be commended for trying as hard as you have, but as difficult as it may be to do now: you must let them go. Cut ties and move on with your life. Enough is enough and you have suffered too much from their idiotic views as is.

This doesn't mean you can't try to reconnect at a later time, but at the very least give your self some separation time, especially considering all of these events you have described.

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08-07-2013, 04:55 PM
RE: Holier than thou
She will eventually see that family is family no matter what beliefs, and even if she doesn't, it's there in solid that you always stood as family to her, even if she didn't acknowledge it. I convey immense respect for being as caring and patient as you have- you are very persistent, and that is admirable. I also express my condolences for your sister in-law's losses.

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08-07-2013, 05:56 PM
RE: Holier than thou
I think you have done your duty, you tried and she rejected connection. Just walk away, there is no need to feel guilty, you don't need her approval. I would probably tell her the truth..."Look I know you don't like me and I'm done trying to change that, if you ever decide that you want to change I'll be here, otherwise have a nice life."

I have a sister-in-law to be who is the epitome of the word 'bitch.' I tried to be nice but she has always hated me (and just about everyone else in the world) so at some point I had to stop trying. I feign friendliness when I have too and just ignore her or avoid her otherwise.

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