Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
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19-03-2016, 04:11 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 04:05 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(19-03-2016 03:54 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  I think i am curious about many things actually. My sexual preference isn't one of the questions at the top of my list though,

Girly took in a 15 yo Nigerian American in the 'hood when his mother kicked him out when she found gay porn on his computer. Dude has since gone to be a a successful physical therapist and Baltimore Ravens cheerleader. When he greets me he grabs my package. I tell him, "Dude, ass grabs only. We already talked about this."
What does this mean?
Is there more to this story?
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19-03-2016, 06:36 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 04:11 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  
(19-03-2016 04:05 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Girly took in a 15 yo Nigerian American in the 'hood when his mother kicked him out when she found gay porn on his computer. Dude has since gone to be a a successful physical therapist and Baltimore Ravens cheerleader. When he greets me he grabs my package. I tell him, "Dude, ass grabs only. We already talked about this."
What does this mean?
Is there more to this story?

It means this.

(19-03-2016 04:05 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Girly took in a 15 yo Nigerian American in the 'hood when his mother kicked him out when she found gay porn on his computer. Dude has since gone to be a a successful physical therapist and Baltimore Ravens cheerleader. When he greets me he grabs my package. I tell him, "Dude, ass grabs only. We already talked about this."

#sigh
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19-03-2016, 07:54 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 03:51 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 10:04 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  I think "homophobia" is a colloquial term and not a clinical term, denoting not an extreme or irrational fear of gay folks but rather an intense dislike, revulsion, or hatred of them. If I am right about this, then I think we're in agreement that attaching the suffix "-phobia" is incorrect.

Having said that, I will also say that exercising caution around someone simply because of something so irrelevant to your safety as their sexual preference may perhaps indicate the presence of (perhaps unwitting) bigotry or at the least an irrational dislike. Again, I don't know you and don't know that to be the case, but as someone who knows and loves scads of gay people of both genders, I've found nothing about gayness in and of itself which should recommend caution in dealing with them.

Now, using terms of endearment is, in the culture I grew up in and imbibed, a normal thing between opposite genders, and between women, but not men. And if a guy called me "dear", I might think he's gay, because it is indeed outside the cultural norm, but still I see nothing in that act which recommends "caution" as an appropriate response, which is why I wrote as I did in my preceding paragraph. If it makes me uncomfortable, I might ask him -- or her, if I'm in a committed relationship and it's a woman doing this -- to desist, or as I said earlier, I'd probably simply reduce their presence in my life so that they don't feel so comfortable calling me what I don't like.

Bottom line: I don't know if you're homophobic, but I think it's possible.
It would appear some people think being cautious about gays makes you a jerk. I don't think you are one of them but if you are:
Is being homophobic in this regard being a jerk? Are you making assumptions about me based on the question?
How did you assume my caution was irrelevant? Do you know the life story of the person being cautious?
If your best friend's mom asked you to not talk about her deceased husband at the dinner table would you call her a jerk?

It might be... again for like the 5th time in this thread it would be understandable if you would define whatever the hell being cautious is supposed to mean. And what this potential Jerk would or not be cautious of?

You keep not responding to or just ignoring the part of responses that are blatantly asking what the hell even do you mean by "cautious" or what do you think that entails? What is being cautious around someone?

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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19-03-2016, 08:12 PM (This post was last modified: 19-03-2016 08:15 PM by Agnostic Shane.)
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 07:54 PM)ClydeLee Wrote:  
(19-03-2016 03:51 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  It would appear some people think being cautious about gays makes you a jerk. I don't think you are one of them but if you are:
Is being homophobic in this regard being a jerk? Are you making assumptions about me based on the question?
How did you assume my caution was irrelevant? Do you know the life story of the person being cautious?
If your best friend's mom asked you to not talk about her deceased husband at the dinner table would you call her a jerk?

It might be... again for like the 5th time in this thread it would be understandable if you would define whatever the hell being cautious is supposed to mean. And what this potential Jerk would or not be cautious of?

You keep not responding to or just ignoring the part of responses that are blatantly asking what the hell even do you mean by "cautious" or what do you think that entails? What is being cautious around someone?
Why does caution has to be an act?
I am cautious of anything new, strange or different as far as my awareness is concerned.
Just being cautious in awareness is not enough to label someone as homophobic is it?
It's how you react that can show extreme aversion and irrationality. Is this what you are saying?
Since you are not aware of my reaction you are unable to determine if it is homophobic.

You decide:
I observed female tendencies in someone I thought was straight, thus I had reason to believe they were gay.
They started calling me honey, dear and sweetie repeatedly & it further proved my suspicion that they were gay. It could have been coincidence.
When asked about their sexuality they then admitted they were gay. My suspicion seemed to have been spot on because of their actions. Coincidence?
They continued to call me honey dear and sweetie knowing that I knew they were gay even more often than before.
I eventually asked them very politely to desist. He was blatantly provoking me.

I was then told this is being homophobic. If someone is deliberately provoking you and you politely ask them to stop how is this you being a jerk?
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19-03-2016, 08:15 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
Why would you talk to them, at all, if you got a phobia of 'em? Unsure

I'm arachnophobic, but as long as they don't touch me, or break into my home, I leave 'em alone.

Is there a phobia of being called names like "sweetie", or "dear"? HeyBabyPhobia?

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19-03-2016, 08:20 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 08:15 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Why would you talk to them, at all, if you got a phobia of 'em? Unsure

I'm arachnophobic, but as long as they don't touch me, or break into my home, I leave 'em alone.

Is there a phobia of being called names like "sweetie", or "dear"? HeyBabyPhobia?
I don't think i have a phobia of gay people.
I am just conscious of homosexual activity whenever I interact with people. I'm conscious of many other things as well.
If I have a suspicion that someone is gay and they are directing too much seemingly sexually oriented attention (negative or otherwise) my way I will either avoid them or kindly ask them to desist.

I don't think that's being a jerk.
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19-03-2016, 08:21 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
I'm pretty homo-cautious. When I see anyone from Homo habilis and Homo neanderthalensis, I'm cautious about having any more to drink.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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19-03-2016, 08:21 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 08:12 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  
(19-03-2016 07:54 PM)ClydeLee Wrote:  It might be... again for like the 5th time in this thread it would be understandable if you would define whatever the hell being cautious is supposed to mean. And what this potential Jerk would or not be cautious of?

You keep not responding to or just ignoring the part of responses that are blatantly asking what the hell even do you mean by "cautious" or what do you think that entails? What is being cautious around someone?
Why does caution has to be an act?
I am cautious of anything new, strange or different as far as my awareness is concerned.
Just being cautious in awareness is not enough to label someone as homophobic is it?
It's how you react that can show extreme aversion and irrationality. Is this what you are saying?
Since you are not aware of my reaction you are unable to determine if it is homophobic.

You decide:
I observed female tendencies in someone I thought was straight, thus I had reason to believe they were gay.
They started calling me honey, dear and sweetie repeatedly & it further proved my suspicion that they were gay. It could have been coincidence.
When asked about their sexuality they then admitted they were gay. My suspicion seemed to have been spot on because of their actions. Coincidence?
They continued to call me honey dear and sweetie knowing that I knew they were gay even more often than before.
I eventually asked them very politely to desist. He was blatantly provoking me.

I was then told this is being homophobic. If someone is deliberately provoking you and you politely ask them to stop how is this you being a jerk?

Still at no point have you described what at all cautious is... Only now I can add, it doesn't have to be an act potentially. That's all I have to go off on whatever it is you think "cautious" is.

I'd also say that "blatantly provoking" is a unfounded assumption.

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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19-03-2016, 09:10 PM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 08:21 PM)ClydeLee Wrote:  
(19-03-2016 08:12 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  Why does caution has to be an act?
I am cautious of anything new, strange or different as far as my awareness is concerned.
Just being cautious in awareness is not enough to label someone as homophobic is it?
It's how you react that can show extreme aversion and irrationality. Is this what you are saying?
Since you are not aware of my reaction you are unable to determine if it is homophobic.

You decide:
I observed female tendencies in someone I thought was straight, thus I had reason to believe they were gay.
They started calling me honey, dear and sweetie repeatedly & it further proved my suspicion that they were gay. It could have been coincidence.
When asked about their sexuality they then admitted they were gay. My suspicion seemed to have been spot on because of their actions. Coincidence?
They continued to call me honey dear and sweetie knowing that I knew they were gay even more often than before.
I eventually asked them very politely to desist. He was blatantly provoking me.

I was then told this is being homophobic. If someone is deliberately provoking you and you politely ask them to stop how is this you being a jerk?

Still at no point have you described what at all cautious is... Only now I can add, it doesn't have to be an act potentially. That's all I have to go off on whatever it is you think "cautious" is.

I'd also say that "blatantly provoking" is a unfounded assumption.
You asked me for details of the act. The whole story could be an made up as far as you are concerned. I haven't provided any evidence of what truly occurred.
"Blatantly provoking" is a detail in the story.
Why would you doubt the story teller if you're only trying to follow the story line & give advice based on that story line?
If the story teller lied your advice wouldn't be wrong because it was based on the assumption that the story was true.
Wouldn't it be better to ask the story teller if "blatantly provoking" COULD be an unfounded assumption? Why did you say you think it "is"?
At that point he could give you the details of the "blatant provoking" for you to make a conclusion.
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20-03-2016, 06:46 AM
RE: Homophobic or Homo-Cautious
(19-03-2016 09:10 PM)Agnostic Shane Wrote:  
(19-03-2016 08:21 PM)ClydeLee Wrote:  Still at no point have you described what at all cautious is... Only now I can add, it doesn't have to be an act potentially. That's all I have to go off on whatever it is you think "cautious" is.

I'd also say that "blatantly provoking" is a unfounded assumption.
You asked me for details of the act. The whole story could be an made up as far as you are concerned. I haven't provided any evidence of what truly occurred.
"Blatantly provoking" is a detail in the story.
Why would you doubt the story teller if you're only trying to follow the story line & give advice based on that story line?
If the story teller lied your advice wouldn't be wrong because it was based on the assumption that the story was true.
Wouldn't it be better to ask the story teller if "blatantly provoking" COULD be an unfounded assumption? Why did you say you think it "is"?
At that point he could give you the details of the "blatant provoking" for you to make a conclusion.

It's simple one mindset view. There is no way of knowing what or not the person's intent is. So it's still assumptional to call it blatant. Basically this storyteller would need conscious info they wouldn't know.

I never asked you anything about "the act" you decided to infer that it seems. I asked you, multiple times, as have other posts, what does cautious mean and what would being cautious be?

Why do you continually not respond to this questions? Do you miss them? Do you think you already did so don't have to? Do you not understand the question? ...I'm just asking questions.

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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