How To Cope
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08-02-2017, 03:00 AM
How To Cope
I just found out my grandfather has diabetes. Hard part is, the rest of us can't get candy or types of sugar near him. I knew at first, still got sweets as it's a family of seven sometimes hot him something like a mocca frappe every month or two, but the gravity of it didn't sink in until after I searched up about it.

I feel a bit guilty doing so, thinking I'm sending him to a early grave. But i reason with myself that I didn't know how bad it was or that it was okay for him to have sugar once and a while so long as he didn't have too much. I didn't know... And the guilt, though invalid, it still there.

I'm scared... My grandfather (Who raised me like he was my dad as mine left me before I was born.) may be a crazy religious nut but... I can't lose him. I'm not ready to deal with death, to know I'll never see him again, hear his voice. No

I try so hard not to think about it, but at night it's always the same thought creeping in the back of my mind. I'm old enough to know what death means, to think for myself. But there are times I wish I was naive to the world around me. Seems as a child, you can cope easier with death.

As a young adult, you realize nothing lasts and the ones you love are slipping away too fast for you to deal with. I'm scared, unsure, and holding back tears.

"Governments don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking That is against their interests.
They want obedient workers people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork And just dumb enough to passively accept it."

- George Carlin
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08-02-2017, 07:54 AM
RE: How To Cope
(08-02-2017 03:00 AM)Ruby Crystal Wrote:  I just found out my grandfather has diabetes. Hard part is, the rest of us can't get candy or types of sugar near him. I knew at first, still got sweets as it's a family of seven sometimes hot him something like a mocca frappe every month or two, but the gravity of it didn't sink in until after I searched up about it.

I feel a bit guilty doing so, thinking I'm sending him to a early grave. But i reason with myself that I didn't know how bad it was or that it was okay for him to have sugar once and a while so long as he didn't have too much. I didn't know... And the guilt, though invalid, it still there.

I'm scared... My grandfather (Who raised me like he was my dad as mine left me before I was born.) may be a crazy religious nut but... I can't lose him. I'm not ready to deal with death, to know I'll never see him again, hear his voice. No

I try so hard not to think about it, but at night it's always the same thought creeping in the back of my mind. I'm old enough to know what death means, to think for myself. But there are times I wish I was naive to the world around me. Seems as a child, you can cope easier with death.

As a young adult, you realize nothing lasts and the ones you love are slipping away too fast for you to deal with. I'm scared, unsure, and holding back tears.

Death is part of life. Actually, the younger you are, the scarier death is. That is to protect our species - the fear of death doesn't start to decline until you are well past child rearing age and your peers die. I don't know how old your grandpa is, but could be that he has started making peace with death.

When you think about death, you need to be a bit selfless and think about the person who is dying. Are they having a hard time in life? Are they looking forward to the peace yet? There comes a time when death is welcome.

So, death does not look the same to all people, and it won't continue to look the same to you, either.

All that said, I am sorry your grandpa has diabetes. Many people live long, happy lives on diabetes, it just needs to be managed properly. Make sure he stays on his meds and eats well and he may well be with you for a long time yet.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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08-02-2017, 08:37 AM
RE: How To Cope
(08-02-2017 03:00 AM)Ruby Crystal Wrote:  I just found out my grandfather has diabetes. Hard part is, the rest of us can't get candy or types of sugar near him. I knew at first, still got sweets as it's a family of seven sometimes hot him something like a mocca frappe every month or two, but the gravity of it didn't sink in until after I searched up about it.

I feel a bit guilty doing so, thinking I'm sending him to a early grave. But i reason with myself that I didn't know how bad it was or that it was okay for him to have sugar once and a while so long as he didn't have too much. I didn't know... And the guilt, though invalid, it still there.

I'm scared... My grandfather (Who raised me like he was my dad as mine left me before I was born.) may be a crazy religious nut but... I can't lose him. I'm not ready to deal with death, to know I'll never see him again, hear his voice. No

I try so hard not to think about it, but at night it's always the same thought creeping in the back of my mind. I'm old enough to know what death means, to think for myself. But there are times I wish I was naive to the world around me. Seems as a child, you can cope easier with death.

As a young adult, you realize nothing lasts and the ones you love are slipping away too fast for you to deal with. I'm scared, unsure, and holding back tears.

You clearly love your grandpa and would do nothing to intentionally hurt him. Let the guilt go. You can't change the past, you only have control over what you do today and in the future. And, in the here and now, you are doing everything right to help your grandpa: you are learning about diabetes and doing what you can to help him better manage it.

It's hard to lose people we care about. But in some cases, the people we love are still here with us. Don't waste time being sad and thinking about losing them because it only takes away from your experiences with them today. Instead, build some amazing memories with them and enjoy spending time together.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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08-02-2017, 10:02 PM
RE: How To Cope
I am diabetic and my mother and two of my three siblings are/were diabetic. I am responsible for my own health. My wife buys me cookies once in awhile, and it was up to me to tell her not to do that, that I wouldn't eat them. It wasn't her responsibility for thinking of me and getting me something I clearly enjoy.

Similarly your grandfather is (or should be) responsible for his own health decisions. It is not your job to infantalize him and protect him from himself. Now that your level of awareness is raised you can help by not tempting him and by encouraging him to take care of himself, but the other commenters are right, quit with the guilt trip.

As for death, I will be 60 in a few weeks and my fear of death has faded and has been replaced by indifference. I suppose the fact I have lost many loved ones over the years to unnatural causes, has desensitized me. It's like, who's next? Take a number and get in line. As the youngest of four children by a full decade, I will almost certainly be the last one to turn out the lights, so to speak, in my family. I was prepared for this too, when my father died. He was the second-youngest of twelve. The first to go was his twin sister, at age 1. Eventually he died, leaving his youngest sister to weep at his casket. I looked at her and said, that's me in twenty or thirty year's time. Mark it well. Expect it.

It is just part of life. Life is a story with a beginning, a middle, and yes, an end. And that's okay. Living forever is just human vanity and hubris. It's overrated. Imagine watching the world's greatest movie ... best director, best screenplay, best acting, best effects, best art design, best sound, best everything. That hypothetical movie would never be 12 hours long, much less go on forever. At some point, one just needs to pee and go to bed, no matter HOW good / precious / terrific the movie -- or life -- is. Otherwise it just becomes banal. Indeed, any eternal afterlife eventually becomes its own hell.

My 30 year old son died last summer. Just dropped dead for no particular reason that anyone can figure out. Do you know how I cope with it? I know better than most that anything I have can be taken from my for any reason or for no reason. So I was fully present with my son, left nothing unsaid or undone, and thus had no regrets when he was taken from me. Disappointment, sadness, bereavement, oh yes ... in spades. But no regrets. He knew I loved him and was proud of him. Does your grandpa know you love him? Then it is sufficient. If not, go tell him while you still can.

Beyond that, the question becomes, what is actionable? Dead is dead. I could let this destroy me but it would not bring my son back, and in the meantime I have a wife, a daughter, two stepchildren and three grandsons who depend on me, I have meaningful work to do. I don't have the luxury to make it all about me. I keep on keeping on. And my son is kept "alive" in my memories of him.
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09-02-2017, 01:30 PM
RE: How To Cope
I think there comes a point in any young adults life where they suddenly realize that they aren't immortal. And neither are the people around them. A child and a teenager usually doesn't quite understand that somehow, beyond the hypothetical.
So suddenly it hits you like a brick in the head and you haven't yet learned how to deal with that fact. And it's scary!
Thankfully you eventually learn to accept that death is a part of life, the show isn't going to go on forever, but there is nothing to fear about the end. There's no dark, never ending emptiness or risk of eternal torture. It just stops. Just like it just started. And just like it wasn't sad or scary before you were born, it wont be after either. It's just the same thing. You won't even know that you died. So death is not important, living is important. Smile
As for dealing with the loss of those you love, that is difficult. Hopefully your granddad will live for many years to come. But he will, hopefully, die before you do. Grand parents and parents do that. But you will be alright. His love has given you the tools you need to be alright when he's gone. You will be sad, but you don't need to be scared. You will grieve, as one does when losing someone, but you will also heal and eventually the joy of having had him in your life will outweigh the sadness of not having him anymore.
It's going to be okay! I pinky promise!

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
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10-02-2017, 09:41 PM
RE: How To Cope
Thank you, everyone. I've been dealing with a lot of things lately this was just the straw then snapped everything else. It helps to hear words of encouragement, so thank you.

"Governments don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking That is against their interests.
They want obedient workers people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork And just dumb enough to passively accept it."

- George Carlin
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10-02-2017, 10:18 PM
RE: How To Cope
Hug

Heart
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