Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
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16-03-2016, 03:04 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
The following has nothing to do with gayness, but similar in a fashion.
I never noticed that I did so, but I was with my sister (both of us are of retirement age) and she asked me why I, as a man, thought it was OK to call women I don't even know "Hun, or Babe " I told her i didn't know, then the next day I was in Home Depot and the lady working there said "Hey Honey, Can I help you find something?" My sister was around the corner so the employee couldn't see that I was "with" anyone. I told sister on the way home, and she basically called me a liar. She had never heard any such talk! This was all happening in Maine, far from "The South."
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16-03-2016, 03:09 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
I call people doll and hun occasionally.
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16-03-2016, 03:10 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(16-03-2016 02:19 PM)Deesse23 Wrote:  
Quote:an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something

What can a gay person threaten you with, by sitting (my guess now) thousands of miles away at his keyboard?
Nothing!
Your fear is thus irrational.
You are homophobic.
Next.

Oh, and by rewording your condition to "homo-cautious" you are just intellectually dishonest with yourself. You wont be able to deal with your phobia as long as you dont admit to it in the first place.
This is a perfect example of how "normal" people does not understand the world the same way people with autism do.

Why did you assume it was a fear if what he will do?
Why did you express so much certainty?
What explicit words have I used to express that I feared what he will do?
Is it possible you have labelled me not because of my own words but because of your own personal experience closely related to the topic?

The answer to your question is:
It's a fear of what I will do if it continues. I may not know him but I understand myself enough to that it can affect me negatively.
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16-03-2016, 03:56 PM (This post was last modified: 16-03-2016 04:27 PM by carol.)
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(16-03-2016 03:10 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 02:19 PM)Deesse23 Wrote:  What can a gay person threaten you with, by sitting (my guess now) thousands of miles away at his keyboard?
Nothing!
Your fear is thus irrational.
You are homophobic.
Next.

Oh, and by rewording your condition to "homo-cautious" you are just intellectually dishonest with yourself. You wont be able to deal with your phobia as long as you dont admit to it in the first place.
This is a perfect example of how "normal" people does not understand the world the same way people with autism do.

Why did you assume it was a fear if what he will do?
Why did you express so much certainty?
What explicit words have I used to express that I feared what he will do?
Is it possible you have labelled me not because of my own words but because of your own personal experience closely related to the topic?

The answer to your question is:
It's a fear of what I will do if it continues. I may not know him but I understand myself enough to that it can affect me negatively.

Hi again,

For about half of my career, I worked with people who have autism and other neurological differences, doing cognitive remediation, providing assistive devices, teaching, doing some research and so on. I have taken lot of courses about the biology that may be associated with autism, although it is brand new science and people are just learning about it. Because people are just learning about it, anything I offer is based upon small studies and the work that I used to do. I am no expert, but am more knowledgeable than many "neuro-typical" people.

Because your fear is based upon your internal response,( because you already know how you will react to the fear)...the fear is something internal and not caused by what the other person has said, but by your own reaction. Can you understand that if you are having an internal reaction- something you are causing yourself to feel...that it is something you are accountable for?
Fear is something you can learn about, and challenge yourself about, so you do not have to feel it as strongly or as often. Instead of looking outside of yourself for other people to feel cautious about, if you learn how to handle your own reaction, you will be free of it.

As an aside, Shane, because people with autism often have grown up with a long history of people reacting negatively to them as children, ( through absolutely no fault of their own, just because of the awkward social interactions they have had ) there have been some studies about how they sometimes have developed some fear/anxiety. I am not tossing these out to label you or insult you...and do not want you to feel like I am trying to harm you. However, there are ways you can work on the fear responses that you may have so that you can feel less cautious. It is uncomfortable to feel that way all of the time. Of course, this may not have anything at all to do with you...only you would know that answer. But please keep in mind that these small studies have no statistical significance and are just the very begnning of understanding how autism works...For example:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...6716300198
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art...6716300137

I have a few other interesting links if you want to PM me...

If your reaction to things is automatically cautious, it is understandable that you would wonder why other people find that unusual...which is why I have taken the perspectve that I have with you. If you are cautious about things in general, it will do you well to examine that, and eliminate it as something to base your opinions on.
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16-03-2016, 04:32 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  My question is:
What do you understand by the word homophobic?

Fear and prejudice.

(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  Is being very cautious when approached by a homosexual person considered homophobic?

Why are you cautious? Do you fear you may be attracted to them? Are they carrying a weapon while looking dangerous? Do you consider them inhuman in some way they may affect you?

(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  Eg. If a known gay person continuously calls you "dear" "sweetie" or "honey" each time they negatively respond to you & you ask them to stop doing that is this being Homophobic.

In my very long experience have worked alongside and become friends with many many gay people in the industry I see this as harmless.Usually it is all an act. Sometimes it may be used to "shock" the more conservative type. Usually a gay man won't speak like that at all. And gay women never do.

Basically they are simply regular people. There is nothing "different" about them.

In fact some of the greatest and most educated conversationalists I have ever met were gay men. Although I've not met them, take both Stephen Fry and Oscar Wilde as examples.

(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  What if he wasn't gay, would you still be justified in asking them to desist?

Why would a heterosexual man speak to another man this way? I have never experienced it.

(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  I think it might be Homophobic but for a good cause. What do you think?

Homophobia is a prejudice like any other, such as racism. In my opinion it is derived from ignorance and foolishness coupled with fear of the "other".

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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16-03-2016, 05:10 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
Quote:Is it possible you have labelled me not because of my own words but because of your own personal experience closely related to the topic?

Remember Paleophytes hint that you double down on bad decisions when you feel threatened by throwing out thinly veiled insults?
Well, looks like he was right.
Are you going to dig deeper on your reputation again now, just like in the other thread? Dont worry, i wont take away your shovel.
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16-03-2016, 05:28 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  My question is:
What do you understand by the word homophobic?

Is being very cautious when approached by a homosexual person considered homophobic?

Eg. If a known gay person continuously calls you "dear" "sweetie" or "honey" each time they negatively respond to you & you ask them to stop doing that is this being Homophobic. What if he wasn't gay, would you still be justified in asking them to desist?

I think it might be Homophobic but for a good cause. What do you think?

From what I remember, phobia doesn't always suggest an actual fear. It's more of an extreme aversion to something. For instance, in chemistry you hear of hydrophobic substances. They're not afraid, they just avoid it. To me, homophobia is an irrational aversion or fear toward gay people. If you're not gay, then why are you worried?

How cautious are you talking? If you mean you'll cross the street to avoid that horrible homosexual, then yeah that's a problem. Cautious would be "I'm not going to call Tim sweetheart because he might think I have a crush on him."

I live in the South. I hear honey, sweetie, dear, darling, etc. I don't even always notice it. Yes, I've been called some of those by gay men. Did they mean it because I'm much younger (for the older ones), or did they think I'm attractive? Don't know, don't care. I've been hit on by so many gay men, I'd be SOL if I got offended by it.

But, really, this is quacking like a duck.
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16-03-2016, 05:38 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  My question is:
What do you understand by the word homophobic?

Is being very cautious when approached by a homosexual person considered homophobic?

Eg. If a known gay person continuously calls you "dear" "sweetie" or "honey" each time they negatively respond to you & you ask them to stop doing that is this being Homophobic. What if he wasn't gay, would you still be justified in asking them to desist?

I think it might be Homophobic but for a good cause. What do you think?

There is no "homophobic for a could cause" that's bullshit!

Are you cautious when you are approached by everyone, if not, you are homophobic. There's no reason to be cautious unless you fear you can't control yourself and you may jump on them at any given moment. Then it is they who should be cautious when approaching you.

If anyone calls you "dear", "honey", "sweetie" in a negative way they are being snarky or condescending... most likely it's because they feel you deserve it, as you are acting a homophobe or some other negative human behavior.

Again, there is no good cause to act like an asshat homophobe. If someone treats you poorly look to your own behavior first. If they continue after you ask them to stop, then avoid them.

It would also behoove you to try and understand why you fear homosexuals because it is a fact that a huge number of homophobes are in fact homosexuals in denial. Maybe you should ask yourself if you are a homosexual in denial? Easily asked, not so easily answered for some.

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16-03-2016, 06:19 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(16-03-2016 05:38 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 09:41 AM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  My question is:
What do you understand by the word homophobic?

Is being very cautious when approached by a homosexual person considered homophobic?

Eg. If a known gay person continuously calls you "dear" "sweetie" or "honey" each time they negatively respond to you & you ask them to stop doing that is this being Homophobic. What if he wasn't gay, would you still be justified in asking them to desist?

I think it might be Homophobic but for a good cause. What do you think?

There is no "homophobic for a could cause" that's bullshit!

Are you cautious when you are approached by everyone, if not, you are homophobic. There's no reason to be cautious unless you fear you can't control yourself and you may jump on them at any given moment. Then it is they who should be cautious when approaching you.

If anyone calls you "dear", "honey", "sweetie" in a negative way they are being snarky or condescending... most likely it's because they feel you deserve it, as you are acting a homophobe or some other negative human behavior.

Again, there is no good cause to act like an asshat homophobe. If someone treats you poorly look to your own behavior first. If they continue after you ask them to stop, then avoid them.

It would also behoove you to try and understand why you fear homosexuals because it is a fact that a huge number of homophobes are in fact homosexuals in denial. Maybe you should ask yourself if you are a homosexual in denial? Easily asked, not so easily answered for some.
You would have to forgive me but I have never had the experience of exercising caution only after investigating the thing that I think I should be cautious about.
It's more of an initial reaction to something strange to me.
Is this not a normal thing to behave in this way or do "normal" people exercise caution only after properly investigating the thing they think they should be cautious about? I don't see the logic in it, but it could just be my autism blinding me from "normal" thinking.

As regards the question of me being a homosexual the answer is I don't know, but I believe I am much closer to straight than gay on the spectrum of sexual preferences.
I'm never absolutely certain of anything if you haven't already realized, but I do know a bit about myself to give myself temporary labels. Gay isn't one of them.

And yes I am cautious when approached by anyone that I don't know very well. Isn't that how most normal people react or is my autism blinding me again?

How did you come to the understanding that the person calling me honey is most likely not using it in a sexually provoking manner? How were you able to rule out the possibility that it has nothing to do with their sexual preferences? Do you throw caution to the wind and assume the best of all strangers you interact with? Is this "normal" behaviour and a possible oversight my autism has once more blinded me from.

I am really interested in your answers. Hopefully it shall give me insight into how "normal" people think.
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16-03-2016, 06:26 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
Just curious you heathens.
Should I be cautious about bisexual people ?
Angel

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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