Homophobia and straight people
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10-12-2013, 10:20 AM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
I think it has a lot to do with social and religious programing. So, using myself as an example...

I'm a straight man who grew up in a fundamentalist household, church and school. I had no interaction with people I knew to be gay (all though it turns out that two guys in my high school class came out as gay later) and was constantly told that it was an abomination. That, combined with the other religious indoctrination regarding the sinfulness of even "normal" sex, caused gay sex to be strongly linked to the disgust centers of my brain. As a result, I actually feel slightly physically ill by the idea of gay sex (similar to how I'd react by opening an old container in the fridge and finding everything covered with mold).

I've made some progress but still have a lot of work to do on myself in this area, but one of my first steps in the right direction was realizing that just because I don't like something doesn't mean other people shouldn't be allowed to do it. That happened as a result of trying to develop internally consistent political views.

Then, somewhere during my deconversion process I also let go of the idea that it was morally wrong. First by realizing that some of the passages used to justify homophobia (e.g. the story of Sodom and Gomorrah) didn't necessarily condemn homosexuality and finally by coming to the conclusion that Bible isn't a good place to look for morality at all.

So, even though I will vote and speak out on the side of LGBT rights and marriage equality, I have to admit that I would be disappointed if I had a gay son. I wouldn't kick him out or disown him or anything, but, in all honesty, I would feel disappointed and until I get past that and feeling uncomfortable seeing gay men display affection for each other, I don't think I can claim to be fully non-homophobic.

Does that help answer the question?

And I told him "that's crazy..." Unsure
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10-12-2013, 01:17 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
(10-12-2013 10:20 AM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  I think it has a lot to do with social and religious programing. So, using myself as an example...

I'm a straight man who grew up in a fundamentalist household, church and school. I had no interaction with people I knew to be gay (all though it turns out that two guys in my high school class came out as gay later) and was constantly told that it was an abomination. That, combined with the other religious indoctrination regarding the sinfulness of even "normal" sex, caused gay sex to be strongly linked to the disgust centers of my brain. As a result, I actually feel slightly physically ill by the idea of gay sex (similar to how I'd react by opening an old container in the fridge and finding everything covered with mold).

I've made some progress but still have a lot of work to do on myself in this area, but one of my first steps in the right direction was realizing that just because I don't like something doesn't mean other people shouldn't be allowed to do it. That happened as a result of trying to develop internally consistent political views.

Then, somewhere during my deconversion process I also let go of the idea that it was morally wrong. First by realizing that some of the passages used to justify homophobia (e.g. the story of Sodom and Gomorrah) didn't necessarily condemn homosexuality and finally by coming to the conclusion that Bible isn't a good place to look for morality at all.

So, even though I will vote and speak out on the side of LGBT rights and marriage equality, I have to admit that I would be disappointed if I had a gay son. I wouldn't kick him out or disown him or anything, but, in all honesty, I would feel disappointed and until I get past that and feeling uncomfortable seeing gay men display affection for each other, I don't think I can claim to be fully non-homophobic.

Does that help answer the question?

May I suggest watching gay themed movies or pictures? nothing pornographic of course, but I found that the more used to a stimulus I am the easier is to interpret it rationally.
So, if you want to shed that gut feeling about gay men display of affection then maybe that can be a useful technique.
Also remember you may have a lesbian daughter :O

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10-12-2013, 01:24 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
(10-12-2013 01:17 PM)nach_in Wrote:  
(10-12-2013 10:20 AM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  I think it has a lot to do with social and religious programing. So, using myself as an example...

I'm a straight man who grew up in a fundamentalist household, church and school. I had no interaction with people I knew to be gay (all though it turns out that two guys in my high school class came out as gay later) and was constantly told that it was an abomination. That, combined with the other religious indoctrination regarding the sinfulness of even "normal" sex, caused gay sex to be strongly linked to the disgust centers of my brain. As a result, I actually feel slightly physically ill by the idea of gay sex (similar to how I'd react by opening an old container in the fridge and finding everything covered with mold).

I've made some progress but still have a lot of work to do on myself in this area, but one of my first steps in the right direction was realizing that just because I don't like something doesn't mean other people shouldn't be allowed to do it. That happened as a result of trying to develop internally consistent political views.

Then, somewhere during my deconversion process I also let go of the idea that it was morally wrong. First by realizing that some of the passages used to justify homophobia (e.g. the story of Sodom and Gomorrah) didn't necessarily condemn homosexuality and finally by coming to the conclusion that Bible isn't a good place to look for morality at all.

So, even though I will vote and speak out on the side of LGBT rights and marriage equality, I have to admit that I would be disappointed if I had a gay son. I wouldn't kick him out or disown him or anything, but, in all honesty, I would feel disappointed and until I get past that and feeling uncomfortable seeing gay men display affection for each other, I don't think I can claim to be fully non-homophobic.

Does that help answer the question?

May I suggest watching gay themed movies or pictures? nothing pornographic of course, but I found that the more used to a stimulus I am the easier is to interpret it rationally.
So, if you want to shed that gut feeling about gay men display of affection then maybe that can be a useful technique.
Also remember you may have a lesbian daughter :O

In & Out is a FABULOUS! place to start. We watch it frequently.

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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10-12-2013, 01:36 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
(10-12-2013 01:24 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  
(10-12-2013 01:17 PM)nach_in Wrote:  May I suggest watching gay themed movies or pictures? nothing pornographic of course, but I found that the more used to a stimulus I am the easier is to interpret it rationally.
So, if you want to shed that gut feeling about gay men display of affection then maybe that can be a useful technique.
Also remember you may have a lesbian daughter :O

In & Out is a FABULOUS! place to start. We watch it frequently.

Never watched it, just saw the trailer... that's SO offensive Girl_nails

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10-12-2013, 01:38 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
(10-12-2013 01:36 PM)nach_in Wrote:  
(10-12-2013 01:24 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  In & Out is a FABULOUS! place to start. We watch it frequently.

Never watched it, just saw the trailer... that's SO offensive Girl_nails

Sorry, don't think I understand you. The trailer is offensive or my comment was? Or is this the type of sarcasm I have trouble recognizing?

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10-12-2013, 01:46 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
(10-12-2013 01:38 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  
(10-12-2013 01:36 PM)nach_in Wrote:  Never watched it, just saw the trailer... that's SO offensive Girl_nails

Sorry, don't think I understand you. The trailer is offensive or my comment was? Or is this the type of sarcasm I have trouble recognizing?

the trailer is offensive, but in a very picky and annoying way, it was just a joke Wink

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11-12-2013, 01:04 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
I'm not sure it's a fear. It's more along the lines of hatred and disgust. "Phobia" might be a misnomer.
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11-12-2013, 08:30 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
I'm only homophobic around people that think they are straight, but are obviously gay.

You have to be invited to the intimate zone FFS
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11-12-2013, 10:18 PM
RE: Homophobia and straight people
I'm partial to The Birdcage. Wink

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